The Terrible Two

Miles convinces Stuart to switch his upper locker for Miles’s lower one by tricking him into thinking the lower locker is better for finding things on the floor and keeping his lunch cool. After struggling to remember the new combination, Stuart opens the locker and is hit in the face with a whipped cream and cherry pie. Inside the locker is a detailed drawing of the pie delivery contraption. The illustration shows the sophisticated invention and descriptions of each part. The design is impressive, but Miles cannot believe that Niles missed the locker switch and feels like he has a lead in the prank war.

Stuart is not bothered by the pie and enjoys eating the cherries. Hearing the commotion in the hallway, Principal Barkin comes to investigate and immediately accuses Miles of the disruption. Principal Barkin searches the locker for clues but finds nothing. He disperses the crowd, threatening to set a record for sending the most students to detention. Miles notices Niles watching and thinks he sees disappointment on his face. However, while Principal Barkin is watching, Miles opens his locker revealing a can of whipped cream and a large jar of cherries.

In Principal Barkin’s office, Miles asserts that he was framed, but to avoid snitching, he cannot tell him about Niles. Principal Barkin lists off all the strange occurrences that have transpired since Miles came to the school and concludes that they are all his fault. Principal Barkin assures Miles that he has tangled with the wrong person. He tells Miles, “You can’t win. In fact, you’ve already lost! The game was over the second you decided to take on a Barkin!” (156). He points to the pictures on the wall and reminds Miles that five generations of Barkins have been principal, but Miles points out that there are only four pictures. Principal Barkin remembers when his Grandpa Jimmy, who was a bit of a prankster and whom Principal Barkin loved and admired, closed the school during the Blizzard of 1932, tarnishing the family’s perfect record. When his father Bertrand took over as principal, he removed Jimmy’s photo and tossed it in the dumpster. Principal Barkin regrets not rescuing the photo and keeping it for himself. Snapping out of his memory, Principal Barkin reminds himself that he must remain firm and sentences Miles to morning and afternoon detention indefinitely.

Miles goes to the restroom where Niles is waiting. Miles tells him that he wants to call off the war, since he’ll be spending so much time in detention. Niles refuses to accept his surrender, claiming that Miles has too many skills to quit pranking. He appreciates that Miles’s pranks are clever and intellectual. Niles wants to join forces not just so he can teach Miles some things, but so they can take their pranking to the next level. He also admits that they both need a friend. Miles thinks about Niles’s unique personality and wonders if he should accept it. He agrees and they shake hands to call the prank war truce. Niles says he will use his influence with Principal Barkin to prove Miles’s innocence. Meanwhile, they will begin planning an epic prank that will stun the entire school. The chapter ends with an illustration of the cow pamphlet: The average person consumes 48 pints of cow-milk ice cream per year, every cow has a unique hide, and cows do not commit bank robbery (162).

Miles finds a rubber chicken with a coded message in his locker, summoning him to Niles’s home. When he arrives, Niles nervously invites him inside an offer him a long list of beverages. Niles confesses that he’s never had a friend over to his house before and worries that Miles is bored. The boys go to Niles’s room, which is cluttered and piled high with books on a wide variety of subjects. Niles shows Miles the walk-in closet that he has turned into his “prank lab” (169), where the chalkboard painted walls are covered in prank plans and diagrams. Niles explains that Miles must take the Prankster’s Oath, a tradition that dates back centuries to the International Order of Disorder. To fit the theme of disorder, Miles must raise his left hand instead of his right to recite the oath which states that he will do his duty to be a good prankster. Niles declares that they are now the “Yawnee Valley chapter of the International Order of Disorder, hereafter known as the Terrible Two” (170). They devise a secret handshake, which consists of tapping only two fingers that stand for the Roman numeral for five and begin planning their caper.

Niles teaches Miles that April Fools’ Day was created on April 1, 1698, when someone invited everyone in London to the Tower to see the tigers get a bath. Since there are no tigers in the Tower of London, nor do tigers take baths, it was the first recorded prank. Niles thinks April Fools’ Day would be perfect if they got a holiday from school, and he wants to pull a prank that gets school canceled. After thinking about it for two hours, they do not have any solid ideas. Miles suggests controlling the weather or blocking the entrances again. He asks Niles how he got the car on the stairs, but Niles deflects the question, claiming that they need to stay on track. Miles remembers reading in the cow facts pamphlet that cows can walk up stairs but cannot go back down. He shows Niles the pamphlet and they start planning, and after two weeks, the chalkboard is full of plans and diagrams. The illustration shows that the plan involves a treehouse, tents, and cows.

With 52 days until April Fools’ Day, Miles and Niles begin the construction phase of their plan. Holly notices that Niles and Miles are spending more time together and Miles confirms that they are now friends “because there was no better cover story than the truth” (177). They begin building a clubhouse in the woods near the lake and begin camping in the treehouse as they continue working on their plans. An illustration shows the progression of the treehouse building progress as the tree blooms for spring throughout March. When it is completed, they name it “SECRET HQ” (179) and put the finishing touches on their plans.

After a sleepless night, on April 1, Miles slips from his house into the twilight to meet Niles, who arrives wearing all black, including a cowboy hat, and is pulling a bale of hay in Miles’s wagon.

Niles calls out, “Hey, boss! Heyyyyyyyyyyyy, boss! Hup, hup!” (184) and cows from Bob Barkin’s dairy farm stream in from the meadow led by the lead cow, Bossie. They follow the hay bale attached to Niles’s bike as he rides away, while Miles prepares to do his part.

