What to Say Next

“I feel stupid. Could that be what grief does to you? It’s like I’m walking around school with an astronaut’s helmet on my head.”

Here, Kit describes one of the ways that grief manifests for her in the novel. Throughout the text, she struggles with this “astronaut helmet” feeling, which she finds isolating until she speaks to David. Her sense that David understands her better than her friends implies that the “astronaut helmet” metaphor also applies, in the text, to neurodiversity, though David does not adopt the metaphor himself.

“Don’t get me wrong: I feel awkward and uncomfortable most of the time, but I’ve learned how to fake it. David, on the other hand, seems to have completely opted out of even trying to act like everyone else.”

Through the internal monologue of Kit, the novel clarifies its representation of the ways that neurodiversity and neurotypicality are different. Instead of suggesting that feeling “awkward and uncomfortable” is exclusive to neurodivergent people, it implies that feeling such a way is universal, at least in adolescence. The difference, however, is that neurotypical people may feel a greater pressure to “act like everyone else”—and a greater ability to successfully perform this act.

“Honestly, I’d totally pick the stomach flu over awkward.”

Here, Kit expresses her intense longing for smoothness in social interactions, something that has led her, through most of high school, to go along with what is expected of her. After her father’s death, however, she finds that she cannot value this performance as much as she once did, even as her reactions cause the awkwardness that she so dreads.

“It’s nice to sit with someone and not have to think about what to say next.”

Kit invokes the novel’s title while sitting quietly with David. Her relief at being able to enjoy silence without worrying about speaking (and, by implication, worrying about saying the wrong thing) indicates how the novel represents social pressures as burdensome for neurotypical people as well as neurodivergent ones.

“I’ve never been much good at banter, which necessarily requires quick wit and an understanding of what to say next.”

Here, David invokes the novel’s title while feeling pleased that he is successfully “bantering” with Kit. He implies that this “understanding of what to say next” is something that most (if not all) neurotypical people possess. Yet Kit’s reference to also not knowing what to say next indicates that this is an incorrect assumption on David’s part.

“Annie’s parents are liberal Jews who met while working for the Peace Corps in Kathmandu. They seem to understand that the world is a big, diverse place, and that different is not the same thing as scary. It’s amazing how many people mistake the two.”

Kit contrasts Annie’s parents, as white people with liberal values toward accepting diversity, with Violet’s parents, whose conservatism leads them to make consistent racist microaggressions. Her comment that “many people” mistake “different” and “scary” indicates that her experiences with racism go beyond Violet’s parents.

“I’m way too aware of how fast all the other traffic is going, how thin the line is between us, how easily one mistake can kill us all.”

Kit’s anxiety about driving shows that her lingering trauma from the accident extends beyond her grief over her father’s death. Additionally, it serves as foreshadowing for the later reveal that Kit was driving during the accident that killed her father.

“What are we going to do with you? Like I was a group project.

Just once I’d like the answer to be: nothing.

Just once I’d like the answer to be: You are just fine as is.

Just once I’d like the question not to be asked in the first place.”

David’s weariness at the question (which, in this instance, has come from Miney) indicates that he has heard it repeatedly and that it is this repetition that weighs on him. The repetitive syntax of his internal monologue echoes this and works to emphasize his exasperation. That Miney asks also indicates how, despite her affection for and desire to protect her brother, she sometimes manages to hurt him as well.

“[Barbara, the dental hygienist] liked me. Adults generally do. It’s fellow teenagers I have a problem with.”

David’s comment that he finds it easier to get adults to like him than teenagers indicates that social rules are more straightforward with adults than adolescents. This suggests that while high school will likely continue to be difficult for David, he has reason to be optimistic about making close relationships as he and his peers age and mature.

“‘I told you she was perfect. Also, she’s the prettiest girl in school.’

‘Eh, she’s cute enough.’”

Miney’s underwhelmed reaction to Kit’s looks compared to David’s interpretation of them shows how David’s feelings have affected his perception of Kit, which is unusual given his more objective view of many things. David’s conviction that Kit is the most beautiful girl he knows proves powerful for Kit’s self-esteem, as his perception helps Kit see herself as beautiful.

“What I’ve never understood is why the boys are always shocked when they get their first glance of their newly made-up date, as if the girls weren’t already beautiful despite their penchant for androgynous clothing. Do screenwriters think teenage boys lack all power of imagination?”

Though David gets a lot of his social interaction information from movies about teenagers, he also recognizes the limitations of these films. This leaves him in an uncertain position where he doesn’t know how to navigate certain social situations when he sees his models as unreliable. This observation also marks him out as sensitive and appreciating of girls in their natural state, which Buxbaum likely includes to endear the reader toward David and show that he could be a good match for Kit.

