Trust Exercise

In the present day, Claire has an online conversation with a "listener," who is like a therapist. She is discussing a recent event she is sorry she went to. Before she went, she was nervous. Once there, she was among thousands of people attending. She wonders if she set herself up for disappointment, but knows she wanted to feel like she was doing something about an undisclosed problem. She signs off quickly, then reopens her computer to rate and pay her listener. Claire recalls more details from the event as she rewatches a tribute video to someone's life online. This was in a new building; she recalls visiting the older building three years ago, though she has not yet revealed what this older building was. She had hoped that something would happen at the event, as many people will be there, though what she hopes for is unclear.

Thinking back to a conversation with her mother, Claire remembers how upset she was. Her mother had realized that Claire was likely to want more; later, it is revealed that this is finding her birth parents. Her mother tells her that she understands: Dad and I can't be everything to you" (239). Claire is uncomfortable with this, as they have been good parents. Her discomfort is vaguer; she believes that her parents failed to give her "The Look" (239). She does not feel seen by them. As Claire watches the tribute video at the event, she scans through the children in the pictures with their theater teacher, Lord. However, she does not find what she is looking for. The current principal makes an announcement that with the support from the Lewis Family Foundation, the school will now be renamed the Robert Lord School for the Arts. A man nearby in the audience tries to talk to Claire, but this makes her uncomfortable, and she leaves.

Claire remembers three years earlier, when she'd tried but failed to make an appointment with Lord. When she finally got an appointment and arrived at school, the administrators were surprised, attributing it to an older administrator: "It must have been Velva" (244). Claire received a visitor's badge shaped like a theatrical mask, and a young girl walked her to Lord's office. There, Claire struggled to interview him. She was surprised by him, finding him more masculine and aggressive than she'd anticipated. She had a hard time speaking, and he made a joke about her name; "Claire" means "clear." Claire gave him a letter she wrote in advance. The letter explained that she (under the name "Evangeline") was born in January 1985 to a 16-year-old girl who had been accepted to a prominent performing arts high school. The father was listed as someone who is "on the paternal side German, also many generations in this region" (246).

Lord challenged the document, stating it wasn't clear what region the letter referred to. However, Claire knew it was their region because of the file, and became sure that it referred to this school. She tried to clarify the facts for him, but Lord refused to accept them. She made excuses to herself about him because of his age. He tells her that he couldn't violate the student's privacy even if he had known her, which he doubts. Claire left, unsatisfied.

Six months earlier, Claire's mother had died, leaving Claire her adoption file. Feeling guilty about researching her birth parents, she makes a nicely presented copy of her father's beloved farm journal for him. Later, she receives a call from an unknown number. It is Lord, telling her he regrets not sharing more information with her, but couldn’t share it at school because of protocols. He invites her to lunch at a restaurant, and he accepts. Later, he changes the invitation to dinner at his home: "Sofie and I can treat you to a much better meal here" (251). This reassures Claire, who assumes Sofie is his wife and considers what type of person Sofie could be.

Claire meets Lord at his high-rise apartment. Claire asks after Sofie and learns that she is Lord's housekeeper. Lord is divorced, with two grown sons. Claire doesn't enjoy the dinner, growing increasingly uncomfortable and nauseous. Lord invites her to get some fresh air on the terrace, but when they go out, he pushes himself on her, kissing her aggressively. She pushes him off, and he begins to shame her, telling her, "We seem to have had a misunderstanding," and, "You've embarrassed me" (255). Claire apologizes to him and runs downstairs, focusing on her need to urinate. The following day, Claire spends $200 on Listeners, making different plans for how to deal with the situation, but doesn't have a definitive answer.

Three years later, Claire has continued following the school for performing arts on Facebook. There, she learns about the death of Velva Wilson, secretary at the school. Later, she sees a post that the school will change its name due to an accusation of sexual abuse against Lord. Claire remembers that during her visit to the school, she forgot to return the visitor badge. Returning to the main office, she met Velva, who appeared shocked to see her and told her to come closer. She noted that Claire must be more than 20 years old. Claire said that she was 25. Velva asked her name, and Claire told her. However, Claire does not realize the significance of this exchange until after the school has renamed the building. Then, it is too late, as Velva is already dead.