Wayside School is Falling Down

Because no one other than Louis ever orders food in Miss Mush’s cafeteria, the special has been leftover Mushroom Surprise for 18 days. Unfortunately for Ron, he does not have a packed lunch with him today and must order Mushroom Surprise for lunch. The other students are shocked; this news is so surprising and alarming that Bebe even runs to the teachers’ lounge to tell Mrs. Jewls what is happening. More than 70 students crowd around Ron as he bravely takes a bite. After he swallows, his eyes change color, his face flushes, and he begins to shake. He stands up and kisses Deedee, who is the closest to him. By the time he sits down again and sees Deedee’s disgusted reaction, he has no idea what just happened. As he prepares to take another bite, the other students hurry away. Just as Ron swallows his next bite, Mrs. Jewls walks up to his table, asking, “So how does it taste? And what’s the surprise?” (67).

Mrs. Jewls distributes various instruments to her class. Although Benjamin Nushmutt feels that he has been more successful in school and with his peers as Mark Miller, he decides that he must finally tell Mrs. Jewls his real name. He raises his hand to tell her, but she thinks that he is asking for a tambourine, so she gives him one before telling the class to begin playing. Over the cacophony of sound, Benjamin tries again to tell Mrs. Jewls his name, but she cannot hear him. “Louder!” she calls to him. The students think that she is talking to them, so they play their instruments more loudly. This happens again and again until the students are playing so loudly that the principal, Mr. Kidswatter, comes into the room to tell Mrs. Jewls, “Several teachers have complained about your music. […] Their students are having trouble hearing” (72). Now Mrs. Jewls is the one to misunderstand, and she tells her students to play even louder so that the other classes will have no trouble hearing it. Mrs. Jewls praises “Mark” for doing such a good job on the tambourine. Benjamin decides that Mark Miller is a better musician than Benjamin Nushmutt.

No one except Kathy can enjoy recess because D.J., who is usually a very happy person, is upset. Kathy is delighted by D.J.’s sadness because she dislikes the fact that he is always smiling and positive. As the students return to their classroom, D.J. stops to sit on the stairs and cry. Kathy finds him and asks why he is so upset. He explains that he brought his great-grandfather’s watch to school and has lost it. Kathy taunts him that he will get in trouble, but he says that his parents will understand. She tries again, citing various reasons that D.J. should feel terrible about losing the watch. She observes that he will not know what time it is and will have to pay for the lost watch using his allowance. Each time she mentions a new difficulty, D.J. explains that these reasons do not matter to him. What is really upsetting him is the idea that a bird might try to eat the watch and choke. Kathy mocks the idea, and he realizes that it is unrealistic. This instantly cheers him up, and D.J. happily returns to the classroom. Kathy, disappointed that he is happy again, follows him back. Suddenly, Myron exclaims that Oddly has found a watch. When he learns that it is D.J.’s, he tries to give it to D.J.—but D.J. gives it to Kathy, thinking that she might need it more than he does.

Jason borrows a pencil from Alison; when he returns it, it has been chewed. Alison is disgusted, and the class teases Jason, but he does not even remember chewing on the pencil. When it is time for the spelling test, he asks to borrow a pencil from Rondi. She hesitates and makes him promise not to chew on it. He promises but ends up unconsciously chewing the pencil anyway. When he realizes what he has done, he tries to hide the pencil in his desk. However, Rondi tells Mrs. Jewls that Jason is trying to steal her pencil, so she makes him write his name on the discipline list. The class laughs at him, and he wishes that he could ask Mrs. Jewls for a lollipop so that he can occupy his mouth and not accidentally chew pencils. When Mrs. Jewls calls him up to her desk, he hopes that she is about to offer him a lollipop, but Mrs. Jewls tapes his mouth shut instead, telling him that this will solve his problem. Jason is embarrassed and angry as the class teases him. Mrs. Jewls is proud of her solution when Jason finishes a math worksheet without chewing any pencils. She also notices how quiet Jason is now and wonders why all teachers do not tape their students’ mouths closed.

Dana gets very emotional when Mrs. Jewls reads stories to the class. Other students—especially John—tease her because she always laughs more than everyone else at the funny parts and cries inconsolably at the sad parts. John calls her “giggle box” and “leaky faucet,” which embarrasses her and makes her think that she hates both stories and John. One day, Mrs. Jewls reads a story about a skunk whose mother is hit by a car. Dana cries so hard that she has to blow her nose, so John calls her a “foghorn.” The next day, Dana asks Mrs. Jewls if she can be excused during story time. She tells Mrs. Jewls that she hates stories and explains, “They make me laugh and cry too much” (94). Mrs. Jewls reassures Dana and tells her that this means she loves stories. Mrs. Jewls assures Dana that she wishes the other students had such emotional reactions to stories. Dana is happy to hear this, but she suddenly has a new worry: What if she doesn’t hate John, either? What if she actually loves him, just as she loves stories?

Calvin brings cupcakes to celebrate his birthday. Bebe excitedly instructs him to tell everyone what his parents are getting him for his birthday. He reveals that his father is taking him to get a tattoo after school, but he is uncertain what kind of a tattoo to get. The other students excitedly offer suggestions, but he cannot make up his mind. Calvin is worried about making a mistake because the tattoo will be permanent. When he comes in the next day, his classmates are appalled at his choice. On his ankle, there is a small tattoo of a potato. However, he reflects that he is the only one of them who knows what it is like to have to choose a tattoo, and he “was sure he had made the right choice. At least he was pretty sure” (102).

When Deedee is playing on the monkey bars, she thinks she sees Mrs. Gorf, who is the meanest teacher in Wayside School history and taught the class before Mrs. Jewls took over. Deedee runs screaming to tell the other children, who are all terrified of Mrs. Gorf. Various other students chime in to describe their own recent sightings of Mrs. Gorf, but Louis assures them that they are imagining things. He tells them that he still sometimes imagines seeing Mrs. Drazil, who was the mean teacher he had when he was their age. Louis takes Deedee’s hand and leads her back to the monkey bars to show her that Mrs. Gorf is not there. He asks what Deedee was doing when she supposedly saw Mrs. Gorf, and he has Deedee get back onto the play equipment to recreate her own actions. Deedee hangs upside down. In text that is printed upside down in the book, she says, “Thanks, Louis. I guess you’re right. I must have seen my shadow or something” (109). Deedee gets back down, and they walk away from the monkey bars together. Underneath the monkey bars, beside Deedee’s footprints, there is a mysterious set of adult-sized footprints.