The First State of Being

In this section of the book, Michael and Ridge begin to switch roles as Michael learns The Importance of Living in the Present while Ridge becomes increasingly anxious about the future. After he gets sick, Ridge must face the consequences of his actions. He worries about costing his mother her career, and in doing so, begins to slip into what he calls “the third state of being”—a state of preoccupation with the future. This is exacerbated when the STM fails and he must face the possibility of being stuck in 1999 forever. In contrast, Michael is slowly beginning to transition to the first state of being. He remains concerned about Y2K, but it is his turn to remind Ridge not to worry about future “what ifs” (158). This exchange is also mirrored by the Sabios in 2199: Dr. Sabio becomes increasingly concerned with “what ifs” regarding Ridge, slipping into the third state, while Ridge’s siblings remain solidly in the first state by working on a viable solution to bring Ridge home. In both examples, first state thinking is infinitely more useful and emotionally beneficial than third state thinking.

Michael’s growing ability to live in the present is challenged when Mr. Mosley dies. Michael blames himself for not checking in on him in favor of helping Ridge, and his complicated feelings here reveal The Relationship Between Guilt and Grief. This is Michael’s worst nightmare come true: a loved one suffers because he dropped the ball, and Michael didn’t plan for it. While realistically, Michael couldn’t have predicted Mr. Mosley’s heart attack, just as he couldn’t have predicted his mother getting fired, his grief for Mr. Mosely entangles with his guilt as he believes he failed Mr. Mosley. This guilt in turn calls his memory back to all his other perceived moral failings: “Guilt over the stolen cache under his bed. Guilt that he’d given Ridge his cold. And now? Guilt that he hadn’t been home yesterday or the day before to eat bologna sandwiches with Mr. Mosley” (176). Michael’s need to control the uncontrollable has turned his life into a litany of guilt. His guilt is further exacerbated when his mother decides to stay home from work. Michael tries to make her go, believing that she will lose another job because of him, and never stops to consider that she might want to stay home for herself as much as for him. In this way, Michael becomes consumed by his guilt in all its forms, including that of grief.

Mr. Mosley’s death also signals a transition for Michael, from the role of care receiver to that of caregiver, as the theme of The Mutual Nature of Caregiving continues to develop. Mr. Mosley, Michael’s role model and father figure, was one of his prime caretakers. With his passing and Ridge’s illness, Michael must step up, especially when Ridge becomes Michael’s full responsibility after catching Michael’s cold, being kicked out of Beejee’s apartment for protecting Michael, and being unable to return home. Michael, who thus far only imagines taking care of people by including them in his Y2K plans, is not ready. He is intimidated and bullied by Beejee and can’t bring himself to help Ridge find medicine for his illness despite its seriousness. In the end, he is still the one being taken care of: Ridge protects him from Beejee, and his mother tries to comfort him in his grief. Michael no longer directly resents this, but nor can he bring himself to accept his loved ones’ care.

In his grief, Michael also can’t accept the limits of knowledge. To him, the future has all the answers—about the earthquake, about Y2K, about time travel. Learning that the sumbook did not include Mr. Mosley’s death is frustrating: To Michael, it could have been so easily preventable with warning, but it is a double blow when Michael learns that Mr. Mosley was not important enough to be included in the sumbook. Ridge reminds him that ordinary people make history all the time even if their names are not recorded in history books, but Michael, fixated on the power of knowledge, is frustrated at its limitations.

Michael’s obsession with knowledge continues to fuel his fixation with the sumbook, though it is eclipsed by loss. Beejee’s theft of the sumbook quite literally removes it from Ridge’s (and by extension, Michael’s) possession, and Mr. Mosley’s death eclipses everything else. However, even in death, Mr. Mosley shows that his slow and steady preparation for the future is effective. The money jar he has steadily created for Michael, little by little, is proof not only of how well he takes care of Michael, but that by preparing a little at a time, with honest work and forethought, he has something to fall back on in emergencies, rather than grasping at a dream he has already been refused.

Though Michael has somewhat attempted this with his Y2K stash, it contrasts with Mr. Mosley’s money jar on several levels: the stash was not come by honestly, the food stolen even when Michael technically had money to pay for some of it. Michael also stole Beejee’s tools for his stash, effectively causing problems when he meant to solve them, and while Mr. Mosley’s money jar was also a secret, it was entirely for Michael’s benefit. Although the Y2K stash prioritized Ms. Rosario and included her as its beneficiary, its real purpose was to ease Michael’s anxiety. In this way, the flaws of Michael’s solutions and best-laid plans come to light, and he, like Ridge, must face the first state consequences.