82 pages • 2 hours read
Sean CoveyThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Nonfiction | Book | YA | Published in 1998A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more. For select classroom titles, we also provide Teaching Guides with discussion and quiz questions to prompt student engagement.
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Making Personal Responsibility the Driving Force in Our Lives
Life has many distractions, and teens especially must find a way to balance a desire to stay socially involved while fulfilling family, school, and extracurricular obligations. Social media, in particular, can be time-consuming as well as distracting, tempting us away from ourselves. However, the first three habits require that we block out the distractions and focus on ourselves as we figure out what is in our circle of control, what our goals are, and what our vision is for the future. Before we can work on our relationships, we must work on ourselves, building our own sense of worth and responsibility. If we feel a poor sense of worth, nothing is possible. Everything seems out of reach. If we can transform our paradigm and believe in our potential, anything is possible. A strengthened self-image will be a powerful tool to help teens fight insecurities, anxieties, and jealousies so they can create greater independence and confidence.
Covey is aware of the serious adversities that many teenagers deal with. He does not gloss over abuse, violence, and other destructive behaviors, but he believes that the seven habits are even more necessary for those situations, perhaps even helping to overcome generations of negative paradigms. However, there are no quick fixes. The book is based on habits, which take time to build. The reader must have the strength and patience to create them. Covey is our cheerleader, urging us that we all have this strength and patience within us. Good habits are harder to build than bad habits, and bad habits are harder to break than good habits. Addictions are the hardest bad habits to break, and Covey urges us not to start them—yet even if we have, those can also be overcome by thoughtfully applying the lessons of the book.
Covey emphasizes the crossroads that teens face. Their choices about college and potential careers, as well as friendships and dating, can have enormous impacts on the future. He also wants teens to recognize the everyday choices that they face countless times a day. The day is full of opportunities for practicing taking responsibility and being proactive, coming up with goals and visions, and making a plan to make sure those goals and visions can be achieved. He uses the metaphor of driving to illustrate that taking responsibility for one’s life is like taking the driver’s seat, setting a destination, and steadily driving toward that destination, refusing to let any roadblocks prevent them from reaching where they want to go.
Redefining Our Relationship Paradigms: Seeing Others Not as Threats but as Treasures
Once we have mastered our responsibility to ourselves, we can then look at our relationships with others with renewed vigor. At first, we may see others as threats and not know how to deal with them, especially with difficult people who may seem hard to work with. We may feel frustrated and powerless in these relationships, but Covey shows us how to change our relationship dynamic. He wants us to redefine our paradigms so that we have an “everyone-can-win” attitude. Rather than view the world with limited resources that people must compete for, he wants us to view the world as full of abundance. This paradigm shift will allow us to see others as treasures, not threats. Rather than set ourselves against each other in competition, we can set ourselves on the same side and work together as a team. With this paradigm shift, we can see the value of synergy, which allows us to work together for a greater solution.
If we can turn from seeing others as a threat to seeing them as a treasure, our listening styles will shift as well. Doing so will teach us to value listening to our treasures so that we can create win-win solutions together. Practicing genuine listening will transform our relationships with others. People can tell when we’re really listening or simply pretending to listen. People have a deep desire to be paid attention to, so by listening, we are increasing our RBA with others.
This focus on others is essential to master for teenagers as they transition to adulthood, get jobs, maybe go to college, maybe move out of their childhood home. They need to learn to interact with the larger world and its various types of people. Covey provides the tools he believes are necessary to make these interactions successful. He urges his young readers not to fear those who are different but instead to use a new paradigm and see difference as positive.
Interestingly, the examples he uses the most are interactions at home, particularly with parents. By the time one becomes a teenager, communications with parents may have become trapped into negative paradigms. Habits of anger or miscommunication may make it very difficult for teens and their parents. Covey shows us, using the many examples from the teens he has interviewed and examples from his own life, how to transform one’s paradigm so that rather than staying trapped in ineffective communication styles, we can redefine our relationships so that new solutions can be created. Synergy can surprise us with its ability to transform our lives and our relationships. Learning to listen and work together to create creative solutions is the ideal outcome of the seven habits.
The Importance of Renewal
The final habit returns to the idea of self-mastery. The previous six habits can be demanding and require a toughness of spirit, mind, and body. The seventh habit is a reminder for balance and to make sure we don’t lose perspective as we pursue our goals. We must take time out to nourish our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls. One may be tempted to skip this step because of lack of time or perhaps feeling that it is not necessary, but failure to take this step will take a toll on the other habits. It is harder to keep our focus when we are tired and more easily distracted. It is hard to listen to others when we feel depleted. It is harder to brainstorm and create magic for synergy when we are exhausted.
Covey suggests specific ways we can make sure that the body, mind, heart, and spirit remain in balance. He gives us sensible advice concerning diet and exercise, steering us away from extremes that could lead to eating disorders and urging us not to compare ourselves to the airbrushed images of models on the covers of magazines. As for the mind, he provides multiple ways we can stimulate our minds, giving particular emphasis to reading. For the heart, he reminds his young readers of the power of emotions to fluctuate, and he suggests returning to the concepts of the personal bank account and relationship bank account, focusing on the idea of patiently building deposits into our relationships with others and with ourselves to help strengthen us against wild fluctuations of feelings. And for the spirit, he recognizes that there are many ways to fulfill this need, from meditation to religion to nature to journal writing. Taking time to renew our whole self will allow us the strength and desire needed to continue to live a life dedicated to our principles and following the seven habits.
