Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man

“If black people can’t decide which term to use, then how and why should white people be expected to know which term to use?” 

One important problem White people encounter when discussing race is terminology: Fear of being racist, or being perceived as such, prevents many White people from asking questions about how to refer to people of color and ethnic minorities. As Acho observes, the term African American (with or without a hyphen) is problematic because it differentiates Black people as a subset of the American population. The term also connects all Black people to the vast and diverse continent of Africa, rather than to their specific country of origin or heritage. He recommends using the term Black because it includes people from various parts of the African diaspora, including the US, Brazil, the Caribbean, and Mexico.

“Well informed. We’ve all got to be as well informed as we can be.” 

Education plays a crucial role in the fight for racial equality. Acho urges readers to educate themselves and others and provides resources in the main body of the text to support this effort, including books, articles, and websites.

“It’s like riding the New York subway: if you see something, say something.”

This quote emphasizes the importance of speaking up against racism. True allyship demands holding oneself and others accountable for racially biased words and behavior.

“Say you and I are in a race and the starting line official held me back for the first two hundred meters, giving you a two-hundred-meter head start. If that were to happen, the only way to level out that race would be to either stop you from running or put me on a bike to catch up to you.”

Acho uses a sports analogy to explain White privilege. Racial biases impact all aspects of daily life, giving White people advantages based solely on the color of their skin, while simultaneously disadvantaging Black people. Acho’s analogy is apt given his background as a former linebacker for the NFL, a sports analyst, and college football player.

“Let me say right here that I know I have my own privilege.” 

There are different kinds of privilege. White privilege gives White people certain advantages based solely on the color of their skin. Other kinds of privilege benefit men over women, the able-bodied over people with disabilities, and wealthy people over the poor. Acho recognizes his privilege as a cisgender man with a middle-class upbringing who played professional football. He explains that Black people can have privilege. Similarly, White people can be underprivileged. They key takeaway is that, unlike Black people, White people are not held back by the color of their skin.

“If the first goal here is to stop being ignorant, the second goal is just to learn more about one another. And that can be a lot of fun.” 

We live in a multicultural society. Learning about different cultures is both educational and enjoyable. Appreciating different cultures, whether it relates to music, fashion, or even cuisine, is desirable. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with being inspired by a culture that is not one’s own. Problems arise when a dominant group borrows from a disadvantaged one, in particular if they have little or no knowledge of the history of the thing they are borrowing. Education is key to avoiding cultural appropriation.

“Sometimes I am angry. Just like you are.”

The myth and stereotype of the Angry Black Man is pervasive in media, art, literature, and other cultural output. The myth serves the political purpose of maintaining White supremacy. It promotes the subjugation of Black men by casting them as inherently angry, violent, and a danger to White people (in particular White women). Black people are rightfully angry at the racism they and their forebears suffered. They also have the right to be angry about other things, such as traffic jams. As Acho points out, everyone is entitled to their feelings.

“There is no conversation that excuses a white person using the word […] There’s too much pain in that word coming from a white mouth.” 

Acho is unequivocal about the N-word. Given its history, White people should refrain from using it under any circumstances. Any White person who uses the word, even in jest or to sing lyrics to a song, should expect to be called out.

“Dismantling systemic racism is nothing short of dismantling white supremacy. It’s going to take a herculean effort by all of us to tear it down.” 

The main purpose of Acho’s YouTube series and book is to provide a safe space for White people to discuss race. Acho argues that White supremacy in the form of systemic racism is so pervasive that it requires everyone’s commitment to dismantle. Not being racist is not enough. White people have to actively combat racism.

“When people proclaim that black lives matter, it’s not about saying white lives don’t matter. It is a given in this country that they do. What black people are really and truly saying is that black lives matter as well as white lives.”

This quote explains the meaning of the slogan “Black Lives Matter.” Critics of the BLM movement misinterpret the slogan, sometimes willfully, taking it to mean that Black lives matter more than other lives, or that Black lives matter to the exclusion of other lives. As Acho points out, the killing of Black people by police, their mass incarceration, and the systems that keep them impoverished justify the slogan, while also proving that the counter slogan, All Lives Matter, is wholly inaccurate.

“If your goal is to fight racism, to help foster an America that isn’t built on white privilege, then you’ll have to do your part.” 

This passage reiterates the book’s main objective–to spur White people to join the fight for a more just society. Not being racist will not suffice. White people must actively participate in the struggle.

“Vote, vote, vote, vote like your life depends on it. Like our lives depend on it. They do.”

