This Is How It Always Is

1. General Impressions

Gather initial thoughts and broad opinions about the book.

• What were your favorite and least favorite parts of This Is How It Always Is? Which conflicts, scenarios, and scenes elicited the greatest emotional responses during your reading experience?
• What other LGBTQIA+ narratives does This Is How It Always Is bring to mind for you? How does Frankel’s overall handling of gender politics compare to other authors you’ve read? For example, you might consider parallel novels like Marieke Lucas Rijneveld’s The Discomfort of Evening and Schuyler Bailar’s Obie Is Man Enough.

2. Personal Reflection and Connection

Encourage readers to connect the book’s themes and characters with their personal experiences.

• How did you respond to Rosie Walsh’s and Penn Adams’s parental relationships with Poppy? How do the novel’s familial dynamics compare and contrast with your own family culture?
• How did your regard for Poppy’s character evolve throughout her upbringing? Does her childhood experience resonate with your own? Particularly consider how she exercises her agency and explores her identity as she comes of age.
• The novel explores the dangers and realities of transphobia. How did you process and interpret these explorations? How did Frankel’s overarching commentary expand your own social awareness?
• How did you emotionally react to Poppy’s decision to become Claude again? Did this plot point surprise you? How do you think Poppy’s story would read differently if Poppy were more resolved about their gender identity and expression throughout the novel?

3. Societal and Cultural Context 

Examine the book’s relevance to societal issues, historical events, or cultural themes.

• This Is How It Always Is debunks notions of gender stereotypes and rigid parameters of sexual identity. How is the novel inherently an activist work? Discuss specific plot points, narrative elements, and character arcs.
• Frankel subverts notions of the conventional nuclear family structure, particularly as it relates to domestic roles. How do Rosie’s and Penn’s characters play into these subversions? What other characters’ behaviors also help to disrupt these social constructs?

4. Literary Analysis

Dive into the book’s structure, characters, themes, and symbolism.

• What role do fairy tales play in This Is How It Always Is? How did you interpret the significance of Penn’s tales, his novel, and his life as a writer? How does his vocation relate to Poppy’s regard for fairy tales?
• How do the Madison, Wisconsin, and Seattle, Washington, settings impact the Walsh-Adams family? How does each community and culture relate to the characters’ interpersonal relationships and identity explorations?
• What is the symbolic significance of Roo’s video project? How is the project a narrative device used to further Frankel’s social commentaries? 
• What role does Thailand play in Poppy’s and Rosie’s character arcs? How do cultural differences between Thailand and the US affect the characters emotionally and psychologically? 

5. Creative Engagement

Encourage imaginative and creative connections to the book.

• Imagine if Poppy were your child. Would you parent them in the same way as Rosie and Penn do? What would you do differently, and why?
• Create a playlist that evokes the same emotional moods and narrative tones as This Is How It Always Is. Choose songs that align with each of the primary characters’ most significant self-discovery experiences. Discuss your reasoning behind each song on the playlist. 
• The novel ends on an ambiguous note. Write a new ending, including an explicit outcome for the characters. How do you imagine Poppy’s self-regard and gender expression changing over time?

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