The Distance Between Us

Following the incident with Carlos, Mago has lost all interest in trying to please her father. She hesitates before handing him money to help toward bills and considers dropping out of college to find a job: “And just like that, the father she had longed for in Mexico […] vanished in her eyes” (259). However, Reyna still needs his approval: “My father’s acceptance of my had become my sole reason for living” (259).

Determined to throw a proper quinceañera party for Reyna, Mago takes it upon herself to arrange and finance it. Her own party was a forgettable affair, a year too late, held in a parking lot. Her only condition for hosting Reyna’s party is that their father have nothing to do with it. Reyna insists that their father be involved. When Mago tells him her plans, he responds that she is crazy and offers no help. Mago enlists the help of friends and spends $350 for Reyna’s dress. Even Reyna’s mother chips in.

On the day of the event, Reyna feels guilty—she has not received her first communion, but Mago lies to the priest, telling him that her first communion happened in Mexico without any documentation. Her guilt deepens because she has lied to the priest. Reyna hesitates to go through with the ritual, believing that God will send her to Hell: “I was terrified of being without [Mago], of being on my own, of making my way in the world without her by my side” (262). After the ceremony, Reyna confesses her guilt to Mago, who tells her that her religious guilt is nonsense. Furthermore, Mago tells her that Hell does exist—they are there now. Reyna is relieved. Grande adds that “Mago was right. We were already living in hell in this strange place of broken beauty” (262).

During the reception, Reyna is happy that both of her parents have come and gets a photo of the three of them together. When Reyna and her father begin the traditional dance, she turns away from his face. His breath reeks of alcohol after having drunk “beer after beer as if afraid it would run out” (263). She wishes that she could have danced, instead, with Mago, who has been both a mother figure and now father figure for her.

The Los Angeles Unified School District chooses Reyna to join the All-City Marching Band. As usual, this accomplishment doesn’t impress her father, despite the fact that the band will be marching in the 1992 Rose Parade. She practices weekly in Dodger Stadium with Axle, another band member. During bus rides, they kiss, but Axle insists that their relationship remain secret. Additionally, Reyna, growing through adolescence, is unable to make friends, and her shyness is interpreted as arrogance. She lashes out at a senior drum major, frustrated by all the poor treatment she receives at home. She’s also confused by the attention from the boys, who seem to want to make out once and then leave: “When the kissing was over […] I was left feeling the same way I felt when my father would glance at me without really seeing me […] The more he denied me his love, the more I would seek it in the boys I would meet” (267).

Reyna overhears the news that Axle has made a date with a cheerleader for the prom. Mago consoles her and takes her in her new car to a night club. Mago has dropped out of college, drowning in debt despite a full-time job. She also bought Carlos a graduation ring and paid for his graduation party. Even more, she has continued to offer emotional support. At the night club, Reyna watches Mago have fun and imagines Axle at the school prom with the cheerleader: “One thing I knew for sure was this: He wasn’t feeling ashamed at being seen with her” (270).

After Carlos finishes his first year of college, Reyna’s father buys him a used car, claiming that finally one of his children will make him proud. Reyna hopes that one day her father will buy her a car: “I knew I would treasure it, the way I treasured anything positive he said to me during his rare sober moments” (272).

With a car, Carlos is now able to spend more time with his girlfriend and soon reports that he plans to marry—but he wants his father’s approval. Their father scoffs, explaining that marriage will mean dropping out of school and having to work to support a new family. Angered, he challenges all of them—Carlos, Mago, and Reyna—wondering why he even bothered to bring them to America if they only squander their opportunities. Reyna finds herself reluctantly agreeing: “My father was right. There were many people who would have died to have the chance that my siblings and I had of going to college” (273).

Finally, at the age of 20, Carlos marries, leaves college, and takes two jobs. Eighteen months later, he is divorced and a father with no college degree.

Reyna recognizes that her mother has neglected any opportunities for her other children, Betty and Leonardo. Although they are both American citizens, neither speaks English. Both, Grande says, would eventually drop out of high school due to their mother’s lazy approach to education.

Accompanied by Mago and her mother, plus Betty and Leonardo, Reyna returns to her hometown in Mexico to visit relatives. When they reach Grandmother Chinta’s house, Reyna notices that conditions have worsened. Trains don’t service Iguala, the station is abandoned, and children play in the rusted train cars: “Seeing those kids’ dusty bare feet, dirty hair, and torn clothing, I knew how my father had seen us those many years ago” (277-78). Reyna is further ashamed to see starving children when Betty and Leonardo are already becoming obese from eating junk food.

Reyna’s old friends treat her differently. Some are already married with children. Reyna again questions her own identity: “When you come from the U.S., people look at you differently. They treat you differently” (280). She notes as examples that the boys want to marry her so that she can take them to the other side, El Otro Lado. She greets an old friend, a 17-year-old mother wiping her baby’s face. Determined to show that she is still Mexican, Reyna speaks Spanish, only to be teased for sounding like a “pocha.” She writes that she is “no longer considered Mexican enough […] I was no longer one of them” (281).

Reyna is disappointed again when Mago is annoyed by the poverty and pointless nostalgia. Their argument leads to violence, and Reyna and Mago fight: “For the first time in my life, I had raised a hand to my sister […] Her home was now the United States. Unlike me, she had no accent when she spoke English […] Even in her speech, she was trying to erase Mexico completely” (282).