This Is How It Always Is

Roo’s anti-social behavior comes to a head when he gets in trouble for fighting fellow student Derek McGuinness at school. While Rosie tends to Roo’s cut forehead, Roo angrily explains that he was fighting with Derek McGuinness due to Derek’s homophobic comments. He also clarifies that his video about the military trans ban was intended as social commentary about transphobia. He accuses his parents of being ashamed that Poppy is trans. Rosie and Penn begin to worry that Poppy feels the same way, and they reflect on why they have continued to keep the secret: “Maybe it was that they were still angry, still had much to be angry about” (193).

Ben and Cayenne go to the beach alone to celebrate the end of school. Cayenne presses Ben to tell her a secret that no one else knows. Blinded by the possibility of sex and the approval of the person he loves, Ben tells Cayenne about Claude. Ben “saw something his parents did not, which was that when something was this significant, this consequential, you didn’t keep it from someone you loved, even if that someone was Cayenne Granderson” (196).

During the fall season, Penn makes progress on his novel, which he refers to as the DN, for “Damn Novel.” He resolves to finish it this year. One day, Poppy asks Penn what the “hedge enemy” is (199). Penn figures out that Poppy meant “hegemony,” a word she learned from her teacher. Penn explains that hegemony means one group has control over another. He then explains patriarchy to her. Later that night, Poppy frets about whether she should have a boy job or a girl job when she grows up. As a result of this conversation, Rosie debates with Penn over giving Poppy hormone blockers. Rosie insists that life would be easier for Poppy if she embraced Claude, her male side. 

Rosie is seeing an older patient who refuses to stop running to save her knees when she receives a phone call from Poppy. In a small, scared voice, Poppy tells her mother that all of her classmates now know about her past as Claude.

At school, fellow classmates Marnie Johnson and Jake Irving accuse Poppy of being a boy. “We heard [...] you have a giant dick,” Jake snickers (211). Poppy neither confirms nor denies this statement, and by lunch the rumor has spread like wildfire. Poppy’s friends urge her to correct the bullies. When the teasing continues, Poppy leaves the school mid-class. Instead of finding Poppy in tears, Rosie is met by Poppy’s silence. Though Ben initially takes the blame for giving away the secret, having told Cayenne, one by one each boy comes to Rosie and Penn to confess. 

After more silence, Penn comes into Poppy’s room to find she has cut all her hair off. Poppy insists on reverting back to Claude. Claude refuses to go to school. Jake texts Poppy to apologize. Roo writes a stunning, tender college essay about how his own life had changed because of Poppy. Ben tries to scare Claude out of denying himself his identity as Poppy by describing the harsh realities of being a boy: “Guys get beat up for everything” (221). Aggie angrily confronts Claude about having kept his secret from her, though in doing so Aggie admits that she has kept a secret of her own: Until recently, she wet the bed at night, and she wore a diaper every time the two had a sleepover. Aggie asks: “‘Does that change how you feel about me?’ ‘No,’ Claude said. ‘See? I told you. I had faith in you. You should have had faith in me’” (226).

Rosie’s coworker Howie continues to pressure her to take on extra work responsibilities, such as planning meetings or volunteering abroad, and he brings up a clinic in Thailand as one possible volunteer opportunity. Mr. Tongo encourages Rosie and Penn to see Poppy’s incident at school as an opportunity to come out. “It’s a queer right of passage,” Mr. Tongo exclaims. “She had to do it, and the sooner the better—the closet’s no good for anyone” (229). At home, Rosie walks in on Penn looking at synthetic vaginas online. At first, she worries that Penn is cheating on her; then she realizes he is looking in case Poppy wants gender reassignment surgery in the future. This catalyzes another argument between Rosie and Penn about Poppy’s gender. Rosie tells Howie she will go to Thailand if she can bring Poppy.