The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Covey introduces himself to the reader. He promises that this book will be a fun read, aided by fun cartoons and inspiring stories. His book is based on the best-selling book by his father, Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Sean Covey jokes that his father’s book is for adults and thus “boring” compared to his book, which is a lot more fun because it is for teenagers. He also jokes that his father is indebted to him and his siblings for being guinea pigs as their father experimented on them with his book ideas.

Covey then includes several quotes from various teenagers who share their problems. These include stress about school and parents, anxiety about how they compare to their peers, and pressures about dating and sex. He briefly lists the tools to address these problems: the seven habits that he will discuss in greater detail later in the book. The first three habits deal with self-mastery, while the next three deal with how to relate to others. The final habit is about self-renewal. He presents the habits as follows:

Habit 1: Be Proactive      

Take responsibility for your life.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

Define your mission and goals in life.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

Prioritize, and do the most important things first.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Have an everyone-can-win attitude.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Listen to people sincerely.

Habit 6: Synergize

Work together to achieve more.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Renew yourself regularly (5).

Covey then gives a list of the seven habits of highly “defective” teens. They are “Habit 1: React”: Blame your problems on others; “Habit 2: Begin with No End in Mind”: Don’t have a plan and live for the moment; “Habit 3: Put First Things Last”: Do fun things first and put off the important stuff; “Habit 4: Think Win-Lose”: Life is a competition and the only way to win is if others lose; “Habit 5: Seek First to Talk, Then Pretend to Listen”: Always tell your side of the story first and don’t make the effort to listen when others explain their sides; “Habit 6: Don’t Cooperate”: People are different from you so don’t waste time trying to work with them; and “Habit 7: Wear Yourself Out”; Don’t waste time trying to renew yourself because it’s more important to be busy (7).

Covey reminds the reader of the power of habit, both for good and for bad, but also of the power we have to change our habits. He encourages his readers to use active reading strategies as they read his book, such as rereading, annotating, and applying the review suggestions (“Baby Steps”) at the end of each section.

Paradigms are perspectives, or the way we see the world. Covey points out that paradigms are like glasses; they determine our ability to see, but our paradigms can be distorted and false as if we are wearing glasses with the wrong prescription. Covey asks us to consider whether our paradigms of ourselves, others, and life in general are “helping or hindering” us (13).

He starts with “Paradigms of Self” (13). If we have a poor self-image, it is hard to shake that view, but we can change our paradigms with paradigm shifts. He says that if you have a negative paradigm of self, an effective strategy might be to trust someone else who believes in you. You can then start to try to see yourself the way that person sees you.

Covey then discusses “Paradigms of Others” (16). He explains how often we judge others without knowing the whole story: “It’s simply this: often our paradigms are incomplete, inaccurate, or kinda messed up. We shouldn’t be so quick to judge, label, or form rigid opinions of others—or of ourselves, for that matter” (18). It’s important to have empathy and understand that we might not have the whole picture. Others may have difficulties in life that we might not be aware of.

“Paradigms of Life” are the way we see the world (18). Covey asks us to consider the “centers” of our life. He breaks down the centers into several groups. The first is “friend-centered”; he warns us not to make friends the center of our lives because friends can be fickle. Also, peer pressure from friends can result in bad choices. The second is “stuff-centered.” Things like smartphones, cars, and clothes, as well as accomplishments such as being valedictorian, head cheerleader, and MVP are exciting and enviable to others, but they should never be our center because they do not last. Covey says, “Our confidence needs to come from within, not from without. From the quality of our hearts, not the quantity of things we own” (19-20). Third, there is “boyfriend/girlfriend-centered”; Covey understands the ease with which some will make a boyfriend or girlfriend central to their life, but, ironically, doing so often makes one less attractive to the other. He explains: “It’s irritating when someone builds their entire emotional life around you and not from within themselves” (20).

Other categories including “school-centered”—Covey says that learning requires a thoughtful balance, not an obsessive focus on grades and external achievements—and “parent-centered.” While we love and honor our parents, we cannot base our entire lives on whether we get their approval; becoming an adult means taking responsibility for our choices. Another category covers a range of “other centers,” including sports-centered, hobbies-centered, hero-centered, enemy-centered, and self-centered. None of these centers will make us happy in the long run.

Finally, there is “principle-centered.” This is the center Covey urges his readers to embrace. Principles such as honesty, hard work, love, service, and responsibility are the values that guide us to make the right decisions. Covey advises: “In whatever situation you find yourself, ask, ‘What’s the principle in play here?’ For every problem, search for the principle that will help you solve it” (26). Covey’s seven habits, he says, help his readers develop a principle-centered life.