The Comfort Book

“If we keep going in a straight line, we’ll get out of here.”

When Haig and his father were lost in the woods, Haig’s father offered these words, which ultimately brought them to a main road that directed them home. These words shed light on what to do not only when geographically lost, but also when existentially lost. One must move forward and press on without overthinking. Merely by placing one foot in front of the other, a person will find their way out of despair; the anecdote provides figurative reason for Finding Comfort in Simplicity.

“The pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

This quote by Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius supports Haig’s argument that although people cannot control what happens to them, they can control the way they perceive it. Perspective—internal attitude toward external events—shapes much of human experience. By remembering this, people can try to choose perspectives that serve them rather than cause further pain. This adage also implies that as events fade into history, it is people’s thoughts and attitudes that have lingering power; the event itself only survives in the abstract realm, which is one people can alter, aestheticize, and do whatever they want with.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Haig includes this quotation, which Prince Hamlet says to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in Shakespeare’s play. Hamlet highlights the neutrality of situations against the background of the mind’s bias. The mind assigns labels to events and causes situations to appear worse than they are.

“Individual events mean nothing by themselves, but are part of a larger totality and can only be understood within the whole.”

Every event is a part of something bigger in the same way that every molecule of water is a part of a river—an image Haig frequently returns to. Moments of pain are small in comparison to the big picture, which includes both light and shadows. The moment of pain loses its power when situated within this mentality, contributing to the loveliness of the big picture by accentuating the light of joy and creating a balance.

“Your worth is your existence. You were born with worth, as all babies are, and that worth doesn’t disappear simply because you have grown a little older. You are a human, being.”

Haig argues that the only difference between a person’s current self and their baby self is that their current self has existed longer. Haig reminds readers that they are worthy simply by being human and of existing, highlighting the importance of both traits with the play on “human being.”

“It is easier to learn to be soaked and happy than to learn how to stop the rain.”

The Comfort Book argues that resistance to what is will only cause more suffering. Stopping the rain is impossible, as is preventing suffering entirely. Haig encourages readers to understand the things they cannot change and find peace in accepting them—in particular, by Embracing the Inevitability of Change.

“We are all inside a dream that is real. We are the fires conjured from nothing. We exist out of near impossibility. And yet we exist.”

Haig points out that any individual human existence is improbable, requiring each ancestor to not only survive but also meet a mate and reproduce. Furthermore, those ancestors’ genetic material had to combine in very specific ways to compose each person; there are infinite other possibilities that could have occurred. Existence is random and nearly impossible, and yet readers are here, which Haig describes as a kind of miracle.

“[A] key defining feature of the universe, of nature, of our environment, of us, is uncertainty.”

Just as the behavior of waves and particles is unpredictable, so are people’s behaviors, the things that happen, and the way minds react to events and circumstances. Just as nothing is permanent, nothing is certain or controllable.

“The universe is, essentially, an ever-evolving possibility.”

Although some may fear uncertainty and the inability to control external circumstances, Haig points out that it is in the light of uncertainty that the universe is an “ever-evolving possibility.” Without certainty or resolution, there is openness and a greater sense of freedom. Likewise, amid uncertainty, people are free to move on from their pain to explore the ever-evolving possibilities the future has in store.

“We are imperfect because we are alive.”

Haig reminds readers that they, like all other beings, are messy and imperfect. In the real world, even shapes are imperfect versions of those in the abstract realm. Humans have theories regarding ideal versions of everything, and yet those ideal versions do not exist in reality as people know it.

“We are all messy mammals on a messy planet and a messy cosmos. To deny mess is to deny who we are.”

Depression and anxiety can cause people to live isolated lives in which they assume there is something innately wrong with them. This thought process largely stems from a failure to recognize the universality of messiness. Although humans have a great deal in common, people tend to keep their unpleasant experiences and beliefs private, rendering their messiness invisible. Furthermore, messiness underlies all of nature and the universe: There is no structure or predictability, nor is there a known resolution. Existence itself is messy and disorganized, and humans are no different.

