The Kid Who Ran for President

“‘Sixth grade!’ she marveled. ‘The perfect grade! When you’re in sixth grade, you know every thing in the world there is to know. In fourth grade, you know nothin’. In fifth grade, you know nothin’. And then suddenly you hit sixth grade and you know it all. Nobody can tell you nothin’. Then a funny thing happens when you get older and become a grown-up.’

‘What’s that, Mrs. Syers?’

‘You don’t know nothin’ again,’ she said, breaking out in her cackling laugh. ‘Strangest thing.’”

This conversation between June and Judson calls to the confidence of youth. June pinpoints sixth grade and age 12 as the age of knowledge, implying that this is the time in life when it seems like one knows everything. After this age, people supposedly know nothing again, suggesting a few things. It may be, as June hints, that the confidence of sixth grade makes it seem like one knows all there is to know. Gutman may also be commenting on the education system, pointing out that the basics of knowledge (math, language, etc.) are learned in sixth grade.

“‘I liked the way you handled that creep Arthur Krantz in the lunchroom,’ Lane said. ‘I was afraid he was going to walk all over you. But you refused to give him a straight answer and made him look like a jerk.’

‘I thought that only showed how stupid I am.’

‘No, it hides how stupid you are,’ Lane said. ‘It’s more important for you to look as if you know what you’re talking about than it is for you to know what you’re talking about. In a serious discussion of the issues, you’re a dead man.’”

Here, Gutman satires how candidates present themselves through this conversation between Lane and Judson. Rather than appearing knowledgeable, Gutman mocks how the most important element of a candidate’s campaign is making the opposition look bad. It also hints that doing so allows candidates to hide their own ignorance by highlighting the ignorance of others. Lane considers this a useful strategy, showing how the practice is common enough that the public understands it.

“‘I want to ask you a serious question, Mrs. Syers.’

‘A boy your age shouldn’t even have any serious questions yet.’”

This exchange between June and Judson comes right before Judson asks June to be his running mate. The lines show more of June’s signature wisdom and understanding. They also contradict her earlier statement about how sixth grade is when people know everything. If one knows everything, it stands to reason they would also have important questions. While June acknowledges the unique intelligence of age 12, she also understands that kids are still kids and should have a chance to be young and carefree.

“Don’t you know that bein’ president is just about the worst job in the world? Everybody hates you no matter what you do. You can’t go anywhere. They watch your every move. You say one wrong word or do one wrong thing and everybody jumps all over you. Then in four years they kick you out on your behind.”

This passage from June’s dialogue summarizes the presidency from an outsider’s perspective. While the job looks impressive and important, it is really just a balancing act of making decisions that don’t offend most people and keeping one’s public image clean enough to satisfy the bulk of the population. Though the president is under tremendous stress, the job is a thankless one under constant ridicule. The president, like the voters, is a person, and people must do the best they can with what they have to work with.

“‘Ain’t never been a lady vice president.’

‘There’s never been a twelve-year-old president, either,’ I pointed out. ‘Everything that’s ever been done had to be done by somebody first, didn’t it?’”

This conversation between June and Judson comes while June debates whether to be Judson’s running mate. Here, June argues there’s never been a female vice president, and Judson’s rebuttal shows the wisdom of age 12. Judson doesn’t let the fact that something’s never been done before stop him because he understands that everything has to be done once before it can be done again. Though Judson is mostly a joker, this passage shows his serious side. He breaks concepts down into simple ideas rather than making them more complicated as Lane might.

“Lane ticked off all the things that cost money in an election campaign — commercial time on TV and radio, airfare, office space, staff, telephone bills, printing. Plus bumper stickers, T-shirts, balloons, banners. I guess that’s why you don’t see poor people running for president.”

Lane makes these observations during the first campaign meeting. Again, this passage shows how Judson breaks down ideas into their simplest forms—being president costs money, which is why only rich people run for president. These lines also show a flaw in the system. While the presidential race should be about who is best equipped to run the country, it ends up being a show of both media presence and wealth. Money allows anyone to position themselves where the people will see. Conversely, not having money creates a barrier to such exposure, making it more difficult for the middle and lower class to consider running for office.

“‘I’m not selling anything.’

‘Kid, everybody’s selling something. You might as well learn that while you’re young.’ […] ‘And when Judson Moon wins the election in November, you’re going to feel pretty dumb for not breaking the story when you had the chance. Because, Mr. Guerra, as you and I both know, everybody’s selling something. What you’re selling is your reputation as a journalist. And the story of a kid running for president of the United States will be the biggest story of your career.’”

