The Pinballs

“She waited, and then she said, ‘So what happened?’

There was a long pause. Harvey looked down at his legs. In his mind the shiny Grand Am lunged over him again. He felt sick. He said, ‘If you must know, I broke my legs playing football.’

He wished it had happened that way. A boy at school had broken his ankle playing football, and everyone in school had autographed his cast.”

The memory of the event that broke his legs is traumatic for Harvey. To avoid the upsetting truth that his father was drunk and ran over him with his car, Harvey lies. The lie reveals the kind of life Harvey wishes he had, where he is athletic and popular at school.

“Harvey felt a twinge in his right leg. It was the worst of the breaks. The bone had gone through the skin.

He looked at the back of Carlie’s head. He would have liked to answer her back, to insult her, but he knew that Carlie could out-insult anybody he had ever met.”

This twinge of pain foreshadows the infection that puts Harvey in the hospital. Through the novel, Harvey feels increasing pain in his right leg under his cast but does not mention it to anyone because he avoids discussing his accident as much as possible. He tries to avoid confrontation of any sort, like responding to Carlie’s teasing.

“He had been as pleased when he found it as if it had been a gold nugget. He couldn’t wait to bring it to her. Once when he had found the Bensons’ father’s gold watch, they had been so happy they had patted him. It was the only time that the Benson twins had ever touched him on purpose.”

When Thomas J finds Carlie’s lost earring, he hopes that bringing it to her will make her praise and validate him in the way he craves. One of The Effects of Parental Abuse on Children, when abuse takes the form of neglect, is that children will go to extremes to seek out approval from others. Thomas J has been physically deprived of affection, love, and touch, which are essential to childhood development.

“‘It means I don’t know who I am anymore. I have no identity.’

‘You’re my wife, isn’t that identity enough? You’re Harvey’s mother! And remember, you were the one who wanted a kid so much. I said, “Let’s wait,” but oh, no, you—’

‘I want to be me.’”

Harvey overhears an argument between his parents. His mother is experiencing a loss of identity and autonomy due to his father’s controlling nature. His father belittles her desire to be her own person and insinuates that he did not want Harvey to be born. Though Harvey’s mother is not at fault for wanting to extract herself from a harmful situation, she is at fault for the way she does so, which abandons Harvey to an unsafe living situation.

“For some reason, insults didn’t hurt her. People could insult her all day long, and she would insult them right back. But let somebody say something polite or nice to her—it made her feel terrible.”

Carlie is more comfortable facing harsh words than kind ones. When she faces insults, she can steel herself against their words without exposing her heart and emotions to them. She cannot do the same thing when people are kind or polite to her. Those instances leave her feeling vulnerable, and she believes that being vulnerable puts her at greater risk of being hurt.

“‘They’re just things. They hit this bumper, they go over here. They hit that light, they go over there.’

‘Carlie—’

‘And as soon as they get settled, somebody comes along and puts in another dime and off they go again.’ […] ‘I can’t help Harvey and I can’t help myself.’”

Carlie explains the symbolism of being pinballs to Mrs. Mason. She creates this metaphor—of an object that is moved around without its consent and powerless to control its own path—to explain how Carlie imagines her, Harvey, and Thomas J’s existences. Carlie’s belief that they are pinballs is another of her defense mechanisms. She doesn’t want to get emotionally involved with either of the boys because she thinks someone will “pu[t] in another dime” and they’ll be scattered.

“The tears were not for him, Harvey had sensed. They were for the doctor and the pretty nurse and especially for the police who were charging him with drunken driving. Harvey had lain there and not shed a tear.”

This passage captures the relationship between Harvey and his father. Harvey’s father’s care is performative. He acts as if he is penitent about Harvey’s injury for his son’s sake, but Harvey thinks his real emotions are for himself. He is crying for the police because he is at risk of legal action, and he is crying for the nurse because he finds her attractive and wants her to think he is a compassionate father. Harvey unemotional response, which he maintains until the end of the novel, is a survival mechanism.

“At the door, Carlie paused. ‘Harvey, when I do run away, will you miss me?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘I’ll give you a sample of life without me.’ She went into the kitchen, then she called out the window. ‘Pretty bad, isn’t it, Harvey?’

He didn’t look up.”

This quote marks the beginning of Carlie and Harvey’s increasing bond. Carlie is realizing the complexities of Getting What You Want Versus Getting What You Need: She wants correspondence from her mother but hasn’t gotten it, so she begins exploring her relationship with Harvey and Thomas J. This passage also demonstrates key characteristics of both characters: Carlie’s teasing nature and Harvey’s increasing despondency.

“Well, I knew I would come to love the child and I knew the child would leave, and I didn't think I could stand it. I wanted, you know, a child of my OWN, capital letters, who would never leave. Only nobody has that, Carlie.”

