Still Alice

John and Alice are back in Dr. Davis’s office; she has just completed another round of tests with Sarah, although she can no longer remember her name at all. The tests are exhausting; similarly, Dr. Davis’s tests, which were once trivial, are very difficult. For example, Alice struggles to spell water backwards, then needs him to repeat his instructions in order to complete a relatively simple task. She is once again asked for John Black’s name and address, but is now unable to remember his last name, either; she continues to answer the questions, though, even though she has no idea. Finally, Dr. Davis asks her where in the room he hid a twenty-dollar bill. Alice has no recollection of him hiding it in the first place, never mind where it is located, but is able to find it after a brief search.

John is concerned about Alice’s rapid decline; Dr. Davis points out, however, that Alice’s unusually high intelligence means that it’s possible her decline began far earlier than anyone recognized, but that her intelligence made it much easier to compensate. John asks if they can up the dosage of her medications, but Alice is already at the maximum dosage; John states that it is clear she’s either getting the placebo in the trial, or that the Amylix doesn’t work, to which Dr. Davis neither agrees nor disagrees. Alice believes that John has given up on her.

Alice has been selected to give the opening plenary presentation at the Dementia Care Conference; despite being an in-demand speaker throughout her career, she is more nervous for this talk than she ever was prior. John, Dr. Davis, her children, and her support group are all in attendance. Her talk describes her daily experiences and asks the audience to avoid writing off symptoms as byproducts of depression, menopause, or other concerns, and not to write off or ignore people who have been diagnosed with the disease. The speech is a resounding success, and she is thrilled to see John standing tall in the front row “with an unmistakable love in his eyes and joy in his smile as he [applauds] her” (254).

Despite the success of her speech, Alice finds herself losing confidence in herself as she once again begins making frequent, small errors. She grows depressed, sleeping late, laying in bed, and crying continuously. One night, John wakes her, dresses her, and puts her into the car; Alice is too indifferent to ask where they are going. They arrive at a hospital; however, instead of being taken to a waiting room, as she expects, they enter a room with a sleeping woman, whom Alice remarks “looks terrible” (256). An “attractive young man” comes in with coffee; Alice thinks that he’s either the woman’s doctor or room service, she’s surprised that he knows her name (257). The man returns momentarily with “two clear, rectangular tubs. Each tub [contains] a tiny baby” (257). After a few moments, it clicks, and Alice remembers that the woman is her daughter Anna, and these are her newborn twins. She asks if they’ll get Alzheimer’s like she did, and Anna ensures her that they won’t, which brings Alice “a sense of relief and peace she [hasn’t] known in a long time” (258).

Some time later, Lydia tells Alice that she got into NYU and Brandies, and that she is going to study theater. Alice tells her that she used to go to Harvard, then asks where she’s going to go. Lydia tells her that NYU has the better reputation, but Brandeis is closer, especially if Alice stays. Alice is confused; she doesn’t remember that John may take the job in New York. Lydia tells her that she’s worried about making the wrong decision; Alice asks her how old she is and if she is married, then tells her she has her whole life ahead of her and that she “can’t make this kind of decision based on what other people might or might not do” (259). Lydia, the “pretty woman with the lovely peanut butter eyes” (260), laughs and tells Alice that they’ve come a long way, a comment Alice doesn’t understand. Alice tells Lydia that Alice reminds her of her students, and that she used to be a student adviser. She asks again the name of the school to which Lydia wants to go, and Lydia tells her Brandeis.

Another day, Alice is in a room with “the actress” and “the mother.” They argue again with John about whether or not to go to New York; John argues that between Lydia starting school, Anna raising newborn twins, and Tom in medical school, they won’t be able to help much, anyway. Alice tries to follow the conversation, but she is unsure who they’re talking about; it’s only when Lydia pushes John to stop ignoring what she wants just because she has Alzheimer’s that she realizes they’re talking about her. Alice notices that “the mother” is crying, and that she looks and sounds like Alice’s sister, Anne, which she thinks is “impossible” because “Anne [doesn’t] have any children” (263). John tells Lydia and Anna that they won’t bully him into a decision and that they don’t know everything; however, he refuses to tell them what they don’t know, instead leaving for a meeting. Alice appears to feel no emotion regarding the situation, and asks what they’re having for dinner.