The Evening and the Morning and the Night

“Non-DGDs say something about our disease makes us good at the sciences—genetics, molecular biology, biochemistry…That something was terror. Terror and a kind of driving hopelessness.”

Lynn provides a glimpse of the stereotypes she has to confront as a DGD. This is an instance of a rare positive stereotype of DGDs that we eventually learn does seem to have some basis in fact. This quote further elaborates that she and other DGDs work hard to cope with stereotypes and bias. Until Lynn meets Beatrice and discusses the patients at Dilg, comments by non-DGDs about the intensity of DGD interests feel like just another way to reduce the personalities of DGDs to something foreign and inhuman. Even well-intentioned comments by non-DGDs are likely rooted in bias because they likely do not have the information Beatrice has at Dilg.

“All we had in common was our disease, plus a weird combination of stubborn intensity about whatever we happened to be doing and hopeless cynicism about everything else. Healthy people have all the time in the world for stupid generalizations and short attention spans.”

In continuing to reflect on the stereotypes others harbor about DGDs, Lynn insists on their differences even as she notes there are some substantial similarities shared with her housemates. Moreover, she expresses her disdain and jealousy for those not afflicted with DGD.

“His name was Alan Chi. I thought Chi was a Chinese name, and I wondered. But he told me his father was Nigerian and that in Ibo the word meant a kind of guardian angel or personal God.”

Alan’s last name symbolically foreshadows the kind of relationship he might eventually have with Lynn and the comments Naomi makes about Lynn protecting him (59-60). As an uncontrolled DGD, he might have Lynn as a kind of guardian angel to protect him from himself and the world around him, allowing him to lead a productive life.

“I don’t want kids, but I don’t want someone else telling me I can’t have any.”

This moment of dialogue speaks directly to the theme of Self-Determination and Individual Responsibility. After Alan reveals that he supports sterilization for DGDs, Lynn counters as an individualist. While she might implicitly agree that the morally right thing to do for her is to not have children, she also does not feel that it is acceptable to force that decision on anyone. Lynn already faces a world that creates endless social restraints for DGDs, whether explicit or implicit. Lynn wants to retain the small amount of freedom she has.

“I went to one of my windows and stared out at the weeds. We let them thrive in the backyard. In the front we mowed them, along with a few patches of grass.”

Another instance of symbolism, this one speaks to Lynn’s state of mind. As a DGD who fears she is one day destined to be out of control, she feels that there is a façade that she presents to the rest of the world. She creates the illusion that everything is normal externally, but she does not bother to nurture any parts of herself that no one else has to deal with. Her cynicism and negativity about her condition remain, usually, within her own mind or expressed to other DGDs with similar personalities. However, these attributes significantly affect her mental health, and creating the illusion of normal is not enough.

“I focused on our reflections in the window glass—the two of us together. It looked right, felt right. He put his arm around me, and I leaned back against him. Our being together had been as good for me as it seemed to have been for him. It had given me something to on besides inertia and fear.”

This moment represents a significant development in Lynn’s narrative arc. Initially, Lynn feels that her involvement with Alan is to save him, but she quickly comes to recognize that the relationship had also helped her in ways she hadn’t understood. Whereas, before, she felt her motivation was from a sense of terror, she and Alan are now motivated by a desire to support one another.

“[Beatrice] waved a hand toward an abstract painting that looked like a photo I had once seen of the Orion Nebula. Darkness broken by a great cloud of light and color. ‘Here we can help them channel their energies. They can create something beautiful, useful, even something worthless. But they create. They don’t destroy.’”

Here, Beatrice gestures toward artwork produced by a symptomatic DGD. The artwork symbolically contrasts with the façade symbolism present in Lynn’s life. Instead of chaos undermining the orderly appearance of a front yard, there is now a more positive image of beautiful light challenging cosmic darkness.

“Those are a couple of things I saw at the DGD ward when I was fifteen. Even then I could have stood it better if I hadn’t felt I was looking into a kind of temporal mirror.”

