Written On The Body

“On the job I found it helped to carry a gun.” 

The narrator relates a witty story related to Inge, an ex-lover who was a Dutch anarcha-feminist. Troubled by her inability to destroy phallic symbol architecture such as the Eiffel Tower because of her appreciation of romantic beauty, Inge involves the narrator in a plan to detonate bombs in public men’s lavatories in Paris. The narrator is assigned to evacuate all the users of the restroom in advance; because the narrator has been ignored on previous occasions, the narrator finds that displaying a weapon is the best mechanism for getting attention. 

“I had survived shipwreck and I liked my new island with hot and cold running water and regular visits from the milkman.” 

The narrator recalls the start of the relationship with Jacqueline, a relatively unsophisticated young zoo worker who thrives on establishing domestic order for her new lover. Upon meeting Jacqueline, the narrator’s first thought was: “I have nothing to say to this woman” (25); however, in an effort to avoid the heartbreak of a passionate affair, the pair settles into a comfortable, albeit passionless, relationship. 

“She wore a simple dress of moss green silk, a pair of jade earrings, and a wedding ring.” 

Soon after they first meet, Louise invites the narrator to accompany her to the opera as her husband, Elgin, is unable to attend. Immediately upon entering the building, the narrator compares Louise to the other women in attendance, who “wore their jewelry like medals” (32). Louise is simply dressed, but the narrator believes that Louise is the most attractive woman there; however, the narrator tries to remain aware of the fact that Louise is married and, therefore, an unnecessarily complicated romantic partner. 

“No, I don’t have a parachute, but worse, neither does Jacqueline.”

The narrator falls passionately in love with Louise almost from the start. Theoretically opposed to infidelity, the narrator seeks to have an honest conversation with Jacqueline about the narrator’s attraction to Louise. In the past, the narrator has attributed unfaithfulness to uncontrollable passion; now, a more intellectual approach to the situation results in an increased understanding of the peripheral damage that will be inflicted upon Jacqueline. 

“I wouldn’t want to have much to do with me.” 

Following their first sexual encounter, the narrator declares love for Louise, but Louise insists that these words not be used until the relationship has proven to be sure and stable. She is aware of the narrator’s numerous prior lovers, and she states that she does not want to be “another scalp on your pole” (53). Additionally, Louise requests that the narrator, who is a verbally adept individual, refrain from using past scripts when speaking with her. Upon reflection, the narrator admits that the narrator’s own romantic history provides the appearance of an unreliable partner. 

“‘It’s only a matter of time,’ she said, ‘before I become an alcoholic and forget how to cook.’” 

The narrator reflects on a prior relationship with a woman named Catherine, who aspired to be a writer. The pair peered into living room windows during the evenings in an effort to provide fodder for Catherine’s literary scenarios. They enjoyed their voyeuristic outings together and marveled at the boring nature of most people’s home lives. Eventually, Catherine broke off the relationship, noting that she will prove to be an unsuitable partner in the future.

“I’m disappointed in him.”

Louise describes her husband’s background and expresses her disappointment in him as a person. Raised in an Orthodox Jewish family, Elgin attended elite schools on academic scholarship. His original intention had been to practice medicine in a third-world country; however, his mother’s death from cancer established his interest in research. Since that time, Louise feels that Elgin has come to care only for money and prestige rather than caring for his patients.

“I saw you in the park, you were walking by yourself, you were talking to yourself.” 

Louise tells the narrator that she had admired the narrator in a public park about two years prior to their actual meeting. She states that the narrator was the most beautiful person whom she had ever seen, and she admits that she had schemed to find a way to be introduced. Upon seeing the narrator doing a translation in the British Library, Louise obtained the narrator’s name from a clerk and researched a home address. Ultimately, Louise meets the narrator and Jacqueline after being drenched in a downpour. 

“If you ever do hit me I shall leave you.” 

Jacqueline is hurt and enraged when the narrator leaves her to pursue a relationship with Louise. Jacqueline vandalizes their apartment and smears feces on the bathroom door. She also attempts to assault Louise with a shard of glass, and the narrator slaps her face in response. Although the narrator was acting in defense of Louise, she states that she will leave the narrator if physical abuse ever enters their relationship. 

“‘You’d be perfect if you were smaller,’ he said.” 

The narrator reflects on a former relationship with a man named Frank, a tall man who had been adopted and raised by parents who were midgets. The narrator falls passionately in love with Frank, who is devoted to his mother and father and carries them everywhere on his shoulders. He refuses to enter a committed relationship, noting that sex and friendship were superior to monogamy. Additionally, Frank prefers little people to those of average size, telling the narrator of his preference truthfully.

“A treasure had fallen into our hands and the treasure was each other.” 

Louise leaves Elgin to live with the narrator. They have very little money since the narrator has not been doing as much translating work as usual, so Louise contributes a little by teaching an art history course. They spend time walking in the woods and enjoying one another’s company, and Louise tells the narrator, “I will never let you go” (100). 

“His plan was simple: if Louise came back to him, he would give her the care money can’t buy.”

