The Miseducation of Cameron Post

 “How, if my parents were dead, could there still be some part of me that felt relief at not being found out?” 

Cameron contends with the relief she feels at the confirmation that her parents will never find out about her kiss with Irene throughout the first part of the novel. This moment begins the development of the novel’s themes around the complexities of grief and coming to terms with homosexuality.

“I don’t think it’s overstating it to say that my religion of choice became VHS rentals, and that its messages came in Technicolor and music montages and fades and jump cuts and silver-screen legends and B-movie nobodies and villains to root for and good guys to hate.” 

Instead of following Ruth’s lead and turning to religion, Cameron turns to film. Cameron also watches movies to cope with her grief. The structure of plot and character development gives her a sense of order.

“I didn’t say anything. If Irene hadn’t connected those dots herself, then it wasn’t my place to do it for her, to explain that everybody knows how things happen for a reason, and that we had made a reason, and that bad, bad, unthinkable things had happened.” 

After Cameron’s parents die, Cameron distances herself from Irene and tells her that they cannot be friends in the same way. Cameron begins to question the morality of her same-sex attraction as well as probe issues of faith and fate.

“‘There’s no rule that says you have to stay in the same place you were born,’ she said. ‘It’s not like it makes you a bad person if you want to try something new.’” 

This quote shows that Irene expands Cameron’s world in many ways. She is Cameron’s first kiss but also her model in expanding her world outside of their native Miles City, Montana. Examples of independence like Irene’s encourage Cameron to embrace and seek her own freedom.

“It wasn’t enough to accept that Jesus had died for my sins, and to try and not break any of the Ten Commandments, to be kind to people. Things at GOP were much more specific than that. Evil, I learned, was all around me, constantly needing to be battled.” 

Gates of Praise introduces Cameron to a far more extreme understanding of Christianity. In contrast to this dualistic perspective of faith, Cameron questions her ability to absolutely accept any worldview.

“She started me in on the language of gay; she sometimes talked about how liking girls is political and revolutionary and countercultural, all these names and terms that I didn’t even know that I was supposed to know, and a bunch of other things I didn’t really understand and I’m not sure that she did then, either—though she’s never have let on. I hadn’t ever really thought about any of that stuff. I just liked girls because I couldn’t help not to.” 

Danforth begins to sketch out the difference between the ways in which Lindsey and Cameron express their lesbianism. The quote also touches upon the key nature versus nurture debate around homosexuality, implying through Cameron that same-sex attraction is something people are born with.

“‘It’s more like maybe I do know and I’m still confused too, at the same time. Does that make sense?’”

Cameron tries to explain the complexities of her sexual identity to Jamie, who in turn convinces her to try dating him. Through Cameron’s lack of linearity, Danforth depicts the fluid nature of human sexuality. 

“Jamie kissed me twice more during that dance (to “Wild Horses”) and I let him, and after the second time I noticed that Coley had noticed our kiss and she winked at me over Brett’s shoulder and wrinkled her nose and I blushed and blushed, and she noticed that too and winked again, which made me blush harder and hide myself in Jamie’s shoulder, which I’m sure she noticed as well, and which Jamie noticed and was of course reconvinced by, pulling me tighter to him, and there I was sending the wrong signals to the right people in the wrong ways. Again. Again. Again.” 

Cameron, Jamie, and Coley get into a complicated love triangle, with Cameron casually dating Jamie while still pining for Coley. This passage reinforces Lindsey’s warning to Cameron that denying her same-sex attraction will only further alienate Cameron from herself. 

“I’m not gonna make it out to be something it wasn’t: It was perfect—Coley’s soft lips against the bite of the liquor and sugary Coke still on our tongues.” 

Cameron shares her first kiss with her dream girl Coley, which proves to be even more perfect than expected. This idealization of Coley continues even through Coley’s betrayal, later supporting Cameron’s realization that Coley broke her heart.

“Coley slapped my hand away like you would an ant, or something even worse, something that didn’t belong on your skin, at all, ever.” 

Coley’s rejection of Cameron in this moment signals to Cameron that Coley will never be able to fully embrace her same-sex attraction. It foreshadows Coley’s ultimate betrayal and scapegoating of Cameron later in the book. 

“Pastor Crawford kept on in his steady, too-calm voice, talking about how it wasn’t at all too late for me, about Christ’s ability to cure these impure thoughts and actions, to rid me of these sinful impulses, to heal me, to make me whole, while I thought, over and over: Coley told, Coley told, Coley told.” 

Cameron contends with her pre-teen fear that others will discover her attraction to women. Surprisingly, it is Coley who exposes Cameron. This exposure leads to Cameron’s full indoctrination into homophobic religious rhetoric at God’s Promise. 

“In the embrace’s release I caught the scent again. Unmistakable. Marijuana. These homos were high as kites.” 

Up until Cameron discovers that the other God’s Promise students have been smoking marijuana on the school bus, she does not know what to expect from the school. The students’ ability and willingness to break the rules at God’s Promise indicate to Cameron that the school is not what it seems. 

“‘You can’t catch somebody doing something they’re not hiding.’” 

