The Last Thing He Told Me

Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2021

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Themes

Unfortunately, All People are a Mixture of Both Good and Bad

In the wake of Owen’s disappearance, Hannah wrestles with what she knows—or thinks she knows—about her husband. Could the same kind, affectionate, loving husband and devoted father be the man involved in financial fraud? Or the same man who ripped his daughter away from the only family she knew and created new identities for both of them?

This question about whether it is right to love someone who is deeply flawed and who occasionally evidences poor judgment relates not only to Owen Michaels, but also to Hannah’s mother, to Carl Conrad, to Jake Anderson, and to Nicholas Bell.

When Hannah was young, her father constantly traveled for work, and eventually left her mother for a relationship with his assistant. Hannah’s mother then abandoned Hannah to pursue and win back her husband. The pain of this abandonment stayed with Hannah throughout her lifetime, despite the loving care and stable home provided by her grandfather. Given this, Hannah wrestles with whether she can, or should, understand her mother’s actions and forgive her.

Carl Conrad was Owen’s first friend in Sausalito, but is also a philandering husband whose affair with a coworker is a poorly kept secret. Hannah is uncomfortable with Carl because she knows about his affair. Hannah also resents the smug way Carl’s wife, who is unaware of the affair, judges her and others. However, she understands that Owen is loyal to Carl despite Carl’s shameful ways. Carl, like Owen and Hannah’s mother, presents yet another challenge to Hannah by forcing her to recognize that people can be inherently good, but do dubious—if not downright bad—things.

Jake Anderson is Hannah’s former fiancé: an egotistic, ambitious, conceited archetype of the Wall Street lawyer. Yet for two years, Hannah loved Jake and wanted to marry him. When Hannah needs a lawyer it is Jake she calls and Jake who readily agrees to help her. Thus, Jake also represents the challenge to accept both the positive and negative characteristics of someone once loved.

Nicholas Bell, Owen’s former father-in-law, was once known as The Good Lawyer for his efforts on behalf of his clients. At some point, Bell became entangled with drug traffickers, and spent 30 years defending members of the crime syndicate for whom the traffickers worked. Hannah is prepared to see Bell as a monster, but when she finally meets him, she witnesses a tender fragility in Bell who obviously loves his family. Bell presents the ultimate test for Hannah, because it was Bell’s actions that put in motion Owen’s actions and the lies with which Owen lived. If she is going to protect Bailey, however, Hannah has to reconcile Bell’s actions with his loving affection.

Ultimately, Hannah realizes that loving someone means accepting both the good and the bad in them. Hannah explains:

In one way or another, this is the deal we all sign when we love someone. For better or worse. It’s the deal we have to sign again and again to keep that love. We don’t turn away from the parts of someone we don’t want to see. However quickly or long it takes to see them. We accept them if we are strong enough. Or we accept them enough to not let the bad parts become the entire story (276).

Even the Best Intentions Can Lead to Pain

After Owen disappears, leaving only two cryptic notes and a duffle bag of money behind, Hannah sets off on a journey to unravel the mystery of what prompted him to flee. What could possibly motivate Owen to do something that would cause Hannah and Bailey so much pain?

As the hours after Owen vanishes tick by, evidence mounts suggesting Owen is running to save himself. The company where he is a senior executive is raided, and Hannah discovers Owen knew about the company’s fraudulent financial practices for a year and also knew a raid was imminent. It certainly appears Owen’s disappearance was a purely selfish act. Hannah, however, holds fast to the idea that her husband’s motivations were purer than simply avoiding consequences of his actions (or inactions). Nevertheless, even if Owen’s disappearance arose from fatherly love, it caused Hannah and Bailey tremendous pain.

Hannah thinks back to her mother’s departure from the family, which resulted from her mother’s need to pursue her philandering husband and restore their relationship. Hannah recognizes the parallel between their situations:

I can tell myself that I’m sure of Owen’s intentions—that, wherever he is, he’s there because he is trying to protect Bailey. But I’m left sitting here, without him, anyway. Doesn’t that make me as ridiculous as my mother is? Doesn’t it make me the same as her? (45).