The romantic ecstasy of the couple’s first few months together ends when Elgin tells the narrator that Louise is suffering from leukemia. Elgin notes that, as his wife, Louise will be entitled to the latest, state-of-the-art cancer treatment at the research center that he heads in Switzerland. Such status will afford her care that would be unavailable to even the wealthiest patients. Later in the story, it is implied that Elgin wished to avoid divorce in order to increase the likelihood of being included in the Civil List, a prestigious group of service providers to the Royal Family. 

“I want you to live.” 

The narrator decides that the correct course of action is to leave Louise so that Louise can receive Elgin’s care for her cancer. The narrator communicates this decision by a letter left for Louise in the narrator’s flat; the narrator makes arrangements to pay the mortgage for the next year in order to allow Louise to live there without financial concerns. 

“I didn’t hesitate, leant down and took it by the scruff of the neck the way Louise had taken me.” 

Depressed, isolated, and grief-stricken, the narrator succumbs to despair in a rented hovel. A mangy, stray cat appears at the door in a storm, and the narrator takes the animal in. As the narrator nurses the cat back to life, this act of care motivates the narrator to self-care. The two share a warm bath. The cat sleeps on the narrator’s chest all night, and this event marks a turning point toward emotional healing. 

“Will you let me crawl inside you, stand guard over you, trap them as they come at you?” 

The narrator embarks upon a rigorous study of human anatomy and the impact of cancer on the body. The narrator begins by studying cells, including an explanation of mitosis, in order to understand the overabundance of white T-cells, which wreaks havoc upon the leukemic body. The narrator addresses Louise in the second person as a sentry who will protect Louise’s blood from bandit white cells, asking “Who comes here?” (115) to determine whether incoming cells are red or white.

“I know the forests where I can rest and feed.”

The narrator repeatedly alludes to Louise’s body as a land formation. In this passage, the narrator identifies with a butterfly that has “flown the distance of your body from side to side” (117). This metaphor is carried further when the narrator imagines flying over Louise’s body as an aircraft pilot flies at night. In this case, Louise’s well-mapped body constitutes a landing strip. 

“Sometimes I think I’m free, coughed up like Jonah from the whale, but then I turn a corner and recognize myself again.” 

The narrator uses biblical imagery throughout the text. In this section, the narrator introduces the cranial cavity with a textbook description of the encasement of the brain. Despite physical estrangement from Louise, the narrator “float[s] in the cavities” (120) of her body. On occasion, there is the illusion of freedom, but the narrator’s intrinsic sense is that of being one with Louise. 

“You are a knight in shining armor.” 

The narrator examines human skin, particularly the function of dead skin cells that feed dust mites and bed bugs. In juxtaposition to the macabre imagery of deteriorated dermis serving as food for microscopic insects, the narrator discusses the life-affirming process of “the dermis renewing itself, making another armadillo layer” (123), thereby imagining Louise to be a knight protected by armor.

“You are a fallen angel but still as the angels are; body light as a dragonfly, great gold wings cut across the sun.” 

In another use of religious imagery, the narrator compares Louise to an angel, with her wings “shuttered like a fan” (131). In this section, the narrator also references the stigmata, or the wounds of Christ, and exhorts Louise to “nail me to you” (131). The term “fallen angel” as used in the liturgical sense usually refers to Satan, but in this context, the narrator appears to use the description to refer to Louise’s diminishment from illness. 

“You were a brightly lit room and I shut the door.” 

With each week that passes since the narrator’s decision to leave Louise in order so she can undergo the best possible cancer treatment, it becomes more apparent that this impulsive course of action may have been the wrong one. In addition to bearing the pain of being away from Louise, the narrator must face the agony of wondering whether the choice was correct. 

“I unlocked my door with frozen fingers and invited her in with a frozen heart.” 

After leaving London, the narrator moves into a small cottage and takes a job at a wine bar. The manager, an older woman named Gail Right, is clearly attracted to the narrator. She offers the narrator a ride home in her car; despite the narrator’s obsession with Louise, the narrator invites Gail in to the cottage. Gail suggests that the pair might be able to live together amicably. A consummate pragmatist, Gail is aware that the narrator is not physically attracted to her; nonetheless, she argues that she would make a hard-working, reliable partner. 

“She looked like a prime cut of streaky bacon.” 

The narrator is ambivalent about Gail. Overweight and often intoxicated, Gail is physically repugnant; nonetheless, the pair share a bed, albeit without having sex, although the narrator did “run my hands over her padded flesh” (144). The narrator brings Gail a cup of hot tea as she takes a bath the following morning, inspiring in the narrator the image of a slab of bacon. Nevertheless, by the end of the narrative, Gail emerges as a wise and decent woman who has the narrator’s best interests at heart.

“Then you’ll recall that a doctor can guess the size of someone’s heart by the size of their fist.” 

At Gail’s urging, the narrator returns to London to find Louise. Although she is no longer in the flat, the narrator finds a second medical opinion letter there that indicates that Louise’s condition is currently asymptomatic and that no treatment is advised. Louise’s mother tells the narrator that Elgin may have been denied inclusion in the prestigious Civil List because he was undergoing a divorce. The narrator is enraged; finding Elgin at his home, the narrator slams the physician’s head backward with interlocked fists.