When Jane Fonda tells Cameron the story of how she came to Promise, Cameron expects there to be an incident that prompted Jane’s mother to enroll her in Promise. However, Jane sets the record straight by maintaining that she was a happy and proud lesbian. Jane’s openness about her lesbianism draws a contrast to Cameron’s clandestine experience of same-sex attraction, further tying into the complex ways in which the characters in The Miseducation of Cameron Post come to terms with their homosexuality. 

“‘And to be clear, you don’t know everything there is to know about your mom and dad and what they’d want for you. I knew them both for a much longer time than you did. Can’t you even consider for a minute that this is exactly what they would do in this situation?’” 

Upon dropping Cameron off at Promise, Ruth posits that Cameron did not know her parents as well as Cameron imagines she did. This evokes Cameron’s questioning of the reliability of memory. Cameron decides to remember her parents any way that she wants, to her own benefit.

“‘Did you ever think that maybe it was you coming that made me this way? Maybe I would have been fine, but then every single choice you’ve made since they died was the wrong one?’” 

After Ruth implies that Cameron did not know her parents, Cameron pushes back by blaming Ruth for her misfortunes after her parents’ death. This is the clearest confrontation that Ruth and Cameron have in the book so far, bringing the rising tension between the two characters to a head. This explosive exchange in which Cameron clearly separates herself from Ruth allows Cameron to fully abandon Ruth and Ruth’s ideologies at the end of the book. 

“‘There’s no such thing as homosexuality,’ she said. ‘Homosexuality is a myth perpetuated by the so-called gay rights movement.’ She spaced out each word in her next sentence. ‘There is no gay identity; it does not exist. Instead there is only the same struggle with sinful desire and behaviors that we, as God’s children, each must contend with.’” 

Lydia reconstructs the God’s Promise philosophy. Her words reveal a purely “nurture” understanding of homosexuality, rejecting the idea that people are born with same-sex attraction. The narrative later reinforces this point of view when Lydia urges Cameron to investigate her parents’ role in the formation of her homosexuality.

“‘Winktes are supposed to somehow bridge the divide between genders and be healers and spirit people. We’re not supposed to try to pick the sex of our private parts most align with according to some Bible story and Adam and Eve.’” 

Adam, who is of Lakota descent, offers Cameron another way to see gender and sexuality. His mother’s belief that Adam’s attraction to both sexes and his androgyny make him a powerful spiritual healer presents Cameron with notions of gender and sexuality outside of Anglo-American belief systems. 

“You’d think that dredging up your past during weekly one-on-ones would do just the opposite and make you feel connected to those experiences, to the background that made you, but it didn’t. Jane had called it forgetting yourself, and that was a good way of putting it too. All the ‘support sessions’ were designed to make you realize that your past was not the right past.”

Cameron articulates the insidious nature of the God’s Promise philosophy. Cameron describes the ways in which the school slowly strips students of their individuality by positing that there are incorrect and correct ways to live, express sexuality, and practice faith. The result is that students feel like they are “forgetting” themselves. Cameron’s decision to leave God’s Promise is a grasp towards embracing herself and her life on her own terms. 

“But he didn’t need the scripted, staff-approved answers to questions, because all of Mark’s answers were naturally staff-approved.” 

Mark’s allegiance to the God’s Promise teachings fascinates Cameron. This early adherence to the God’s Promise way of life is thrown into relief when Mark breaks down in the support group. He then self-mutilates himself because of the inadequacy and humiliation he feels for not being able to rid himself of same-sex desire despite his best efforts. It is Mark’s breakdown that causes Cameron’s complete distrust of the God’s Promise methodology and prompts her to flee. 

“And most troubling of all was the word accepts. Something one accepts. I was much better at excepting everything than accepting anything, at least anything for certain, for definite. That much I knew. That much I believed.” 

Watching Mark fundraise for God’s Promise with fervor makes further convinces Cameron of her inability to accept any belief system in totality. Conversely, she declares her infinite curiosity and criticality as the only worldviews with which she subscribes.

“‘There. Now there was no letter,’ she said. ‘That girl exists only as you want to remember her. I’d recommend not remembering her at all.’” 

By throwing Coley’s accusatory letter down the garbage disposal, Jane performs a concrete example of how Cameron can define her life on her own terms. This revisionist approach to the past later inspires Cameron to remember her parents the way she wants to protect herself, despite Ruth’s insinuation that her parents would have also sent her to God’s Promise. 

“He snorted. ‘I happened. Just me. Like always. It’s enough for me to just walk in the room the way that I am.’” 

Through Mark’s plight, Danforth implies that to attempt to change one’s sexual orientation would be to try to change one’s essential self. Despite Mark’s persistent efforts, he is unable to change himself. Mark’s self-inflicted violence represents how forced messages of self-doubt breed self-hatred. 

“He did it quietly, but he didn’t hide his face from me, he just sat in his chair, facing me, and cried.” 

After Mark’s incident, Rick reveals to Cameron that he has doubts about his ability to justify the God’s Promise teachings in the face of such a tragedy. This disintegration of authority creates a gap within which Cameron can question God’s Promise. She reasons that if the leadership cannot stand by its teachings, then neither can its students.