The Unlikely Hero of Room 13B

“If doing psycho homework would put him on the fast track to being fixed, then move over, Adam was boarding that bus.”

This passage highlights Adam’s immaturity and naive understanding of his OCD. Adam has a strong desire to cure his OCD and get out of the support group. He wants to be normal but does not actually care about doing the work necessary to get there. This quote shows that Adam is more concerned with getting “fixed” fast and easy rather than actually facing his problems.

“It was for sure some twisted thing because it had freaked out his mom even though she tried to keep it a secret again.”

Adam tells the reader what he knows of the letters his mom has been receiving. Because his mother won’t talk about them, they are surrounded in mystery, and they cause Adam anxiety. Throughout the novel secrets and lies comprise a motif that directly connects to Adam’s condition and compulsions and his journey toward maturity and recovery.

“Adam looked very much like his mother, yet also like his father. This meant that he ‘fit’ seamlessly into both houses, and neither.”

Adam is constantly caught between being with his mother and his father. He tries to make everyone happy while staying loyal to his mom and supporting his stepbrother Sweetie. The stress of trying to be everything for everyone exacerbates Adam’s stress and makes it hard for him to know where he really belongs.

“The letters were like the inside of the house. Secret. There would be consequences. His mom had laid it out hard a couple of years ago. Talking about the house would be a betrayal. If he betrayed her, they would take her away.”

Adam’s mom makes it very clear to Adam that he must keep the letters a secret from everyone; revealing them would be a direct betrayal against her. Carmella puts so much on her son, and it’s clear that Adam puts a lot on himself because of it. He can see that the letters are toxic, but he fails to recognize how Carmella is manipulating him and he’s hurting himself by keeping her secrets.

“You Ross men seem to like your women complicated.”

Robyn says this to Adam on one of their walks home through the cemetery. This comment lets Adam know that Robyn is aware of his crush on her and establishes a parallel between Robyn and Carmella. Both women are close to Adam, and both of them complicate his life in different ways.

“He really should be here with us, Sebastian. The boy is not safe in that firetrap.”

Sweetie tells Adam this, a comment he overheard Brenda making. It shows that Brenda is worried about Adam living with his mother because of the hoarding and other issues. Adam is confronted with the possible reality that his mom and his home might not be the safest place for either of them.

“Adam knew exactly what his little brother meant. He couldn’t toss off that fear. He knew about the bad thing, about the waiting. Adam had been waiting, preparing, for forever.”

Adam relates to Sweetie’s fear of waiting for something bad to happen because that anxiety lies at the center of his mental health problems. Through all of his counting, cleansing rituals, and other routines, Adam is ultimately trying to prevent anything bad from happening to his loved ones.

“‘It’s not like a crutch or a compulsion, not really. The religious thing just helps with the hyper-anxious bits […] I know it doesn’t stop the bad thing, or change the consequences, see? So it’s different from the OCD. It just helps a little.’ She seemed surprised, as if she hadn’t really noticed that singular fact before.”

Robyn explains that connecting to God through religion provides her with immense comfort and helps her when she’s feeling shame. As Robyn continues to get better, Toten presents religion a possible solution or comfort tool for teens with OCD. She shows that even though faith might not fix the root problems, the comfort that can only be found in a high power has the potential to help.

“He’d done it. Adam had done a ritual in public and the world hadn’t ended.”

Adan feels relieved when he completes one of his rituals to enter the church. Even though Adam is embarrassed and nervous to tell his friends about his compulsion, he is forced to be open and honest. In doing so, he finds that he is stronger and more capable than he expected. This moment lays groundwork for future scenes, when Adam embraces truth and honesty more fully as part of his path to recovery.

“He remembered now why he hated doing these. Full-frontal reality. Reality sucked.”

Adam loathes doing his List homework in which he has to write 10 “I believe” statements. It’s difficult for him to write about his struggles with OCD, his mother’s letters, and his complicated relationships with others. Adam usually rips up the lists after writing them, feeling intense shame after confronting his reality, which demonstrates his desire to escape himself and his mind.

“I believe there are times that my molecules are nuclear and that they’ll explode, raining radiation on all those I love unless I execute certain cleansing and clearing rituals, but I’m going to work on that too.”

Adam tries to accurately explain what his OCD feels like through one of his lists. Adam simultaneously feels that he is the cause of chaos in his life and that he needs to be the protector and fighting hero for his family. Touching on the theme of perceived versus real heroes, Adam’s mental health centers on the idea of an ideal, perfect man.

“He knew it must be bullshit, just his stupid thoughts; it meant nothing, didn’t do a damn thing. Yet he felt the need to layer on ever-newer rituals in order to keep his mother safe, in order for it to feel ‘just right.’”