Voting is the single-most important way to affect change. Electing representatives who promote equality and racial justice results in policies and laws that reflect these values. Change demands voting in presidential elections, and at the state and local levels.

“The bottom line: our criminal justice system too often treats black people like thugs instead of like people.” 

Negative racial stereotypes are prevalent in the criminal justice system. The myth that Black men are angry and prone to violence and criminality results in more frequent run-ins with the police, an increased likelihood of being convicted of a crime, and harsher sentences. Statistics show that one in three Black men born in 2001 will be incarcerated in their lifetimes, a rate that far exceeds that of Latino and White men.

“This book isn’t going to make you all of a sudden lose all of your biases.” 

Acho believes that change is possible, but he is realistic. One book will not make racial bias a thing of the past. Ending racism requires consistent, concerted effort. The first step for White people is to educate themselves, a role he hopes his book helps play.

“Take note of how black people and people of color are being portrayed. I bet what you’ll see are extremes: athletes and entertainers portrayed as demigods, other black people portrayed as poor or violent or criminal.”

The portrayal of Black people in the media reinforces stereotypes that fuel racism. The overwhelming message is that Black people are generally bad and can only excel in certain domains, notably, sports and entertainment. This reinforces racial biases while also damaging young Black people who are deprived of Black role models in a slew of other areas, such as engineering, IT, and academia.

“It’s tougher to keep a family together when you’re fighting for your mental health, if not your life.”

Racism takes a mental toll on Black people. Studies show that Black people are more likely to suffer from anxiety and mental health problems than White people. Nearly one in ten Black people have PTSD, a disorder associated with soldiers returning from war zones. Black families are not inherently prone to brokenness. Rather, racism harms Black individuals, which in turn impacts families.

“As a reminder, ‘I don’t see color’ is not an okay thing to say, because to say we’re all exactly the same is to gloss over a whole history and presence of inequality.” 

Many White people were happy to assume that the election of Barack Obama to the US presidency in 2008 marked the beginning of a post-racial America. They viewed racism as a thing of the past. Although cross-burning racists are now a fringe, systemic racism continues to impact all aspects of life, including employment, education, and housing. The words ‘I don’t see color’ overlook differences between Black and White people, glossing over past and present racism.

“The beautiful thing about the piano is that you got white keys and you got black keys. And the only way to make the most beautiful, magnificent, and poetic noise is with both sets of keys working in tandem.” 

This analogy describes Black and White people working together toward a common goal. It recognizes the differences between Black and White people, while also stressing the possibilities that working together present.

“When race conflicts have been instigated by white people, law enforcement has often responded on a spectrum from doing little to almost nothing, to deputizing other white people to participate, to being participants themselves. When instigated by black people, they have strong-armed protestors, arrested them, killed them.” 

Systemic racism manifests in the policing of protests. Law enforcement agencies respond very differently to Black and White acts of civil disobedience. In an extreme act of police brutality, eight people were partially blinded by tear gas during a BLM protest on May 30, 2020. By contrast, police did not deploy tear gas during the storming of the US Capitol by White Trump supporters on January 6, 2021, despite the fact that the pro-Trump insurrectionists breached police perimeters, assaulted officers (killing one), and stormed the building, forcing members of Congress into hiding.

“And I saw that all the noise was actually working. People started tearing down Confederate statues, which led to institutions taking down their own statues.” 

Protests are not empty gestures, but critical actions that can result in change. Some BLM protestors vandalized and tore down Confederate monuments during the 2020 unrest. Property damage is an extreme act, but in this case, it called attention to the glorification of racists across the South. Alerted to how problematic these monuments are, many governments and institutions removed them.

“Every protest you attend, each time you stick up for a black person on your job, every person with whom you have a real conversation about race, all of those things are marks in the win column. The important thing is to just keep showing up.” 

Allyship is crucial to ending racism and comes in a variety of forms. Actions large and small can help bring about change. What matters are commitment and consistency.

“We must all see color to see racism.” 

White people who claim not to see color are inadvertently doing Black people a disservice. Black people experience the world differently because of racism. Ignoring race glosses over these experiences and the history of racial injustice in the US.

“A world without racism is being in one country, on one continent, in one world celebrating life together, wherever we’ve come from to get there.” 

Acho’s book ends with a description of a surprise party attended by eight White people, seven Black people, one mixed race person, and one Hispanic person. This diverse group came together to celebrate Acho’s new job and move to Los Angeles. The anecdote reveals that Acho’s life mirrors what he promotes in his book. Recognizing, respecting, and celebrating differences allows people of different races to come together on an equal footing.