Trust Exercise

Now 30 years old, the character called "Karen" in the first section is waiting for the character called "Sarah" outside a bookstore in Los Angeles: "'Karen' stood outside the Skylight bookstore in Los Angeles, waiting for her old friend, the author" (132). She reveals that the first section was the first part of a novel that Sarah wrote. The women are now 30 and have not been in touch since high school. "Karen" considers the name that Sarah attributed to her. She finds it commonplace and unsexy. As she thinks about Sarah's book, she reveals that she is actually three other characters, whom Sarah separated in her narrative: Julietta, for how others admired her Christianity; Pammie, for how others mocked her Christianity; and Joelle, for the intimacy she and Sarah once had. "Karen" considers the names "Sarah," "David," and "Mr. Kingsley" appropriate. Overall, she finds the book unimpressive and insulting.

"Karen" thinks about how to present herself during "Sarah's" reading at the bookstore. This causes her reflect on their days in theater school and how neither of them was good enough to make it professionally. After graduating, "Karen" studied dance in college, then took on a series of administrative jobs. She now makes the plan to sit in the audience so that "Sarah" will see and notice her. She wants to make "Sarah" uncomfortable. "Karen" thinks back to the true death of her friendship with "Sarah," pinpointing it to a day when she came back to "CAPA" the Spring of junior year.

She had spent the previous semester away at a "Bible school" (138). Before that, "Sarah" had spent the summer in England. Although her mother had a disability, a fact that "Sarah" omitted from her novel, "Sarah" had wanted to leave for the summer and eventually had a car accident. "Karen" implies that this car accident was deliberate. Back at school for the spring of Junior year, "Karen" had parked her car in the front lot to avoid other students, but then run into "Sarah," dressed in punk gear from London, at the front door of the school. "Karen" now believes their friendship ended as they looked at each other there.

"Karen" still hesitates to go inside the bookshop. After college, she lived in Los Angeles for a while, and her brother still lives here, making her feel an ownership of the city. Watching through the window, "Karen" sees the audience applaud "Sarah" and goes inside for the question-and-answer period. She has bookmarked "Sarah's" novel on page 131, which is the end of Part 1 in Trust Exercise. An employee goes through the line offering Post-Its to the audience; they are supposed to write the name they want "Sarah" to sign. "Karen" already has her own Post-It in her book, with "Karen" (including the quotation marks) on it. Finally, "Sarah" sees her and, stunned, hugs her. "Karen" almost falls over as they hug.

After high school, "Sarah" went to Brown and "Karen" went to Carnegie Mellon to dance. She stayed in New York until her mother showed up, claiming a man she was dating brought her there. Then, "Karen" moved to Los Angeles. When her mother came to L.A. three years later, "Karen" went back to their hometown. There, she ran into "David" a lot. "David" has become obsessed with the past. Though he failed as both an actor and a playwright, he has found some local success as a director and become good friends with "Mr. Kingsley." "Karen" thinks of them as linked: "two members of the same Elite Brotherhood of the Arts" (150). In one meeting after their initial reunion, "David" strokes "Karen's" ego, telling her she was a good actress and should come to auditions for his new play.

However, "Karen" is now training as a psychologist and is not initially interested. They often meet at a place "Karen" thinks of "The Bar." On another occasion, "David" asks if she remembers "Martin" and shows her a newspaper clipping from England stating that at least one student has made allegations of sexual abuse against "Martin." "Karen" tries not to react. "David" has also received a letter from "Martin" but initially forgets about it until "Mr. Kingsley" receives one as well. In the letter to "David," "Martin" has enclosed a play he wrote. "Karen" and "David" discuss the allegations against "Martin"; "David" believes that he had relationships with his students but doesn't believe he was culpable: "Remember what we were like?" (162).