In acknowledging that his fears might seem silly and implausible, Adam shows how a mental disorder like OCD can become all-consuming. Even though Adam desperately wants to get better, he cannot stop himself from counting and doing his clearing rituals. He believes this is the best way to help and protect his mother.

“Adam shouldn’t have told him that. That was disloyal. That was wrong. It would hurt her. It would come back on him—it was coming back on him. Betraying her, making everything worse. He remembered the garbage bags, winced.”

Adam regrets telling Chuck about the excessive hoarding and collecting because Carmella has convinced him that talking about her issues is a betrayal against her. He remembers that the garbage bags are a lie and she hasn’t been cleaning any of the junk in their house. Adam is conflicted because he knows his mom’s habits and secrets are causing his problems to escalate.

“It was like a high-pressure front blew in and swallowed up everything that was thick and heavy […] And Adam felt fine. Shockingly, brilliantly fine. Once again, he had told. Once again, a relief so pure and powerful rocked him to the core.”

Adam is learning that telling the truth and trusting his friends is what will ultimately lead to relief and clarity. He tells Robyn and the rest of the group about the letters, and instead of feeling judged or like he’s done something wrong, he feels better. Taking courageous step and recognizing the relief it brings shows that Adam is truly maturing along his bildungsroman journey.

“Adam had to be strong for her. Robyn needed a strong defender, protector, warrior […] something much more than he was. Yet he would and could be that for her, and also for his mom and for Sweetie. There was no time to be tired.”

Adam carries the responsibility of so many people on his shoulders, from his parents and brother to his friends and Robyn. He is convinced that he needs to be more for them, which involves being an ideal version of a male figure. He thinks he has to be stronger and taller, like a warrior. He fails to see that this takes significant energy out of him and that he already demonstrates heroism in smaller, more subtle ways, such as in his care and support for Sweetie.

“But when it came down to it, he’d rather be awake in the glaring light with Sweetie hogging all his blankets than alone in the claustrophobic darkness of his own home. The truth made him sick.”

Admitting that he would rather spend time at his dad’s house than in the chaos of his mother’s house makes Adam feel guilty. He is trying to find a balance between his two worlds, which is a lot for a young boy.

“Each time he left for them, he felt he was abandoning her.”

Adam feels caught between staying loyal to his mother, supporting everyone else he loves, and taking care of himself. Carmella’s manipulations only heighten this tension and Adam’s resulting guilt. He feels like he is betraying his mother when he leaves to be with his dad, Brenda, and Sweetie. It is impossible for him to meet the demands of his life, which causes him more stress and anxiety.

“At the root, as you know, is fear, dread, anxiety. I personally believe that OCD has more of a neurobiological than a psychological basis, although one’s emotional environment is critical to the presentation.”

Chuck explains some of the nuances of OCD, which helps provide context for what can trigger the disorder. Adam benefits a lot from Chuck’s guidance, encouragement, and thoughtfulness on his journey to recovery.

“Sometimes it’s actually necessary to hurt the ones you love […] Letting go, Adam. It’s the really hard part of growing up. You’re ready.”

Mrs. Polanski gives Adam this advice, and Adam knows she must be right. As he gets closer to the climax of his journey, he must confront several of his fears, such as his mother’s poor mental health, the letters, and his fear of losing Robyn. It is hard for him to accept that growing up sometimes means letting go and hurting people he loves.

“I believe that all of the superheroes (maybe even Wolverine) are my friends and that I am theirs. This is important in a way I haven’t figured out yet.”

This is one of Adam’s statements written as part of his List homework, in which he has to write about his reality. He can’t yet see the importance of being a good friend, but this admission foreshadows the significance of his newfound friendships.

“Adam wasn’t sure why he was getting these blinding little insights, but lately he’d started to notice the world around him a bit more.”

In a moment that signifies Adam is truly maturing, he realizes that Chuck helps many more patients besides himself. He’s noticing the world around him, thinking about others, and recognizing that adults do a lot more than just what he can see.

“You are so here for everyone in here, all the time. I don’t think it even registers with you how much you carry. You worry about too many people, like your mom, and your fat friend, and your little brother.”

Snooki says this to Adam during a group session. Adam tries to be everything for everyone, putting all the responsibility on his own shoulders. Snooki tries to point out that he doesn’t have to worry so much about everyone all the time. It’s hard for Adam to separate himself from the chaos of life and trust that things will turn out all right, which is why he has so much anxiety.

“Maybe everybody has a damn good reason to lie. Maybe we all lie to hide the hurt or fake being strong until we can be strong.”

Adam understands that lying is a part of life. He realizes everybody has something to hide or something they are afraid of. Nearing the end of his coming-of-age journey, Adam feels less stressed and anxious about secrets and lies now that he is able to face his fears.