Sonny Boy: A Memoir

Pacino continues to develop his theme on Performance as an Art and a Career by contrasting his newfound fame as a film actor with his more satisfying experience of performing on stage. Pacino portrays his early film work as stressful and bewildering. While grateful for the opportunity to appear in The Godfather, Pacino felt insecure in his first foray into a big-budget feature film. While acting in The Godfather, Pacino knew that Paramount and even the director Coppola were unhappy with his performance. His constant need to prove himself to them made that shoot particularly challenging. When he twisted his ankle in a dangerous stunt, Pacino remembers, “Showing up for work every day, feeling unwanted, feeling like an underling, was an oppressive experience, and this injury could be my release from that prison” (121). Pacino’s continuing emphasis on his doubts and reluctance while undertaking film work reinforces his self-presentation as someone who did not seek to be a film star for its own sake. 

Even after the eventual success of The Godfather and the critical acclaim that came with it, Pacino had self-imposed limits on the roles he would consider, even turning down big-name directors because the parts weren’t right for him. He writes, “All I knew is there were roles that I could play and roles I couldn’t […] Most parts, I thought that other actors could play better and I still think that way” (108). Even when he was nominated for an Academy Award for his performance as Michael Corleone, Pacino was not excited, but instead opted to not attend the ceremony. Looking back, he realizes he was “overwhelmed” by the attention and felt too “reclusive” to enjoy it (150). Pacino takes the romance and intrigue out of Hollywood by hinting at the negativity that can fester behind the scenes, saying, “Everybody’s a dark secret” (111).

Pacino’s complicated relationship with Hollywood and his film career prompted him to consider doing theater acting again, and he embraced the chance to play Richard lll. He recalls that it was “one of the more rewarding things” (144) he worked on since his initial success in theater with The Indian Wants The Bronx. The huge discrepancy in his experience of film and stage acting show that while Pacino was committed to acting as a craft and profession, he was hesitant about being caught up in the overwhelming world of Hollywood and the kind of celebrity that came with it.

These chapters also expand Pacino’s theme of The Search for Identity as he considers how he struggled to find the right approach to work, romance, and well-being in the early years of his career. He reflects on how he began to lean on alcohol and drugs more and more as his career took off. Looking back on his old habit of drinking and partying regularly, he says, “But I could only go on so long just drinking and having fun. I wouldn’t even call it fun, just being unconscious. At a certain point I had to do something else” (140). Pacino once more uses revelations of unflattering behavior to create a tone of intimacy and candor, explaining why he eventually forged a new lifestyle beyond his dependency on drugs and alcohol.

With no close family connections left by his late 20s and early 30s, and having broken up with his long-time partner Jill Clayburgh, Pacino became solely focused on his work. He recalls how his commitment to his roles was all-consuming, and he neglected other parts of his life in order to focus solely on his job. He explains, “I could see a pattern already starting […] that work is work, and romance and life come second […] I can happily say that I’m not like that anymore” (156). This passage reveals Pacino’s inner struggle to remain committed to his craft without sacrificing his own personal life in the process, and shows how his identity at that time was primarily based on being an actor.