Stuck In Neutral

Throughout the narrative, communication is an integral aspect of the presented conflict. As a teenager with cerebral palsy, Shawn is wholly unable to communicate. He is assumed to have the intellect of an infant because he is physically unable to produce sounds or purposefully move his muscles in any way:“Of course, nobody knows I can read. Like the captain says in Cool Hand Luke, ‘What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.’ In my case that’s kind of like calling the Grand Canyon a pothole” (9). Shawn’s inability to communicate leads to other characters, namely his family, using only their assumption of his capabilities. Although Shawn tries to remain positive about this setback, he repeatedly references his inability to communicate as the source of many of his problems. His failure to communicate leads to his father assuming that he does not possess the ability of thought and that it would be merciful to kill him. It also puts Shawn in physical danger, as his lack of speech is directly associated with the two strangers burning him with a lighter. Here, the audience witnesses the physical ramifications that a lack of communication can have: namely, it can result in physical trauma or even death. Without the ability to communicate, Shawn is assumed to be an idiot, demonstrating how integral communication is to interpersonal relationships

Shawn seems especially frustrated by his inability to communicate when trying to grapple with his sexual appetite:“Being a total retard and not being able to communicate has presented certain drawbacks when it comes to securing a close, intimate relationship with a girl. In fact, in case you couldn’t figure this one out on your own, it’s made it completely impossible” (51-52). Shawn is unable to have interpersonal relationships or romantic relationships of any kind specifically because he is unable to communicate. This means that he is unable to actively participate in society; rather, his failure to communicate necessitates that he acts as a passive observer throughout his life.

Similarly, Shawn’s identity is mitigated by his lack of communication. He feels as though no one knows him, the true him, because they do not know anything about him aside from their assumptions. This presents a bifurcation between internal and external identity, in which Shawn’s assumed identity is completely different from his personality:

The me they talked about, the Shawn in the poem, is not the real me, not even the me my family knows. The kid in the poem is just some cute little redhead retard named Shawn from my father’s imagination. The Shawn in the poem, my father’s version of me, is a paper-thin, imaginary Shawn, a two-dimensional version of Dad’s worst fears. It’s one thing not to be known for who I actually am, but to be known for who I’ve never been by a roomful of strangers was the worst (29).

In this way, communication definitively shapes identity; without the ability to communicate, one cannot be known. Shawn further postulates that the ability to be known—that is, to have an external identity that reflects an internal identity—is integral to being loved: “For the first time in my life I’m thinking about being loved and being known somehow going together” (58). Shawn realizes that being known or having an external identity necessitates communication, and it is only by being known that he can be truly loved. Even though his family members do love him, he maintains that it is not the same, simply because they do not and cannot know him. In this way, communication is central to creating and sustaining positive interpersonal relationships.