These lines come from Lane’s phone conversation with Guerra. First, they show how versatile Lane is. He adapts to the conversation, switching from selling nothing to selling a story and Guerra’s reputation. The scene also highlights the differences between Lane and Judson. While Judson comes across as the “every kid,” Lane is shrewder and more calculating. Judson relies on his natural charm to see him through while Lane plays the system to get what he wants. Lane acts more like a presidential candidate, which is ironic.

“‘Twenty million dollars?’ whistled Mrs. Syers. ‘I’m gonna need more lemons.’

‘It’s just a symbol,’ Lane explained, blowing up balloons to hang on the booth. ‘Grown-ups get all misty-eyed when they see lemonade stands. It reminds ’em of the good old days.’

‘There were no good old days,’ harrumphed Mrs. Syers. ‘The good old days is anything that happens before you’re old enough to see the world as it really is.’”

This exchange between June and Lane shows the difference between kids and adults. Lane believes lemonade stands are a relic of the past that will fondly bring adults back to a simpler time. Ultimately, this is the result, showing the impact of imagery and an experience on emotions and decisions. June’s observation about “the good old days” calls to the idea that there is no mystical time from the past where everything was perfect. She hints that sixth-grade wisdom is influenced by seeing the world through a child’s perfection. Her observation also breaks down the adult idea that resetting the clock will fix everything. Undoing change to go back to how things were won’t fix anything.

“‘We’re a perfect team,’ Moon says. ‘I’m young and she’s old. I’m white and she’s black. I’m dumb and she’s smart.’”

This line appears in one of the news articles written about Judson’s campaign. Here, Judson explains why he chose June as his running mate, which satirizes presidential and vice-presidential pairings. Judson points out how he and June are opposites in many ways. In real-life presidential races, wisdom suggests that choosing a vice presidential candidate who’s fundamentally different increases the likelihood of winning the election because people might vote for a vice president they like, even if they don’t like the presidential candidate. While Judson’s logic is simple, his approach is sound.

“The applause was deafening. I’ve heard applause before, of course. But never for me. When the applause is for you, it somehow sounds different. You hear the hands clapping with your ears, but it just washes over you. You can’t tell how loud it is or how long it goes on. You go into a sort of trance state.”

Here, Judson stands before his classmates before making a speech about his upcoming presidential campaign. Gutman uses Judson’s trance-like reaction to show his nerves at delivering a speech. Though Judson is inexperienced at giving speeches, his nervousness represents how even the most practiced people still get nervous. Judson’s observations about applause show how the same event affects people differently. When applause is for someone else, it’s just applause. When it’s directed at us, we process it differently.

“By ten o’clock, reporters started gathering out on the front lawn, setting up cameras and satellite hookups. Some guy was trying to interview me with a bullhorn. I pulled the shades down. It was like Night of the Living Dead, when the zombies are trying to claw their way into the house.”

This passage comes in the wake of Judson’s national announcement of presidential candidacy. Gutman references the 1968 horror film Night of the Living Dead, which features seven people trapped in a farmhouse while a horde of cannibalistic ghouls descends on the building. This comparison suggests two things about Judson and the press. First, Judson feels trapped by the media attention. Second, Gutman satirically compares the press to a horde of hungry creatures who will do anything to get their next meal (story).

“Deep in the pile was a card that said I had a package waiting for me at the post office, and that I should come get it right away. I went over there to pick it up and the package was a dog — a little cocker spaniel I named Chester. I always wanted a dog, so at least something came out of running for president.”

Here, Judson receives the dog that Lane later uses as part of Judson’s pre-election speech. The dog represents a few ideas. First, support comes in many forms, including bribes. The sender likely didn’t know Judson wanted a dog, but they guessed that kids like dogs and that a dog might give them a direct link to Judson. Second, Judson noting that something came from his campaign shows that he doesn’t know why he’s running or what he wants from the presidential race. The dog means more to him than winning.

“Why is a 35-year-old man—or woman—qualified to be president but a 34-year-old is not? Perhaps the best person to run the country is 30 years old, or even 20 years old.

Who knows? Maybe the best person to lead us is 12 years old. Probably not. But shouldn’t that young person have the right to try?

The right to run for office should not be withheld due to sex, race, or age. Judson Moon should have the right to run for president if he wants to.”

