Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion

Tolentino discusses the normalization of feminism over the past decade, as evident in changes in language, media, and celebrity treatment. During this time, she writes, we have experienced a "reframing of female difficulty as an asset rather than a liability" (235), mostly because of the internet. In this context, we have come to see the lives of celebrities as feminist, "rewriting" (235) them and finding patterns. These women have come to serve as tools to teach about feminism online.

This pattern recognition, she writes, is tempting. It combines the desire to evaluate women's worth with progressive politics. It also relies on personal stories; the reaction to Harvey Weinstein was made possible by this, as women knew they'd be believed by most of the audience. As a result, people began to see women as "subjects, not objects" (237) and were able to recognize themselves in the facts others presented. However, Tolentino warms, this is dangerous: it leads to the evaluation of women's value based on the unfairness of the challenges they have overcome. All women, she writes, confront sexist criticisms, especially famous women. But this doesn’t make it inherently sexist to criticize a woman. Tolentino notes that this becomes especially clear when analyzing famous right-wing women.

Tolentino then contextualizes how we view women's situations: in the context of male power. This view can be traced back to biblical stories (Tolentino cites those involving Eve, Lot's wife, and Delilah), all serve as examples of what not to do. Yet interpretations of these stories show a duality: "By nature, difficult women cause trouble, and that trouble can almost always be reinterpreted as good" (239). In other words, Tolentino writes, women claiming power seen as rightfully men's produces two stories: one evil, one liberating.

Retelling women's stories, Tolentino argues, necessarily means amplifying the voices of the patriarchy, because in order to argue against something, you must first define it. Arguing against something gives it power. Tolentino then focuses on the example of Sady Doyle's 2016 book, Trainwreck: The Women We Love to Hate, Mock, and Fear…and Why, in which Doyle analyzes historical and contemporary women perceived as difficult. The book's aim is to show mistreatment in order to stop it, providing numerous examples of this mistreatment. Tolentino acknowledges the argument that we have to understand power to dismantle it, but she notes that the book doesn't take into account historical changes between the 18th century and the present day, much less recent changes. In this moment, she writes, female celebrities do have power and money as women, historically, did not; criticism complicates this but doesn't take it away.

Tolentino then writes about the recent doxing of Kim Kardashian and Elena Ferrante. Tolentino positions these as more than just an online backlash to the punishment of female success; instead, she states this centered around the difficulties women face in succeeding, and how those difficulties remain part of the public discourse around their success. For the average woman, these discourses have limited usefulness, as their lives are different. Tolentino references Anne Helen Peterson's 2017 book Too Fat, Too Slutty, Too Loud: The Rise and Reign of the Unruly Woman, which argues that "unruly" women are given disproportionate significance. Yet "unruliness" is a broad category and has come to cover even imaginary criticism, such as in the case of Caitlyn Jenner. In the chapter on Kardashian, Peterson examines her weight gain during pregnancy and criticism for not changing her clothing to be more modest. While this argument is often presented as feminist, Tolentino argues, the qualities that led to Kardashian's criticism are the same that led to her fame and wealth.

Tolentino admits that these women do show the dated nature of social boundaries, but also that this is already accepted knowledge. In fact, the standards that celebrities reflect/perform can actually lag behind those expected from ordinary women. Tolentino questions the idea that giving famous women more freedom will make ordinary women free. She writes that this assumes that the goal of the discourse is to empower women but argues that difficult women produce a different kind of conversation.

Tolentino contrasts this with a discussion of female celebrities who are not difficult, epitomized by the "lifestyle supermom" Peterson writes about. In their cases, feminists often have conflicting feelings about these influencers as well. Tolentino presents a different option as a way out of this discourse: not paying attention to famous women and the emotions they provoke at all. She references an Alana Massey essay "Being Winona in a World Made for Gwyneths,” and states that the framework of analyzing women itself is flawed. Furthermore, feminists' justification of female difficulty has led to "a blanket defense" (252) for women.

Tolentino traces how the discussion about difficult women became mainstream in 2018, and in particular how it applied to the women of the Trump administration. Though these women are difficult in many traditional ways, any criticism of them becomes tied inevitably to sexism to the extent that some feminists have come close to apologizing for them. This is despite the fact that the administration's policies hurt women. This is to the administration's benefit. Tolentino cites several examples of these women being defended by feminists, including Kelley Conway, whom Chelsea Clinton defended. However, Tolentino argues, "generic sexism" (257) doesn't take away any of Conway's power. In fact, Conway actually gets some power from it.

Tolentino then discusses Hope Hicks as an example of the ideal Trump administration woman, deferent and beautiful, writing that feminists need to discuss her in terms of the patriarchy: she "seems to have been shaped at a deep, true, essential level by conservative gender politics, and she has consistently acted on this, as is her right" (258). However, Tolentino also wonders if she's giving a voice to sexist discourse by discussing this topic at all. She ties in comedians Michelle Wolf and Samantha Bee's jokes about various women in the administration, which, in the case of Bee, led to an apology to Ivanka Trump. Tolentino states that Bee's critics didn't care about feminism but were simply coopting its language to their benefit.

Tolentino ends the chapter by examining Hillary Clinton's presidential loss. Clinton was perceived as difficult, and unsuccessfully tried to use the sexism leveraged against her to her benefit. Tolentino writes that she found her moving as a politician, but the effort to combat the sexism she faced only did "the crippling disservice of rendering her generic" (262). Meanwhile, the sexist discourse remains. Tolentino claims that promoting difficult woman hides the value of the individual, as all women face sexism and one doesn't have to be a feminist to fight against this. She is careful to distinguish this fight from pure self-interest.