Hannah also remembers the victim narrative her former fiancé Jake Anderson created after Hannah broke their engagement, saying that Hannah was too damaged by childhood trauma to be in a relationship. But Hannah knows her motive for leaving Jake was well-intentioned: She wanted to spare them both the

pain of a bad marriage. Her actions, however, hurt and embarrassed Jake.

As Hannah discovers the truth about Owen’s past, she realizes Owen caused tremendous pain to his first wife Kate’s family when he turned state’s witness against Kate’s father, Nicholas Bell, and took off with Bailey. Yet despite the pain he caused them, she firmly believes Owen’s intentions were pure: He wanted to save Bailey and keep her safe.

Ultimately, Hannah recognizes that even actions done with the best intentions can cause pain to others. She comes to a more compassionate understanding of her mother as she wrestles to maintain her beliefs about Owen’s motivations, which ultimately are vindicated, but which nevertheless cause both Bailey and Hannah enormous grief. She also allows herself to appreciate Jake’s help, and learns to see Nicholas Bell as something other than a monster, which clears the way for the deal she brokers for Bailey’s safety.

We Always Have a Choice...Until We Don’t

When Owen disappears, Hannah holds fast to her truth that he would never have left Bailey if there had been any alternative. Yet repeatedly, Hannah is reminded by others that people always have a choice, in every situation. The idea of choice, and whether or not it truly exists in all situations, is woven throughout the text.

There are several dozen mentions of choice in the novel but of these, a few are particularly notable for what they say about Hannah’s belief that sometimes, circumstances allow a person to think of, believe in, or perceive, only one way out. The first notable incident comes when Hannah is thinking about her own mother and how both she and Bailey have been impacted by the loss of their mothers. Hannah says, “My mother left by choice, Bailey’s by tragedy, but it leaves a similar imprint on you either way” (18). Clearly Hannah believes her mother had options and chose the path that was right for her, even though it wounded Hannah.

When US Marshal Grady Bradford visits Hannah and asks her to answer some questions, she responds by asking whether she has a choice. Bradford’s response is, “You always have a choice” (50). This is a line Bradford repeats in reference to Owen and to Hannah’s decision about how to move forward, and it allows Hannah to see she does have the ability to select the future she thinks is best for Bailey.

As Hannah and Bailey try to track down the wedding couple in Austin, the parish administrator asks Hannah what kind of father would abandon his wife and child, and Hannah retorts, “Someone without a choice [...] That’s who. That’s who does this to his family.” The parish administrator replies, “We always have a choice” (128). This statement, being said in a church, suggests there is a morality dictating which choices are right and wrong. Hannah rejects this idea as overly judgmental and narrow and remains committed to the belief that Owen left because he felt there was no alternative.

When Hannah visits Nicholas Bell and Bell explains his past work for a crime syndicate, Bell says, “Not that I’m saying that I didn’t have a choice in working for them. I believe you always have a choice” (270). Hannah understands that just as Bell had a choice about his work, Owen had a choice about assisting that work and turning state’s evidence; this is what permits Bell to blame Owen and refuse to guarantee his protection. Both men made choices that caused others pain, albeit inadvertently.

Finally, as Hannah makes the difficult decision to return to Sausalito and resume her life with Bailey but without Owen, she tells herself, “I may as well take a shot at doing the best thing for Bailey. And, by doing it this way, Bailey gets to stay Bailey. No one gave her that choice before” (287). Bailey was a child without her own agency when Owen chose to flee with her. Although she is older now and has a voice, she still has limited agency which means Hannah must step in to guide her decisions and help Bailey choose the path forward.

Ultimately, Hannah understands choice is a nuanced matter, dependent on circumstances, desires, cognitive abilities, and priorities. Perhaps people do always have a choice, she resolves, but whether they can see that choice is entirely another matter.