When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress

Maté suggests that the genetic fundamentalism that shapes medical thinking dismisses the complexity of lived experience and psychological characteristics in terms of predicting health outcomes. Instead, Maté stresses that genes are turned on or off by environmental factors; therefore, one’s nurturing environment in childhood is hugely important in terms of influencing development, health, and behavior. A societal focus on biology and pharmacology, as is illustrated by the immense excitement around the Genome Project, ignores critical aspects such as poverty and social structures.

Throughout the chapter, Maté identifies a list of “basic beliefs” as maladaptive and as typically occurring in repressed people:

1. I must exhibit strength.
2. Being angry is not a correct way of being.
3. I am not deserving of love if I feel angry.
4. The entire world is my responsibility.
5. I am capable of everything.
6. No one wants me—I am not worth loving.
7. I am not real unless I am doing something and/or my existence has to be justified.
8. I only deserve care if I am very sick.

In order to achieve health, individuals must seek to understand their internal milieu, as was formed by their unconscious perceptions as children, and to heal problematic belief systems.

Oncologist Karen Gelmon interprets bodily forces as a push-pull system; she emphasizes that harmony must be achieved in order to achieve health. She problematizes the battle analogies of “waging war” against illness, as often organisms present in numerous people will only instigate illness in some.

The cause-and-effect perspective in modern medicine is overly simplistic; it cannot explain why a disease occurs in a certain person at a certain time— countless illnesses are “of unknown etiology” (242). This allows no recourse for turning illness toward health; Maté suggests that people must turn their attention to a more holistic understanding of health and illness through a biosocial model that acknowledges both biology and environment, as disease is caused by internal disharmony.

Maté problematizes exclusively optimistic thinking, a coping mechanism originating in childhood, as it excludes negative aspects of reality. Allowing consideration of negative aspects allows one to consider what one’s body might be “saying no” to. Ignoring the messages from mind and body in favor of fulfilling work or interpersonal commitments occurs in chronically repressed and therefore chronically stressed people who ignore their own needs and objections in favor of ensuring the comfort of others. Many chronically unwell people interviewed by Maté were obstinate about their happy childhoods, despite clear evidence to the contrary. Even when patients recall troubling incidents, the emotional aspects are downplayed or suppressed completely. In one such case, Pamela Wallin, a Canadian journalist, lightheartedly recalls being shut in a dark room, terrified for hours. Iris, who developed a form of lupus as an adult, developed the ability to dissociate from the episodes with her abusive parents and expressed her rage through mutilating her dolls. She insists that she had a happy childhood.

Maté encourages chronically stressed patients to welcome in feelings of guilt, as these feelings usually indicate that individuals are acting on their own behalf, rather than conforming to their behavioral pattern of suppressing their own needs to put the needs and emotions of others first.

Sometimes, malignant melanoma can go into spontaneous remission. The likelihood of this is lower for patients who are not accepting of their diagnosis, who cope by perseverance, and who have more concern for their family members than themselves. This was echoed in a study where, in a group of people with cancer, fewer people died when they were enrolled in a support group that focused on stress management and improving coping.

One of Maté’s patients’ melanomas disappeared after six months of therapy, during which the patient aimed to uncover maladaptive coping strategies and explore the impact of her childhood with an unloving stepmother on her chronic stress.

Maté identifies seven aspects that contribute to healing chronic stress caused by repression:

1. Acceptance, which involves recognizing and accepting the way things are, including negative aspects. Being compassionately curious about oneself allows one to access non-judgmental acceptance.
2. Awareness of one’s own emotional experience, and trust of one’s perception of their internal states. This includes knowing one’s unique body’s signs of stress and heeding them as messages.
3. Anger—specifically, expressing anger—is important, as the suppression of anger is far more physiologically stressful than its expression. Maté acknowledges the seeming contradiction in the fact that parental anger can be so harmful to children. He suggests that rage, like repression of anger, is a fear of the genuine expression of anger, and that genuine anger results in a feeling of relief and release for the angry person; it doesn’t need to be demonstrative.
4. Autonomy is key, because people suffer when their boundaries are blurred. This can be the case for people whose parents remain enmeshed in their lives, causing a lack of differentiation.
5. Attachment is another step toward healing, as connection is vital for wellness. It is important that people seek out genuine emotional support and connection.
6. Assertion involves a self-declaration of one’s worth; one doesn’t need to act or justify their existence.
7. Affirmation through creative expression honors one’s deepest urges; affirmation can also come from some kind of spiritual connection to the earth.