This passage explores Mrs. Mason’s character and how she became a foster parent. Mrs. Mason emphasizes that what someone thinks they want can be unrealistic. She gives Carlie an important lesson: that no one will stay forever. It is more realistic to provide love and support so people can grow and thrive both with someone and on their own. This passage also echoes the scene in which Mrs. Mason shows Carlie pictures of former foster children who have moved on; Mrs. Mason wants to remind Carlie that her life will continue and that she can survive and be successful after she leaves foster care. Children grow and leave whether they are with their parents or in foster care.

“He had been afraid they wouldn't know him. Sometimes at home they had forgotten him. He would go in for supper, and there would only be two places set at the kitchen table.”

Thomas J experiences abuse in the form of neglect. Neglect is when a child’s needs are not provided for either physically or emotionally. This key piece of his backstory shows some of what Thomas J experienced at the Benson twins’ house. By forgetting about Thomas J at key moments like supper—which is both a social event and an activity necessary for survival—the twins are not providing Thomas J with the validation or emotional connection he needs to grow and thrive in a healthy way.

“Thomas J sat without looking up. In his pocket was the Bensons’ father’s watch and the three gold coins. He had never felt a heavier burden.”

This passage demonstrates The Effects of Parental Abuse on Children. In the hospital, the Benson twins gave Thomas J instructions for gathering their prized belongings and taking care of their house. They treat Thomas J, who is only eight years old, more like a servant than a child. This responsibility sits heavily on Thomas J’s shoulders and affects his emotional wellness.

“His favorite story had been about Baby Moses being sent out in a basket by his real mother to a better home. When he heard that story he always imagined his own mother waiting by the road, hiding in the poplar trees, waiting to see the twins take him in.”

Thomas J reflects on his favorite story from the children’s Bible the Benson twins once gave him (one of four presents he received from them in his life). People, especially children, often turn to stories for comfort and relatability. Since Thomas does not get love, support, or affection from the Benson twins, he turns to the story of Moses to envision the mother who left him with them. He hopes that his story is like Moses’s, and that his mother abandoned him out of love and waited to make sure he would be cared for.

“‘I mean, you’re always hearing how dangerous the streets are and how you’re going to get mugged or hit on the head? Well, in the streets I was perfectly safe. It was when I got home that I got mugged and attacked.’

Harvey said in a quiet voice, ‘My father ran over my legs. That’s how they got broken.’

He spoke so quietly that Carlie thought she hadn’t heard right. ‘Ran over them?’ She stopped pushing the wheelchair altogether.”

Carlie and Harvey finally share the abuse they have experienced. As they confide more in each other, they increasingly realize The Importance of Love and Support, and how the three children might be able to find it in each other. Carlie’s honesty about her home life spurs Harvey into being honest about how his legs were broken. This unfortunate commonality brings the two closer because they can empathize with what the other is going through.

“In the evenings, he read, everyone at the farm sat around and had discussions. Sometimes one person would sit in the center on a stool and offer himself for discussion. Everyone would then tell what they liked and didn’t like about the person on the stool. Harvey had a hard time imagining his mother sitting there, letting herself be criticized. At home the least thing made her furious. If his father called her casserole ‘earth food,’ she sulked.”

This moment foreshadows Harvey’s realization that he has constructed a fictional version of his mother in his head as a coping mechanism. It is one of many moments where Harvey’s idealistic image of her doesn’t match his actual descriptions of her, like how she would get “furious” over small things. This quote also provides details about the type of commune his mother fled to. Since she didn’t feel seen or able to be herself at home, this community offered the opportunity to be seen by others in both positive and negative ways.

“Harvey was still looking at the top of the hill. ‘I keep hearing a car but I don’t see it.’

Carlie said quickly, ‘How do you want to be famous?’”

Increasingly, Carlie is trying to provide support for Harvey. She initially told Mrs. Mason she couldn’t help Harvey, but in this moment, she senses his worry and discomfort as he waits for his father to arrive at the Masons’ and she tries to distract him. Though she is performatively abrasive, Carlie is perceptive and sensitive to the suffering of others.

“He looked up at his father, taking in all his features. Maybe, he thought, it was because he looked so much like his father. Could his mother, hating his father, hate him too just because of his looks? She was always saying ‘You’re your father’s son,’ and he had known it was not a compliment—but could she hate him because of his looks?”

Harvey struggles to understand why his mother abandoned him and considers in this moment that he is, at least, partly to blame. Though he cannot make sense of a senseless act, he imagines she might have hated him because he resembles his father, a resemblance that makes him fearful and self-conscious. This is also another moment in which the idealized picture he has of his mother falters: Her unfair comparison of an innocent child to his father, who exhibits toxic behavior and is an alcoholic, is problematic behavior.

“Harvey was still staring at his bed. ‘I don’t think I can make it,’ he said.

‘What? Oh, you want to lie down. Here, I’ll help you.’ She started forward.

‘No, I don’t think I can make it—period.’

Carlie stopped in the middle of the room when she realized Harvey was talking about more than getting in bed. ‘Harvey, you have to make it.’

