The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism

Higashida explains how, on a flight to the Japanese island of Hokkaido, he invented a short story about a character called “Autisman.” Inspired by the feeling of gravity pulling on him in the plane, Higashida describes how Autisman encounters and speaks with an “earthling” who has visited Autisman’s home planet. The earthling says that he feels weighed down and asks Autisman if he does not feel the same. Autisman man responds by saying that he feels fine but that on the earthling’s planet, he feels totally weightless.

Higashida answers the question “What’s the reason you jump?” (76). He says that emotions affect some people with autism physically, and when experiencing an emotion, some people with autism seize up “as if struck by lightning” (77). As such, jumping up and down is a way of freeing up the body and “shaking loose” this feeling of being trapped or constrained (77). Higashida then adds that he sometimes wishes that he could fly like a bird and jump up and into the sky.

Higashida looks at the question “Why do you write letters in the air?” (78). Higashida says that some people with autism do this as an aid to memory since, by writing in the air, they solidify certain words and statements in their thoughts. More than this, writing letters and words in the air can be a source of comfort since signs and symbols, unlike other people and spoken words, “never change” in meaning (78).

Higashida addresses the question “Why do people with autism often cup their ears? Is it when there’s a lot of noise?” (81). Higashida explains that some people with autism do not necessarily do this because the noise is loud, but because certain noises can provoke emotional reactions. Specifically, certain noises, which differ from one person with autism to another, create a fear that “[they’ll] lose all sense of where [they] are” (81). It is to avoid this feared loss of orientation that some people with autism try to block or dampen the sound with their hands.

Higashida answers the question “Why do you move your arms and legs about in that awkward way?” (63). Higashida says that he does not have a full sense of where his arms and legs are located, nor a clear feeling of where they are in relation to the rest of his body. As such, he finds it difficult controlling his limbs or moving them in the way that he has been directed, for example by a gym teacher.

Higashida explores the question “Why do you do things the rest of us don’t? Do your senses work differently in some way?” (85). Higashida suggests that some people with autism people do not necessarily have different physical senses or a different nervous system. Rather, he says, “[I]t’s actually our emotions that trigger the abnormal reactions” (86). Extreme emotional states, and the inability to communicate these states to others, leads to these emotions getting expressed in a physical, bodily reaction.

Higashida addresses the question “Why are you too sensitive or insensitive to pain?” (87). Higashida notes that some people with autism seem to get very upset about simple physical procedures, like getting their hair or nails cut. However, he argues, this response is not to do with an excess of physical sensitivity but rather that certain physical actions trigger upsetting emotional responses in some people with autism. On the other hand, some individuals with autism who appear to be unaffected by things that ought to cause physical pain, like an injury, are likely just unable to properly express what they are feeling.

Higashida answers the question “Why are you so picky about what you eat?” (89). Higashida says that some people with autism can seem picky because different food tastes can be overwhelming for them, just like an excess of sound. As such, they are more likely to stick with what is familiar rather than, like people without autism, eat a variety of foods and different types of food for each meal.

Higashida answers the question “When you look at something what do you see first?” (91). Higashida argues that people with autism see the world differently from people without autism. People without autism see the whole “scene” first and only then notice the details afterward. In contrast, individuals with autism see the details first and then the “whole” only later.

Higashida examines the question “Is it difficult for you to choose appropriate clothing?” (93). Higashida notes how some people with autism “prefer to wear the same clothes day in, day out” regardless of the weather (94). Higashida attributes this trait to some people with autism’s desire to guard themselves against uncertainty by having only a few sets of clothes that they always wear.

Higashida now addresses the question “Do you have a sense of time?” (95). Higashida says that people with autism do have a sense of time but that it is different from the way people without autism experience it. Namely, some people with autism find it very hard to grasp or conceptualize time, experiencing it as something “slippery” and ambiguous (95). This ambiguity and a perceived lack of control in relation to time causes some people with autism a great deal of anxiety.

Higashida answers the question “Why are your sleep patterns all messed up?” (99). Higashida observes that some people with autism have problems with sleep and that he used to, although he does not anymore. Higashida admits that he cannot explain why some people with autism struggle to fall asleep at normal times. However, he implores parents not to rebuke children with autism if they are unable to fall asleep at an appropriate time.