The Language of Baklava

“Then he gazes fondly at the frying liver as if it is singing sweetly back to him. But I don’t understand this yet. I was born into this snowy Syracuse world. I have no inkling of what other worlds are like.”

The portrait of Diana’s father continues. Bud sings of the one he loves while he is cooking, but he cannot explain to Diana whom exactly he misses. She is still too young to understand what he feels, as she has not been to Jordan yet.

“‘Diana’—she fans the air—‘is an angel from heaven.’

I have the uncanny sense of having left the room. Mom examines her with one eye a little tight, as if to say Are we talking about the same person? But Bud nods approvingly. ‘Oh ho ho ho,’ he says, and heaps Sister John’s plate with slices of garlicky dripping eggplant.”

Sister John has discovered that Diana’s father is from “the Holy Land” and is enraptured first by this news and then by his cooking. Invited over for dinner, she and Bud bond over the idea of Jordan and all that it contains. Diana is perplexed to suddenly become the nun’s “best friend,” having previously been just another wayward nuisance. This is one of many comedic scenes in the memoir.

“My mother’s quiet presence is subtle yet familiar to me as a texture of air, like the fullness that lifts a room when the windows open after a long winter.”

Diana describes her mother in terms very different from her father, using similes and metaphors that portray her steady, calming presence in family life and that suggest The Power of Women. Here, Bud has gone to Jordan while the young Diana and her mother remain in America, waiting for the news that will uproot their existence.

“For the next week or two, Bennett is my best friend. I forget all about my previous life.”

In Amman, Diana meets Bennett, the child of English diplomats. Having made friends with Hisham and other local Jordanian children easily, she drops them for the allure of this blond boy who has eyes the same color as her mother’s, as well as a bright red scooter. The boy’s racism and snobbery about “natives” eventually grate on Diana, and she returns to the local group having learned a valuable lesson about prejudice, loyalty, and the value of friendship.

“One of the restaurants on the shore has a string of red lights that drop their reflection in the moonlit water like maraschino cherries.”

Diana describes the lights at a restaurant on the shores of the Dead Sea. Using a food metaphor to portray the color of the lights indicates the importance of food in Diana and her family’s life.

“‘Alhumdullilah,’ I echo like an old Bedouin or an old Circassian. It is exactly the thing to say at a time like this, like letting out a breath.”

Diana and her sisters are rescued by Hamouda, the elderly Circassian helper in their home in Amman, when they wander into the city unsupervised to look for ice cream. Diana depicts her growing ability to use Arabic, which illustrates her shifting relationship to her heritage. When she instinctively utters the perfect phrase for the situation (roughly, “Thank God”), she realizes she is “becoming” Jordanian and losing her Americanness—a confusing experience.

“If I had stayed by Munira’s fire for one more minute, I may never have left at all’.

After the huge Bedouin feast at Bud’s tribal home in the Jordanian desert, Diana dozes in the arms of Munira, the Bedouin housekeeper. The woman has explained that the Bedouin know everything and has asked Diana to stay with her forever. The young girl, mesmerized by the warmth, fire, food, and romance of the experience, feels the pull of her ancestral home, further complicating her understanding of The People, Places, and Feelings that Constitute Home.

“This is American food, I tell myself. I don’t like it, I think, because I’ve somehow forgotten it. I must remember.”

Back in the US, Diana has made some “real American” friends among the neighbors. Her friend’s mother serves eggnog along with instant chocolate pudding in single-serving aluminum tubs. Diana is fascinated by the texture but hates the taste of this processed, packaged food. The description contrasts with the way Diana describes Jordanian dishes, but she feels a sense of disloyalty at having forgotten the food (and thus her American life). She feels pressure to become American again—a feeling that will pervade her life.

“The woman’s kerchief white hand flutters up to her throat. There’s a pause, and Bud bends back a little and asks me quietly, ‘Haddol nawal?’ (‘Are they gypsies?’) They look marooned and stateless, standing there mute in the street.”

This image contains an important juxtaposition: The immigrant family, who have just moved into the neighborhood and are barbecuing in the front yard in public view, provoke the disapproval of the “mild, normal” American neighbors, whom Bud perceives as “gypsies.” The episode highlights the gap between the two cultures, as each group perceives the other as behaving completely inappropriately (though he likely does not intend it as an outright slur, Bud’s comparison of the neighbors to Roma people is not a compliment). However, the story will end in Diana’s rejection by her American school bus mates, as well as her subsequent shame and suffering at the idea that she does not fit in back in the US.

“‘Egg foo yong too plain! Chinese opera lovers need real Chinese food!’ He has taken the liberty of switching the egg foo yong for crispy shrimp with almonds and adding a plate of shredded beef in hoisin sauce.

I swell up, proud of my sophisticated tastes, and glance over at the other tables, hoping that some ignoramus has ordered egg foo yong.”

Diana and her German grandmother, Gram, go out for “Oriental Food” after watching the Italian opera Madama Butterfly, which is set in Japan. The scene unfolds into comedic misunderstanding, as Gram impresses the waiter with her love of “Chinese” opera. Diana squirms with embarrassment but is overcome with pride and excitement at the idea of eating “exotic” foods. Her appreciation for foreign tastes and experiences is already developing.

“This comment is bothersome and nasty, like a hairy sweater. Auntie Rachel barely seems to hear it though; her mind is on higher things. She is wonderful to discuss life and literature with. She tells me that Samuel Beckett was a gangster and Joyce a pervert and that no one can really enjoy Henry James until they’re forty-five.”