While touring Dilg with Beatrice, Lynn reflects on her experience visiting a ward for DGDs as a teenager. She comes to the self-awareness that part of the personal trauma of the experience was the feeling that what she saw reflected her own inevitable future.

“‘They try so hard, fight so hard to get out.’

‘Out of what?’ Alan demanded.

I looked at him, hardly seeing him.

‘Lynn,’ he said gently. ‘Out of what.’

I shook my head. ‘Their restraints, their disease, the ward, their bodies…’”

In her reflection, Lynn experiences an epiphany about the state of mind of DGDs when they lose control: that they, in some sense, feel constrained in a way they cannot bear. This is an extreme, but similar, reflection of how Lynn has been living her life. She wants to retain as much control as she can, but many things are out of her control, and she feels trapped.

“Naomi was shaping the image of an old woman and two children. The gaunt, lined face of the old woman was remarkably vivid—detailed in a way that seemed impossible for a blind person.”

The sculpture Naomi is shaping when Lynn and Alan initially meet her is symbolically important. One interpretation might be that the old woman is Beatrice and the two children are Lynn and Alan. Regardless, the detail in the sculpture is remarkable to Lynn and Alan, and it becomes apparent that what they considered “drifting,” or even the end of their life, could actually be a creative extension of their former selves if nurtured in a setting like Dilg.

“‘You’ll marry my son?’ [Naomi] said finally.

‘Yes.’

‘Good. You’ll keep him safe.’

As much as possible, we’ll keep each other safe. ‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Good. No one will close him away from himself. No one will tie him or cage him.’”

Though Naomi is limited in her ability to communicate, she clearly indicates that she understands that Lynn is capable of caring for her son as a double DGD. She also alludes to her own traumatic experience being institutionalized before being rescued by Beatrice. As Lynn continues to experience Dilg, she forms a stronger connection to the facility and the role she might play in its future.

“‘Why haven’t you…drifted?’ I asked.

‘I don’t know. There’s not enough of our kind to know what’s normal for us.’

‘Drifting is normal for every DGD sooner or later.’

‘Later, then.’”

In this moment of dialogue between Lynn and Beatrice, Beatrice reveals to Lynn that her own future as a double DGD is uncertain. She may drift, or she may not. This represents a significant moment in Lynn’s narrative arc and a split with Alan because she recognizes that her future, at least as it relates to her condition as a DGD, is more open-ended than she had assumed.

“‘Alan, this works,’ I said. ‘It’s only a stopgap, I know. Genetic engineering will probably give us the final answers, but for God’s sake, this is something we can do now!’

‘It’s something you can do. Play queen bee in a retreat full of workers. I’ve never had any ambition to be a drone.’”

Alan and Lynn discuss the options that they have learned are available to them, reflecting a divergence in their perspectives and experiences. For Alan, that means he will be turned into a drone lacking free will. For Lynn, this means that it is something she has to do now, even though she doesn’t think it is the final answer, to improve the treatment of uncontrolled DGDs. By the end of the story, it is not clear if their relationship will recover from this rupture.

“They know they need help, but they retain minds of their own. If you want to see the abuse of power, go to a DGD ward.”

Beatrice insists, in contrast to Alan’s view that the DGDs at Dilg are drones, that they do, in fact, retain minds of their own. She contends that this is better than the fate DGDs endure at traditional wards, where there are few options for treatment. The contrasting perspectives between Alan and Beatrice inform the theme of Illness, Marginalization, and Institutionalization.

“‘You have a choice,’ I said. ‘I don’t. If she’s right…how could I not wind up running a retreat?’”

In speaking with Alan after Beatrice has revealed more details about the nature of their condition, Lynn says that she feels morally obligated to run a retreat even if she doesn’t really want to. This speaks to the theme of Self-Determination and Individual Responsibility. Lynn has spent her life feeling like she is running out of time and that things are entirely out of her control. With this visit to Dilg, she now has direction and purpose. This purpose is still muddied from Alan’s perspective.