These lines come from the article in “Let the Kid Run!” The article’s author argues against age discrimination in running for public office. In particular, they call out the idea that one must be 35 years old to run for president, citing that little separates a 35-year-old from a 34-year-old. While age is often equated with experience, this is not necessarily the case. A younger person could have seen more hardships and experiences than an older person, and those experiences could make that younger person more qualified for office than their older counterpart.

“President White was an okay president, I guess. He hadn’t gotten America into any wars, or at least any world wars, during his four years in office.

A lot of people don’t like him, though. Before he was elected, he had promised he was going to lower taxes, balance the budget, and solve all of America’s problems. But three years into his presidency, we seemed to have all the same problems and a few new ones, too.

The Democrats seemed to be against everything President White did simply because he was a Republican. Republicans were always criticizing him because they said he wasn’t Republican enough, whatever that meant.

Sometimes I think people didn’t like President White simply because he was the president and they weren’t.”

Several ideas are explored in these lines discussing the current president in The Kid Who Ran for President, and this passage acts as a commentary on the American political system, president in particular. First, candidates make promises during the presidential race that they don’t keep once in office. This may be because they never intended to keep those promises, but it may also be because a candidate doesn’t fully know the extent of the president’s resources until elected—meaning they may be forced to change plans once they are elected. Second, Gutman comments on the American political party system. Rather than collaborate toward a better America, Democrats and Republicans argue about who’s right and wrong, both with one another and among themselves. The result is several pockets of individuals who agree but none willing to work together. Third, Judson observes that people don’t like President White because he’s president instead of them. People tend to think they could do better than whoever’s in charge, but it is likely that if these people suddenly were in charge, they would do little differently because they would face the same problems the current president does.

“To make things worse for the president, in January during a ceremony on the White House lawn, his dog went to the bathroom on the ambassador from New Zealand. It was pretty hilarious, and the video of it got something like ten million views on YouTube.

Some commentators said the president can’t be expected to manage the country when he can’t even manage his own dog.”

These lines also comment on President White and the American political system. First, the president’s dog relieving itself on an ambassador garners more attention than the contents of the event where it happened, showing how Americans don’t really care about what’s happening within their leadership. They pay more attention to the president’s dog but are then not afraid to criticize the policies once they are in place. Second, the comment the media makes about the president being unable to control his dog is meant to stir up discontent. In reality, a dog is an animal, and controlling when it relieves itself has nothing to do with running a country. The two things are unrelated, but those who oppose President White make them seem related to take away the president’s support.

“Just for the fun of it, I typed this …

JSUN: Put an "R" in the middle of Moon and you’ll know what he is.

In seconds, the screen was filled with people flaming me, telling me to get off the site, threatening me, and typing all kinds of vile things. Not a single person online had a negative word to say about Judson Moon.”

This passage comes from the chapter where Judson discovers the internet is aiding his campaign. “JSUN” is a handle Judson developed to hide his identity so he could get an honest idea of what people thought. While effective, this tactic is dishonest and likely would have tarnished Judson’s reputation if discovered. The immediate and overwhelming response to Judson’s criticism shows how people refuse to entertain opinions that don’t match their own. Rather than engage in a discussion about Judson’s good qualities, the site users insult and threaten a viewpoint they disagree with. Judson’s comment shows how a single inflammatory remark can quickly turn into a war.

“‘You can’t take both sides on every issue, Moon!’

‘Why not?’ I complained. ‘I can see both sides of every issue.’

‘You look wishy-washy,’ Lane said. ‘The public wants its leaders to have strong opinions.’

‘But what if both sides of an issue have a good argument?’

‘Then you follow the opinions on the computer,’ he said, gesturing toward the numbers on the screen. ‘Those are the opinions the public wants you to take. People vote for politicians to represent them. So doesn’t it make sense that the politician’s opinion should be the same as the public’s opinion?’

‘That feels backward to me,’ I said. ‘I think the president should form an opinion first and inspire the public to agree with that opinion.’”

This conversation between Lane and Judson comes before the debate. Judson’s and Lane’s differing opinions highlight the problem with opinion polls. Lane relies on the polls as a way for Judson to appease the people, giving the majority what they want to garner the most votes. By contrast, Judson believes he should listen to both sides and work toward a solution that works for everyone. While Judson’s approach makes sense, Lane shuts it down because it looks weak. Here, Gutman satirizes how Americans make opinions of leaders. They want the president to take a side but then get mad when the president doesn’t consider all angles.