Rachel, a writer, is one of the many strong and influential women in Diana’s life. At the age of 11, Diana is in awe of her literary mind and her cooking, both of which she will emulate as she gets older. Discussions with her aunt contrast with the petty bickering of her other relatives.

“He cares far too much about everything; he believes in huge, impossible things like fairness, honor, and respect. It will take him years and years to learn how to laugh at himself.”

Bud’s character is the most detailed and complete in the memoir, indicating his importance to Diana. She holds him in great esteem but is able to comment on his many flaws. This example illustrates the ambivalent relationship she has with him while growing up.

“If Mom harbors any secret mutinies in her heart, I don’t know about them. My father’s longing for Jordan is at the center of his identity, which places it at the center of their marriage.”

Diana and her family are about to move to Jordan for a second time. This citation encapsulates the relationship and characters of Diana’s parents: Her mother is silent, stoic, and devoted in the face of her father’s impulsive and passionate actions.

“‘Now dinner is late!’ He demands, ‘What do you have to say?’

‘Whatever you want me to say,’ I mutter, infuriated and worn out, and walk past him, back toward the house, knowing there is no way out except through this door that is my father.”

Diana and her father embark on their “Big War” as Diana rebels against his traditional ideas about how girls should behave. After her aborted attempt to run away, Diana returns home to her father’s wrath. His anger is more about dinner being late than anything else: Food is always at the center of family life and is the glue that holds it together.

“Baklava is her specialty. The layers turn flaky and buttery in the oven, but the real glory of this pastry as interpreted by my aunt is its central core of sweet, mild pistachios that roasts and develops during baking. The whole pastry is then sweetened and perfumed like a baby with an attar dashed with sprinklings of orange blossom and rosewater. When I inhale Auntie Aya’s baklava, I press my hand to my sternum, as if I am smelling something too dear for this world. The scent contains the mysteries of time, loss, and grief, as well as promises of journeys and rebirth. I pick up a piece and taste it. I eat and eat. The baklava is so good, it gives me a new way of tasting Arabic food. It is like a poem about the deeply bred luxuries of Eastern cultures.”

In this eponymous chapter, Diana relates the power of Aunt Aya and her baklava. The description of her baklava contains metaphors, similes, emotions, evocations, and abstractions that impress upon the reader the wonder of this sweet.

“I think he must be sensitive and therefore, completely different from Bud.”

Diana’s rebellious acts include bringing a group of friends home for a poetry reading picnic. She imagines falling for one of the boys, Jay Franklin, mainly as she thinks he is the opposite of Bud. In a comedic twist, however, Bud and Jay end up bonding over Arabic food, leaving Diana in the lurch.

“Bud is glad to visit the past with me, and sometimes it feels like we are both there in the old place. Our conversations are journeys. We lose ourselves in former lives. I half wonder if Jordan would exist if Bud weren’t here.”

Reconciled with Bud through living at a distance at college, Diana reminisces with her father about their life in Jordan and their happier, harmonious times when she was younger. The centrality of Jordan to Bud’s existence is highlighted once again.

“Tonight, this is the purest food in the world. Mother’s milk. It is the sort of food that can’t be replaced by anything else.”

Diana has reconciled herself with her family home and can once again eat her father’s food. This time it is labneh: pure, thick, drained yogurt that represents the comforts of home, mother, and father.

“Each event is one piece in the path of claiming myself.”

Diana becomes a published writer and finally earns Bud’s approval. He proves this by proudly telling the audience at a reading that she is his daughter and then inviting them to his house for dinner. Diana is on the path to true independence, breaking away from her father yet acknowledging his importance in her life.

“My family is full of snappy dressers, big dreamers, holy fools, drug addicts, riot starters, layabouts, poets, con men, gurus, murderers, gamblers, diplomats, tyrants, professors, vicious gossips, magicians, toughs, snobs, petty thieves, big crooks, rich guys, mesmerists, gigolos, and fancy idiots.”

Returning to Jordan as an adult, Diana lists the many characters in her extended Jordanian family. The list is rich and diverse, containing the best and worst of society. She goes on to provide a selection of stories about various characters, told with a mixture of affection and derision.

“Our alternative lives emerge in bas-relief: a life in which Mai falls in love with Fattoush; in which Bud owns and runs Kan Zaman; in which I live contentedly in Jordan and understand exactly where in the world I belong.”

After spending a long time in Jordan, Diana feels close to the country and her people. Bud’s dream of owning a restaurant is still not satisfied, and she is still restless and unsettled, but tonight she is happy imagining that life holds many possibilities.

“Well, I cured him. I cured him of the family.”

Auntie Aya has wielded her typical power and dissuaded Bud from makig a deal with his traitorous brother. These short utterances reveal the importance of family in Arab culture and the huge shift in mindset that Bud will undergo, giving up on Jordan and returning to settle once and for all in America. “The family” is at once indispensable and threatening for Bud, much as it was for Diana in her teenage years.

“I cook all the dishes that I ate in Jordan, the simple Bedouin flavors—meat, oil, and fire; like Bud, I am trying to live in the taste of things.”

Alone in America after leaving Jordan, Diana is unsettled and lost. She recreates the tastes of Jordan in an attempt to root herself there again. This quote shows the importance and power of food to evoke memories, security, and a sense of home. It also shows how Diana recognizes the traits she shares with her father, despite having needed to separate from him. She is her father’s daughter.