The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

Antifeminism perpetuates the idea that feminism is bad for men. Conservative antifeminists build upon a platform that insists that “feminism is destroying family life” (107). hooks critiques this line of thinking for its inability to recognize the irony that feminists are viewed as extreme, but a patriarchal society that promotes violence against women and children is viewed as normal. She observes that many men rebel against the patriarchy in small ways without recognizing the system by its name; however, she points out that these small acts of rebellion have more to do with individual gain than with efforts to change a culture.

hooks acknowledges that a subsection of feminists capitalizes on “man-hating” rhetoric. However, she does not shy away from exposing the ways that a patriarchal culture of domination shaped this approach to feminism. Many women turned to the liberation movement after experiencing violence and abuse at home; their anger naturally turned toward the opposite sex instead of showing them how the same culture that oppresses them also oppresses men. Feminist writing and activism leaves men out of the conversation. Gender equality focuses on empowering girls to challenge the patriarchy and status quo while failing to provide boys with useful alternatives. hooks argues that the only way to truly dismantle a patriarchal culture is through “a feminist vision that embraces feminist masculinity” (111).

Men who do embrace a feminist perspective end up abandoning it because feminism fails to provide a viable alternative to patriarchy. These men are made to feel weak or emasculated in a new system that emphasizes female domination. hooks suggests that men need male models of feminist integrity who can demonstrate maleness and masculinity without domination. Feminism should not require the abolition of masculinity, nor should it denounce femininity. Feminist masculinity can take the place of patriarchal masculinity and rupture the long-perceived connection between maleness and control. Patriarchal culture sells the ideas that men must dominate to connect to their masculinity and that power is at the core of the male identity while downplaying the ways that these attitudes contribute to violence and predatory behavior.

Therefore, what hooks calls the “dominator model” must be eradicated for both men and women. While many of them may find ways to carve out space for feelings within a patriarchal culture, the nature of that culture will never allow them to be wholly liberated. hooks suggests that the dominator model be replaced with a partnership model that advocates for interdependency. This model rejects the notion that power and control are innately male and instead assumes that all boys are born with a desire for connection. Feminist masculinity allows men to maintain their maleness, which includes their tenderness as well as their assertiveness, and to know when different characteristics are needed.

hooks reveals that systems of patriarchy were being dismantled as women entered the workforce and demanded liberation, while sexist thinking persisted within the home. This “crisis in masculinity” left men with a choice: Embrace feminism, or double down on patriarchy. Those who chose feminism soon waned in their fervor as mass media continued to project patriarchal values. Media outlets and men who acted out their learned need for domination through violence at home turned that behavior into entertainment. Media representations play a powerful role in upholding patriarchal values; even contemporary shows that emphasize female equality continue to project patriarchal masculinity.

Children’s television shows often reinforce the idea of men as violent aggressors. The Incredible Hulk provides the perfect representation of patriarchal dominator culture. In this show, the hero is transformed by his rage and unable to recall his actions when he calms down. The show’s premise is further complicated by its intersection of sexism and racism. Mass media further perpetuate patriarchal culture by characterizing abusive men as abnormal. Serial killers who fly under the radar due to their whiteness and their American typicality are often repackaged as psychologically damaged or as victims of maternal abuse.

These narratives attempt to separate patriarchy from male violence. Men who abuse women are painted as loners, outsiders from traditional society. Entertainment outlets and news reports often endow the heroes of crime tales with the same dominating traits as those that are associated with the perpetrators. When contemporary media acknowledge how patriarchy contributes to male violence, they fail to provide a viable alternative. Men are made to believe that the only way they can function within society is by embracing some aspects of patriarchal culture. hooks observes that Good Will Hunting provides a model for the man who is attempting to break free from the chains of his patriarchal lineage. He cannot achieve growth or change without reconnecting to his own emotions and love for others. hooks explains that patriarchal culture functions as a form of heritage that is passed down from generation to generation. The only way to break this cycle is through love.

hooks argues that patriarchy will persist as long as popular culture reaffirms patriarchal structures. She suggests that mass media can offer a different picture of masculinity that denounces patriarchy and embraces love.