"Karen" thinks about the character of "Manuel," whom she believes to be a composite of three students, all with Latinx names. One had no talent. A second became an opera star, but he was a Vocal Music student, not a Theatre student, and they'd never really known him. The third part of "Manuel" would be one who had a "special relationship with Mr. Kingsley" (164). However, "Karen" knows that she is the only one who disappeared from their class, and that the only person who had that kind of relationship with "Mr. Kingsley" was Sarah: "And no one had a very special, perhaps too special, perhaps so special as to unleash in Sarah a thirst for revenge, relationship with the man we've agreed to call Mr. Kingsley—except Sarah" (164).

Not wanting to show "David" her feelings, "Karen" looks up the article about "Martin" at the library. She follows the public debate over it. Eventually, she gets "Martin's" play from "David" and thinks it's good. Set in a pub, it features a main character named Doc, who bartends. At the beginning, Doc and his patrons are arguing about whether drinking oneself to death is suicide. A girl enters, frail and small and almost genderless, but Doc kicks her out. Various other scenes happen without her before the final scene, when the girl comes back into the pub with Doc. She eats at the bar as they argue in a theoretical way about choices they've made. They briefly embrace before disappearing into the back room, where Doc lives. Offstage, a shot rings out and the girl comes back onstage briefly to exit the pub. In the last scene, Doc's memorial service, all the patrons start haranguing her.

"Karen" resolves to play the part of the girl. She barely prepares before her audition. Instead, she goes to club/theater where "David" is holding auditions. She sees a pretty, waifish girl talking with "David" and thinks that this is the type of girl one might envision to play the part of the girl. However, "Karen" lands the part by doing a Trust Exercise from the first part with "David." The line she uses is: "You don't think I can do this" (174).

In the present day, "Karen" thinks about her long obsession with "Sarah" as they go to a Mexican restaurant in LA. "Sarah" is drinking heavily as they talk about "Karen's" brother, whom "Sarah" pretends to remember well, though "Karen" doubts her. She and her brother are close. "Sarah" is shocked to learn that "Karen" lives in their old hometown and asks if she sees anyone they went to high school with. "Karen" replies that she sees "David" a lot, and "Sarah" asks about him. At this point, "Karen" informs the reader that she has a great memory: "total recall" (181) of things that happened. Her mother used to use this memory as a party trick, though later she used it as a weapon against "Karen." "Karen" tells "Sarah" about the play and explains that she got cast in it. "David" let her know that "Martin" would be playing Doc and asked her if she'd ever had an affair with "Martin," though "Karen" does not answer. "Sarah" decides that she should come see the show. "Karen" suggests that she act as "Karen's" dresser for old times' sake, presenting it as a "crazy idea" (185).

"Martin" comes back to their hometown. "David's" group is rehearsing, and will perform, in an old warehouse that's now a bar in front and a performance space in back, divided by curtains. On the day that he comes back, "Karen" waits for him and "David" to arrive, with the other four actors there, all under the age of 25, in the space. "David" and "Martin" come in late. "Martin" seems very surprised to see "Karen," but acts enthusiastic about seeing her.

As they rehearse, "Karen" makes suggestions about the gun. She proposes showing the audience that it is present in the first act of the play. Furthermore, she encourages "David's" desire for authenticity in getting a blank gun (rather than a prop gun). She thinks back to a few evenings earlier, when she and "David" debated the accusations about "Martin," and she claimed she wasn't a helpless victim. Now, with "Martin" present, the group is going out to The Bar, but "Karen" refuses to go with them. "Karen" pursues getting a blank gun from her father, who is a carpenter who often works for the local opera. He is against her using a blank gun, and she gets both a prop gun and a blank gun from a friend of his. As rehearsals continue, "Karen" begins to feel better about "Martin" now that she can see him every day.

"Karen" recalls how "David" promoted "Sarah's" book locally, even though he hadn't read it. "Karen" reveals that this is how she learned about the book and was surprised "David" never read it. She asks him why, and he says that it's fiction, before going on to ask her how she is depicted. In Los Angeles, "Karen" tells "Sarah" how much "David" loved the book, leaving out the fact that he hasn't read it. "Sarah" is surprised and admits she's been scared to contact "David," because she was worried about his reaction. She also admits that she was worried about "Karen's" reaction. "Karen" tells her, "If you were worried that I'd recognize myself in your book, I didn't" (201). In her internal monologue, "Karen" clarifies that she was using the word "recognize" to mean "accept," but "Sarah" takes her words at face value and is relieved.