‘I really don’t think I can.’

‘Because, Harvey, listen, you’re one of us—you and me and Thomas J are a set. And I’ve got used to you, Harvey. When I get used to somebody I don’t want anything to happen to them.’”

The effects of abuse on children can be severe: Here, Harvey has lost hope and confesses to Carlie that he isn’t sure he can continue living. Carlie takes his words seriously, stressing to him how important he is to her and Thomas J. Because Carlie is usually such an irreverent character, her abrupt candor and intentional statement of caring for him in this moment drives home the seriousness of Harvey’s emotional state.

“He moved closer to Mr. Mason on the car seat. He felt Mr. Mason’s arm against his. He looked up at Mr. Mason. Suddenly Thomas J felt like somebody out of a book, a fairy tale, who had just stepped into real life and needed to know about it.

He said to Mr. Mason, ‘Tell me some more about the things that happened to you when you were little.’”

Thomas J’s interactions with Mr. Mason show him The Importance of Love and Support for the first time in his life. Mr. Mason and Thomas J had similar upbringings, and Mr. Mason uses stories from his youth to show Thomas J that he is not alone in his struggles. In turn, Thomas J has come to rely on Mr. Mason as an ideal caretaker.

“‘What about Mrs. Mason though? She might get mad.’

‘I’ll take the responsibility. I’m used to people being mad at me. It doesn’t bother me a bit. I’ll say I forced you to come with me and—’

‘No, I want to come on my own. She can get mad at me too.’”

At the beginning of the novel, Thomas J was tentative, quiet, and unassertive. His desire to help Harvey makes him want to take a more active role in getting Harvey a puppy. Though Carlie volunteers to take the blame if Mrs. Mason gets mad about the puppy, Thomas J resists. He wants to be an active force, risking Mrs. Mason’s anger to help Harvey in his time of need. Since he struggled with not knowing how to comfort the Bensons while they were hospitalized, this is Thomas J’s opportunity to show his growth and express his care for Harvey.

“The puppy was wiggling against Harvey’s neck, and suddenly Harvey started to cry. It was the first time he had cried since the accident. It was like turning on a spigot. He sobbed, and the tears rolled down his cheeks in streams. The puppy, wild with all the excitement, licked at the tears.”

Through the novel, Harvey bottled up all his emotions about his mother’s desertion and his father’s abuse. Having an appropriate outlet for one’s emotions is an important factor in having healthy emotional regulation. To this point, Harvey has not had an appropriate outlet, preferring to ignore the intensity of his feelings so he doesn’t have to reckon with his parents’ abuse. The puppy is a symbol of Carlie and Thomas J’s love and care for him; seeing this embodied symbol of their affection breaks through Harvey’s walls and finally makes him release the emotions he kept in.

“In the curve of her arm, Thomas J felt like a stick. He wanted to say ‘What a lovely thing for you to do too,’ but he couldn’t.

He remembered a talk he and Mr. Mason had had. You can’t just blurt out things about love, they had decided, without some training.

Thomas J wished suddenly he had some training.”

Thomas J wants to express the emotions he feels but doesn’t know how because the twins never modeled expressing emotions to each other or to him. With Mr. Mason’s help and advice, Thomas J has come to realize that he needs to practice expressing affection to get better at it. Though Thomas J knows this growth will be a process, he can’t help but lament that he was never taught these things in early childhood. This lingering effect of neglect is something he must continue to work through as he gets older.

“Mr. Mason put one hand on Thomas J’s shoulder. ‘You know, Thomas J, they thought they were doing you a kindness when they took you in. You should always remember that.’

Thomas J looked up at Mr. Mason. ‘They were doing me a kindness.’

Mr. Mason nodded. ‘I’m sure they thought so.’

Thomas J looked back at the Benson twin. Now, dead at age eighty-eight, she actually resembled the president for whom she had been named. ‘I’ll remember,’ Thomas J said.”

Thomas J does not yet understand that the twins’ treatment of him was neglectful. Mr. Mason demonstrates a thoughtful and kind perspective when discussing the twins’ care of Thomas J. As Thomas J matures, Mr. Mason thinks that he will grow to blame the twins for the lingering effects their neglect inevitably left on him. He wants Thomas J to both realize and work through those effects while also recognizing that the twins didn’t know they were harming him.

“Thomas J looked at her in surprise. He said, ‘I can imagine somebody not wanting me, but I can’t imagine anybody not wanting you.’

She looked at him. ‘Thomas J, that was a real nice thing for you to say.’

‘Thank you.’ A small smile came over his face.”

Because of the lingering effects of the twins’ neglect, Thomas J has trouble expressing his emotions. Here, he gives Carlie a genuine compliment. This marks the first time he has been able to express verbally something he has felt about someone. Carlie affirms and thanks him for his words. This positive reinforcement will help Thomas J continue to work on expressing himself.