You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty

Feyi feels like she is on fire as she touches his skin, but he pulls away. She asks if he’s okay, and he says he is worried about the safety of her and his kitchen. Feyi laughs that those are fitting thoughts for a chef. He carries her to his room, where he confesses that he has been fantasizing about her. He stops himself and says they should talk. Feyi apologizes, and he objects that he kissed her first. They establish that they both want each other. When he pulled away from her on the mountain, he did it because he did not want to hurt his son. Feyi confesses that she is scared and wants to skip the talking part, but he says they need to.

Feyi tries to deflect by saying it was just a kiss, and he asks if that is all it was. She is evasive, but he asks her to be honest no matter what she is thinking. She knows it will be terrible for his children and that her own parents will not approve. She admits that she has been trying to avoid her feelings. To her surprise, he says he has felt the same way. She says she has not felt this way about anyone since Jonah, and that she feels like they could be next to each other in their aloneness. She says she has a life off the mountain, and he says he can go with her, because he can cook all over the world. He confesses that he has been fighting his feelings for her for weeks and that he had a moment of clarity when she was standing in his arms. He has spent 20 years making everything for his children, but now he wants to be selfish. They joke about her licking the mousse off his finger, and he says that is when he decided he was tired of denying himself after giving up Devon, his previous lover. Feyi argues that he does not really know her and that his kids are going to hate them being together. Alim thinks that the feeling that he is not alone will be worth it. They agree that if they are going to set their lives on fire they will burn together.

Feyi wakes up next to Alim and watches him sleep. The night before, they had continued talking, and their verbal intimacy felt just as tender as anything physical. Alim stirs, and the reality of wearing his clothes and being in his bed hits Feyi. She says his family is going to implode and she is not worth it. She notices he has painted his toenails blood red. He says she knows herself best, but he does not understand what changed since yesterday. If she wants to change her mind, then she just needs to say so. Feyi asks if he is scared, and he says he is terrified, which relaxes her. She realizes he is kind. Alim notes that his wife would be furious, not because of what he did, but because he was reckless. He thinks she would want them to do the kindest thing possible and talk to Nasir before they go further. He asks what Jonah would have thought, and she says he would have thought it was funny because he enjoyed messy humanity and because she is mad at herself for having feelings for someone else. They both admit they do not want to go back to not living because of their grief. Alim says whatever happens between them has nothing to do with Nasir, but Feyi objects that if they had sex it would hurt him since she and Nasir were taking it slow. Feyi says that she cannot move quickly, because she does not want it to backfire. Alim agrees and says he will give her all the time she needs. To her amazement, he uses the same metaphor for his feelings for her that she has mentally used for him: that she is filling him with light. He says he knows they will work out because she is his friend. His comment is something she never expected to feel again, and she hears Jonah’s voice say she is recovering. She knows Jonah would be happy to see her with someone so kind and gentle.

While Alim cooks, Feyi remembers him dancing with Rebecca and gets jealous. She asks him if he has slept with Rebecca. He is both surprised and amused, asking if it matters. She takes his amusement as an affirmative. She gets upset, and he apologizes, saying it amused him because Rebecca is an old-school lesbian, which surprises Feyi. She objects that they were dancing so closely, and he says it was just the style, but also that it is fun to dance with someone one trusts. Feyi realizes she has been so worried about his kids that she has not thought about how her life might change. Will they be long-distance? Her mother will be upset, and she has no idea if he wants kids or to get married. She laughs at the idea of being Nasir’s stepmother. She asks if Alim prefers Feyi not to tell Joy, but he says she should tell Joy he is well-endowed. Joy is horrified when Feyi explains what is going on and then asks when all this happened, as it has only been 24 hours. Joy asks if she is really okay, and how they are going to tell Nasir. Feyi says she does not know. Joy says she can just come home, and it tempts Feyi. Joy says she is worried because it’s the first time Feyi has had real feelings since Jonah, and the stakes are high. She wants something less complicated for Feyi despite being the person to tell her to take a chance on people. Joy suggests Feyi subconsciously wants to stay because it’s “a shitshow” and that messiness is proof you are alive, as Jonah liked to say. Feyi says that it might work okay because she survived losing Jonah. Messy and alive are good for her. Joy is convinced and they laugh, making Feyi feel like everything is okay as long as they have each other.