“[H]ow wonderful so much of life would instantly seem if it was made rare.”

Haig argues that people tend to take the beauty of nature for granted because it is so prevalent and easily available. If that beauty were rare, people might value it more.

“The universe is change. Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

This quotation by Marcus Aurelius underscores Haig’s point that change underlies everything in existence. Because life itself is ever-changing, individual lives are to some extent malleable. Insofar as people can exercise control over their thoughts, they can transform their lives into what they want them to be.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.”

This quotation by Epictetus again reminds readers that they have some degree of control over their thoughts, if not external events. For that reason, Epictetus suggests that people’s reactions to events matter more than the events themselves.

“When we tie our happiness to external things, we are essentially giving up the idea of self-control and placing our well-being on forces outside of ourselves.”

Haig argues that happiness should not be contingent upon external events because those events are beyond individual control. Haig instead proposes looking inward and basing one’s happiness on perspectives, attitudes, and responses to external events. For example, a person can find happiness in the meaningful lessons they gain from the experience, and they can move forward to experience happier moments based on how they choose to react.

“We are never the clouds; we are just the sky. We just contain them.”

Haig’s metaphor reminds the reader that they are not the thing that happened, but rather the person the thing happened to. Although a person contains the occurrence’s associated thoughts and emotions, the person themself is vast and multitudinous. This quotation urges readers to acknowledge that the story of their existence contains much more than their worst experiences or the pain those experiences have caused them.

“The only way, ultimately, to deal with uncertainty is to accept uncertainty.”

Although uncertainty itself may cause discomfort, the acceptance of uncertainty can bring comfort. Uncertainty is a law of nature. Rather than clinging to a false sense of structure and security, Haig therefore argues that people should embrace the freedom of uncertainty and the possibilities it allows.

“The moments of deepest pain in my life were also the moments I learned the most about myself.”

Haig suggests there is a silver lining in moments of despair. Insofar as one can survive to see the end of the pain, they will achieve greater perspective through the lessons they learn. Such moments illustrate the importance of Resisting Binary Thinking; even one’s lowest points contain good (or at least the possibility of it).

“[A]t some point, in any life, something bad will happen, and it is the inherent uncertainty of what that bad thing will ultimately mean to you, what it will lead to, and what it will reveal, that enables us to have a more enduring and resilient kind of hope. A hope that doesn't wish for bad things not to happen—because they sometimes do—but rather one that enables us to see that bad things are never the whole story.”

Although bad things are inevitable, Haig argues that people should acknowledge that their stories consist of far more than those bad things. Moreover, people can control, to some extent, what those bad things mean. In remembering this, and putting it into practice, people will have greater resilience and hope.

“There are only open endings in life.”

With open endings come possibility and the freedom to control one’s life to the extent that one can. Although humans crave structure and resolution, the openness of life can be comforting and liberating: Humans are not tied to one structure or resolution but have the freedom to write their own stories.

“[W]e suffer from resolution.”

This quotation by Buddhist thinker Pema Chödrön suggests that uncertainty and open-endedness can be more of a blessing than a curse. It suggests that when people limit themselves to repetitive and predictable thought patterns or oppressive paradigms, they get stuck in comfortable habit at the expense of the freedom to control their own lives.

“Numbers are addictive, because they enable us to measure and compare and quantify while also making us feel there could always be more.”

Haig cautions against using numbers to compare ourselves to others—e.g., fixating on the number of followers we have, how many likes we get, our income, our weight, or our test scores. He advises readers not to become bogged down in numbers: Humans are infinite, but people lose sense of their vastness when they reduce themselves to a number.

“If you truly feel part of the bigger picture, if you can see yourself in other people and nature, if this you becomes something bigger than the individual you, then you never truly depart the world when you die.”

Haig argues that by acknowledging one’s connection with other people and nature, an individual can transcend the otherwise finite self and achieve a form of immortality.