“There are some words we are not allowed to say out loud.”

Here, Kit feels a strong social prohibition against confessing her troubles to her friends, something she will later find much easier to express to David. This characterizes the “normalcy” that David sometimes craves as stifling while casting his refusal (or, as it is often suggested, inability) to adhere to social norms as liberating.

“‘I know it’s been hard and whatever, but you’ve got to at least try to start having some fun again,’ Violet says.”

Though Violet’s comment is insensitive to Kit’s grief, the novel does not characterize this as signifying that Violet has failed Kit as a friend. Instead, the novel implies that Violet is struggling, as is Kit, to understand how to react in the aftermath of grief. They ultimately learn new ways of speaking to one another that account for the changes in Kit’s life.

“I haven’t flapped like this since the sixth grade, when Miney filmed me on her phone and explained that if I ever wanted to have any friends, I needed to stop.”

David’s recollection of Miney’s “tough love” shows that he considers his sister’s advice helpful, even when it is harsh. This illustrates David’s inability to see his sister in any way other than wise and helpful. The way he idolizes his sister makes it difficult for him to see her struggles when she returns home from college.

“Later, when I really allowed myself to think about it and what I had allowed to happen to me, that day cracked me wide open.”

Here, David recalls the “Locker Room Incident,” a time when he was violently bullied in middle school. When his notebook is published online, David feels the trauma of both the present incident and the one from the past. This shows that bullying is not something that David experiences as isolated events, but rather as a persistent pattern of violence.

“When did we decide that these people would be our friends? What if we took the time to get to know some of the kids in the other cliques, like the artsy types or the theater dorks? What if we all jumped out of our boxes and chewed up our stupid labels? Who would we discover?”

As the novel continues, Kit increasingly moves away from apathy about her friend group to seeking to make positive change. This leads her to stand up for David and separate herself from the group of popular bullies who have been cruel to him for years.

“I am going to school and if anyone asks me to die, I will say, No, thank you, and keep walking.”

Though it takes David several days to come to this decision, his plan to ignore bullying and death threats indicates a case where his difficulty sensing the emotional pulse of conversations may help him. His straightforward response to the verbal abuse relies on his practice of having systematized reactions to interpersonal situations, even abusive ones.

“I should win an Academy Award for Best Actress in a movie called Normal. No doubt I’d be the first half-Indian girl to win.”

Kit, like David, feels that her “normalcy” is a hard-won performance. Her recognition that she would be the “first half-Indian girl to win” shows that she understands broad effects of racism in the world and has felt them as something applicable to her life.

“Since last summer, [my dad] has been putting a lot of pressure on [Miney] about college. He’s adamant that she major in something useful, like math or biology. Miney needed to understand how much school was going to cost my parents, that she better finally figure out what she was good at, that she should stop wasting time putting on makeup and instead apply herself to the sciences, like I did.”

David implies a faint recognition of the unfair treatment his father has been showing his sister. He does not, however, seem to understand the sexism implicit in his father’s comments about how Miney is “wasting time” with “makeup.” Though David feels a kinship and similarity with his father, he shows some recognition that his father’s viewpoint is limited.

“Even I’m getting sick of my morose teenage girl shtick.”

Though Kit’s underlying comment here is that she is tired of feeling the grief that comes along with losing her father, her framing it as a “morose teenage girl shtick” minimizes the legitimacy of these feelings. This indicates that she has internalized a cultural narrative that teenage girls are more emotional than other groups and that these emotions are excessive. This parallels David’s fear that he is “too much.”

“‘Don’t get me wrong. He is no way normal.’ I stop, look at David. Smile a little. ‘Sorry, it’s true. But who is? And since when is normal a requirement for high school?’”

David feels heartened by Kit’s defense, as it shows that she does not wish to minimize the “weirdness” that he sometimes struggles with. Instead, she accepts that he is different but treats this difference as something positive rather than negative.

“‘Stop being a baby,’ she says, which for some reason makes me snap. I’m tired of playing adult.”

Kit’s anger at being asked to “play adult” highlights the challenges that adolescents face as they stand at the cusp of adulthood while remaining in childhood. Though Kit feels that she is supposed to handle her grief in an “adult” manner, she also feels burdened by the way her mother treats her as though she is a full adult.

“I can be the old Kit and the new Kit. I can be both. I’m an and.”

Kit’s journey to process her grief leads her, for much of the novel, to struggle to reconcile what she sees as disparate versions of herself. As she makes amends with her mother, however, she learns that trying to choose only one “version” of herself is limiting and not a productive method of healing.