In preparing for his role, Miles read a book entitled Herding With Dignity by J. M. Iverson, which taught him that cows are low on the food chain, and they will move if threatened by a predator. Miles crouches low to the ground and pretends that he is a coyote stalking the herd of cows. Placing himself behind the herd, he moves back and forth like a hunting predator, moving the anxious cows forward. Herding over a hundred cows out of a pasture in the middle of the night exhilarates Miles as he and Niles work together. As they approach the gate, Miles runs ahead to open it and then moves back into stalking mode to successfully move all the cows out of the pasture.

Once they reach the town streets, Miles and Niles use a system of bicycle bells and pitching a tent at each intersection to move the cows toward the school in a straight line. As the cows move, Miles reaches out and touches a cow for the first time, feeling its bristly hide. Miles hears Niles’s bell ring five times, which means someone is coming, and they see a man out in his boxer shorts and a sweatband. When he asks what they are doing in the middle of the night with a herd of cows, Niles says, “What are you doing out in your underwear at four in the morning?” (193). The man agrees it is a fair question and leaves them alone.

They reach the school and Niles leads the cows by scattering hay and calling Bossie. He produces a key ring, opens the front door, and the cows begin streaming into the building. Once the cows are inside, Niles closes the door, and the two friends celebrate with their secret handshake and laugh hysterically.

Principal Barkin’s father calls him at four o’ clock in the morning to remind him to practice his April Fools’ Day speech, so that students understand they will not tolerate pranks. Principal Barkin accuses his father of pranking him for calling so early. His dad says that he is out of line and asserts that he is not a “pranking principal” (197) like Grandpa Jimmy. Principal Barkin cannot go back to sleep, worried that Miles might be planning an April Fools’ Day prank, so he leaves for school early. After parking his car, newly fitted with an alarm, he catches a whiff of cow smell, but assumes it is coming from the field. When he enters the dark building, he feels something large and furry and turns on the light to see a cow. Principal Barkin does not panic and plans to hide the cow in his office. However, he remembers the cow pamphlet: “Fact 586. That cow couldn’t get down stairs” (199). He tries to move the cow, but it refuses. As he struggles, another cow appears, followed by more. As he runs through the halls, Principal Barkin sees cows in every room. He escapes to his supply closet to think of how to salvage the school day, but there is a cow in the closet eating the mop.

Miles and Niles join the crowd of students waiting to enter the school. Principal Barkin addresses them over a bullhorn announcing that there has been a small fire, and no one can come into the building. He adds that there was a flood that put out the fire, but the school day will still go on. Stuart shouts that he smells cows, but Principal Barkin asserts that when something is on fire and a flood extinguishes the fire, it releases a cow smell. Holly hears a cow mooing and Stuart sees that there are six cows in the art room. Principal Barkin becomes increasingly upset as students realize that the building is full of cows. Ms. Shandy tells him that there’s no hiding it anymore, and Principal Barkin sends the kids away, conceding that school is canceled for the day.

After celebrating with breakfast at Niles’s house, Niles and Miles return to the school to finish the prank. Principal Barkin and Josh are trying to herd the cows out of the school but cannot get them down the stairs. Principal Barkin accuses Miles of pulling the prank, but Niles asserts that he could not have done it because he spent the night at his house studying for Ms. Shandy’s test. Principal Barkin is sad that school was canceled on test day, and Niles reminds him that it is also election day. Niles suggests that Principal Barkin call his brother to retrieve the cows, but he says that he cannot, because Bob would tell everyone. Miles and Niles explain that they think Josh is behind all the pranks since he has access to school keys and other information through his father. Principal Barkin says that Josh could not have pulled the prank because he was at Cody Burr-Tyler’s party last night. Miles explains that Cody Burr-Tyler is a fake person, and Niles pretends to be shocked that he attended the birthday party and even brought a gift. Principal Barkin shows them the invitation written in red ink. The illustration shows the invitation to the “annual Nature Scout Outdoor Jamboree” (211) campout, but Niles suggests it is a forgery. Principal Barkin goes pale and leaves.

Previously, Miles sent Josh an invitation to Cody Burr Tyler’s Jamboree, but it was written in blue ink. An illustration shows the invitation inviting Josh to “Cody Burr-Tyler’s secret pranking club” (213) which meets in the treehouse. If he stays all night, he can join the club and add his initials to the wall. The invitation includes a map of the treehouse and a suggestion to tell his parents that he’s attending a nature jamboree. Josh made the red-ink invitation to lie to his father.

Principal Barkin confronts Josh, who confesses he was not at the nature jamboree, but he did spend the night in the treehouse and carved his initials in the wall. When Josh takes his father to see the treehouse, it is gone. Miles and Niles took it apart when they came home for breakfast. Principal Barkin grounds Josh and puts him on probation at school, which prevents him from being class president, meaning that Holly will run unopposed. When Josh protests, his father reminds him that he is the principal with ultimate power.

Bob uses a ramp to move the cows out of the school, the same way someone moved the car up the stairs. Miles returns home and finds a shoebox on his porch with a “SCHOOL HELPER HELPER” (216) sash inside. He crashes into bed early feeling satisfied that he is a prankster, and that Niles is his friend. He sleeps soundly for the first time since moving to Yawnee Valley, even as a cow moos outside.