"Karen" thinks more about her depiction in the book. She points out that Karen is one of the only characters to get a last name, though it's an ugly one ("Wurtzel"). She remembers how her mother, "Elli," campaigned to get the British girls to come to their house. The British girls always asked "Karen" to drive them around, although they didn't like her otherwise. At the end of her shift at the frozen yogurt store one day, "Martin" came to find "Karen." He told her that the girls asked him to appeal to her on their behalf, but that he's on her side. "Karen" drives him home, showing him the town along the way. She finds that she is attracted to him. At the end of the ride, they end up kissing extensively.

Because "Sarah" and "Karen" were close, they went out together with "Liam" and "Martin." "Sarah" and "Liam" were often together, though "Karen" thinks that "Liam" was not as good-looking as "Sarah's" book depicts him, and much stranger. Eventually, the English left, and the girls went to get passports together so that they could visit "Liam" and "Martin." "Elli" was excited, though "Sarah's" mother wasn't, but ended up letting "Sarah" go after her car accident. Before their trip, "Liam" wrote to "Sarah" constantly, though "Martin" only sent "Karen" generic postcards. "Sarah" moved into "Karen's" house before the trip, though "Karen" is unsure if her mother kicked her out. The girls shopped and packed for their trip. "Sarah" had been on a plane before, while "Karen" hadn't, and "Karen" was annoyed by her condescension during their travel, seeing them drifting apart in retrospect.

"Liam" met them at the airport but was surprised to see "Karen"; "Martin" was traveling with a summer stock production. "Karen" pretended to know this and said his letter was probably in the mail before going to the bathroom to throw up. The three then stayed at a youth hostel; later, "Sarah" went to Bournemouth to visit "Liam's" mother, came back, became a cocktail waitress, and saw U2 perform in Cardiff. "Karen" called her father, who did not know about the trip. He arranged for her trip home, where he took her to the doctor, then beat her on finding out she is pregnant. He sent her to a religious organization for the rest of the pregnancy, and she gave birth to a daughter "exactly a month after Christmas" (217). Two weeks later, "Karen" went back to school, where she saw "Sarah" in punk clothes at the front door, marking the end of their friendship.

Back in the present day, "Karen" knows that she does not truly need "Sarah" to come dress her, as there is no quick change in the play. However, she proceeds with the plan. She tells "David" that "Sarah" is coming, and he is upset that she never came before. When "Sarah" arrives, there is still tension between her and "David," but she tells him not to hug her too hard; she is pregnant. As rehearsals go on, "Karen" realizes that for the shadows to line up when she shoots Doc, she'll need to go back onstage and thus make a quick change between scenes. "Karen" covers gun safety extensively with the cast. She and "Martin" practice the shot once with the blank gun, but she doesn't want to practice it more than that. After rehearsal, she asks "Sarah" about the baby. "Sarah" says she felt like she had to have one but isn't sure she wants to. "Karen" tells her that she had a baby herself but doesn't let her respond.

On opening night, "Karen" receives flowers from "Martin" and realizes he remembers everything that happened between them. Meanwhile, "Sarah" is upset that "Mr. Kingsley" is on the list for complementary tickets, telling "Karen" she sees him as "part of what happened to you" (231). Karen responds: "And here I thought he was part of what happened to you" (231), but "Sarah" denies understanding what she means. Watching the rest of the play from the wings, "Karen" feels separate and apart from the show at the same time. When it is time for her character to shoot Doc, she fires the gun twice—not once, as in rehearsal. "Sarah" comes backstage screaming. "Karen" tries to explain why she was upset about the book: "You wrote so much just like it happened, and then left out the actual truth" (234). However, "Sarah" is not listening. "Karen" tells "Martin," who is writhing on the floor, that he won't die, but he won't be the same.