The Viscount Who Loved Me

Content warning: This Themes section of this guide references childhood trauma, the death of parents, and descriptions of anxiety, panic attacks, and night terrors.

Anthony becomes Viscount when he is only 18, and his emotional needs go unmet, which affects how he forms attachments with others in adulthood. In becoming a parental figure to his youngest siblings, Anthony’s emotional needs are invalidated by himself and by the adults around him. It is a passive form of neglect wherein Anthony subconsciously learns his feelings are less important than those around him. The core belief that his father was perfect unintentionally set expectations that were unrealistically high, and engendered feelings of inadequacy when Anthony became a man in his own right. Anthony grows up believing he must stay within the “lines” set by Edmund, because he believes something bad will happen to him if he steps out of bounds. For example, he does not pursue a love match because of how profoundly heartbroken Violet was when Edmund died—love only makes grief worse, and Anthony does not want to cause anyone any unnecessary pain. Anthony avoids love and marriage as a coping mechanism, believing that if he never marries or loves anyone, then fewer people will be hurt by his inevitable untimely death.

For Kate, her father eventually stopped trying to talk to her about what she saw when her birth mother died. As soon as it was no longer a viable conversation, Kate unconsciously learned that her caregivers would not support her emotionally, so she grew up believing that she had to be the strongest one in the family—at first only for herself, but later for Mary and Edwina, too, when Mr. Sheffield died. Initially, Mary fully stepped into the maternal role when she married Kate’s father, since she vowed to love Kate as her own daughter and give her the life her mother would have wanted. Not only did Mr. Sheffield’s death parentify Kate, but it also made Mary’s caregiving become inconsistent. Though she was struggling to navigate her own grief as a new widow, Kate and Edwina still needed Mary to help them feel secure. Mary’s detachment made Kate feel unworthy, especially when compared to Edwina. Though Mary loves Kate and never intended for her to feel this way, Kate develops a core belief that no one will care for her. As such, she throws her full efforts into caring for Edwina, making her feel safe, loved, and accepted. Part of Kate’s healing comes from learning to choose herself and see herself as being worthy of love and safety, and much of that development comes from her relationship with Anthony. Kate’s healing progresses exponentially when she repairs the ruptured caregiver bond with Mary. Mary acknowledges her passive neglect, helps Kate understand the root of her trauma, and explains how and why their family’s dynamic changed. They speak openly about their feelings and unpack their grief together. In doing so, they set an example for Anthony to later do the same. Kate learns that her emotional distress matters to Mary, and it matters to Anthony, too; their conversation heals the parent-child bond and helps Kate open herself up to emotional intimacy with her partner.