Alim asks Feyi to go for a walk. He takes her through a garden to a small wood-and-glass house. It is a studio he has had redone so she can have her own space when she is there. He says he wants her to stay. When she asks how long, and adds she has a life in New York, he says he takes it back and just wants to be wherever she is. Feyi says she wants to be there for now and thanks him. She thinks with him, she could build a house that would never fall.

Joy asks Feyi if they have had sex yet, and Feyi objects that they are waiting until they tell Nasir. Joy laughs that Feyi has a sugar daddy. Feyi says they talk about everything except having sex. She turns the topic to Joy’s married girlfriend, Justina, and Joy says she came out to her husband and that it did not go well. Justina left her a message about it going bad, then blocked her number. Joy says she will get over it. Feyi wants to tell her that she does not have to keep choosing unavailable people, but then realizes it would be hypocritical for her to lecture.

Feyi hears the door open and thinks it is Alim, but instead, it is Nasir, who says the job ended early. Something about the way he is talking makes Feyi nervous. She asks if everything is okay. He becomes furious and asks where Alim is. She says he is out and is more frightened when Nasir says it is just the two of them. He backs her into the wall and tells her Mr. Phillips, his father’s friend and garden designer, told Lorraine he saw Alim in the garden kissing a young lady. Nasir thought it had to be someone else, but Mr. Phillips described Feyi. Feyi begins to cry, and it makes Nasir more angry. He accuses her of having sex with his father and asks if she has a signature move that she used on Milan and Alim that he did not get to experience because he was taking it slow. He calls her trash and tells her to get out. She is too scared to move, so he goes up to her room and starts to throw all her things into her suitcase. When she asks him to listen, he rants that he thought she was special even though she had baggage.

He sweeps her cosmetics off the bathroom counter, and one bottle shatters, the broken glass reminding her of the accident. It snaps her out of her fear, and she starts resisting, yelling at him to stop and trying to drag her suitcase back. He tells her she deserves to be treated like trash and throws her stuff into the hall, kicking it. He screams in her face that she had sex with his father and needs to get out. Alim comes home and pulls him away from Feyi. He yells at Nasir to wait outside, and despite protesting, Nasir does. Alim makes sure Feyi is okay, inspecting her and worrying about the glass. Feyi says his fussing is going to make things worse because Nasir is watching, so he apologizes and goes out. Feyi can hear them downstairs. Alim is furious that Nasir would treat someone that way. Nasir says Feyi cannot stay in his home, but Alim cuts him off, saying “Boy, this is my house” (211). Hurt, Nasir leaves. Feyi begins to try to clean things up, but Alim tells her to leave it. She breaks down and Alim holds her, apologizing that he was not there. They hold each other on the floor with her things still strewn around them.

Alim makes Feyi stay in his room while he cleans her room up. She feels that maybe Nasir was right and that she should go home. Alim asks her if she wants to go home and she is surprised that he sounds uncertain. She explains how Nasir found out about them from Mr. Phillips, saying it is the worst possible way for Nasir to find out. She asks again if he wants her to leave, and he says no. He would understand if she wants to go since his son was violent toward her, but he wants to see her every day and make sure no one hurts her again. When he takes off his shirt to get in the shower, she asks him to take off his shorts too. He does, and Feyi goes to him and holds him from behind. She asks when he will get tired of her, and he counters that he feels the same and worries that he is so much older than she is. They remind each other that they are not going to make plans. She says what they are doing is impossible, and when he asks if she truly believes that, she shrugs and says it’s what everyone else will think. She says she wants to be with him, but that their world does not feel real. He says they are both real and so are their feelings, and he is not running away. She can watch him or join him in the shower, and when she says she wants to watch, he flicks her with a towel. They both laugh and head to the bathroom.

Feyi wakes up that night from a nightmare about Jonah’s death, and Alim holds her and helps her recover. He tells her about Marisol, and they trade memories until morning.