“Lane called a limo to take us to McCormick Place, a convention center where the debate was to be held. Security was tight. There were police and Secret Service agents everywhere, talking into their sleeves, constantly scanning the crowd for potential troublemakers.

The thought crossed my mind that it would be cooler to be a Secret Service agent than to be the president.”

Here, Judson and Lane arrive at the convention center for the debate. Judson is nervous about the debate and the overwhelming amount of people. The Secret Service agents are appealing because they work in the background, and Judson’s admiration of them reminds the reader that he’s a 12-year-old kid. Security with cool technology looks like a better option than the face of a country that’s constantly judging.

“As soon as I finished giving that answer, a sense of calm came over my body. I stopped sweating. I wasn’t nervous anymore. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I was back in the school cafeteria, goofing on Arthur Krantz and his jerky friends.”

These lines from Judson’s thoughts come after he gives his first nonsense answer during the debate. He plays the crowd for laughs, something that’s familiar to him, and as a result, his stress levels drop. Judson is comfortable as a joker and resorts to that comfort during a time of fear. This passage also reminds the reader of Judson’s age. Judson answered Arthur’s questions earlier with the same nonsense, which made his friends laugh. The amused responses of his friends then and the adults now show that there is a bit of 12-year-old kid in everyone.

“President White and Senator Dunn were reduced to dumb-founded onlookers as Moon deftly and hilariously controlled the proceedings with snappy retorts and off-the-wall opinions that threw his opponents off their stride.

‘Moon knew exactly what he was doing,’ said political analyst Morton Fishwick. ‘He knew he couldn’t beat his opponents by debating the issues, so he made the issues go away. I’ve got to hand it to him. It was brilliant strategy on the kid’s part.’”

This passage comes from the news article that runs the day after the debate. While Judson answered the questions nonsensically in an attempt to throw the debate, the public took the opposite opinion—believing Judson was trying to entertain them. The analyst’s observation shows how the same action can be viewed differently. Judson intended to make the issues disappear, but the outcome differed from what he planned.

“‘Breaking into a kid’s locker is a great story?’ I asked. ‘Changing my parakeet’s name is a great story?’

‘If you’re the presidential front-runner those are terrific stories!’ Pete exclaimed. ‘Like I said, Moon. America chews up celebrities and spits ’em out. And America is about to clear its throat with you.’”

This conversation between Judson and Guerra comes after Guerra runs the article about Judson’s past misdeeds—breaking into Arthur’s locker and the other offenses. Guerra’s enthusiasm for the story shows that what constitutes news during a presidential campaign isn’t news at all. Gutman mocks the real-life press and how they will cover any story with the remotest connection to a candidate to increase their own ratings. At any other time and for any other person, these stories would likely be laughed out of the newsroom.

“My school is the place where grown-ups in the neighborhood go to vote. Every Election Day, the gym is emptied out and filled with those big voting machines. I always thought of Election Day as a drag, because we wouldn’t get to have gym that day.

It was pretty weird seeing all those grown-ups lining up to vote, and thinking that some of them would be voting for me. It was the first time I really understood or appreciated that this is how we make important decisions in this country.”

Here, Judson realizes the importance of Election Day for the first time. Up until this election, the election was an inconvenience because it meant he missed gym. Judson’s change of heart here shows his character growth. Being involved in the presidential run gives him a new respect for democracy and the will of the people. This is another example of how every person’s unique situation informs their opinion.

“The states with higher populations have more representatives, and more electoral votes. So states like New York, California, Texas, and Pennsylvania have more electoral votes than less populated states like Nevada, Alaska, and Rhode Island.

Lane explained that whichever candidate gets the most votes in a state wins all the electoral votes in that state. And whichever candidate gets 270 or more electoral votes wins the election.

It didn’t seem exactly fair to me. A candidate could become president if he just won a few of the big states, even though he lost all the smaller states.

Lane said it was even possible to win the election on electoral votes even if more people voted for the other candidate. In fact, that actually happened in 1824, 1876, 1888, and 2000.”

Here, Lane explains the Electoral College to Judson. Gutman frames this explanation as more information from Lane to explain the system to the reader without taking them out of the story. Gutman’s explanation exposes flaws in the system. While the Electoral College accurately represents the people’s votes in most situations, it doesn’t always, meaning that will of the people is not necessarily heard. Gutman’s explanation also exposes the unfair reality of more populated states having a greater pull on the election results. This ties into the theme of flaws not making something bad. The election process has flaws, but that doesn’t mean the voting process itself is bad.