Sociopath: A Memoir

After stealing Dale’s car, Patric leaves the Statue of Liberty keychain on the hall table. David is disapproving when he learns what Patric did. Patric says she stole the car to rebel against him and no longer intends to confess and seek absolution from him. She complains that while she accepts him unconditionally, the dynamic is not reciprocal.

Patric receives an anonymous email demanding $50,000. The sender claims to have compromising photographs of her father with young women. Patric believes the email is from Ginny Krusi—the notoriously unstable mother of a talented singer named Oliver. Ginny was furious when Patric’s father failed to make her other son, Liam, a star. She bombarded the office with threatening calls and visits until Patric’s father threatened her with legal action.

When a private investigator confirms that Ginny sent the email, Patric begins to spy on Ginny’s home at night. She progresses from watching the building from her car to climbing into Ginny’s backyard. Meanwhile, Ginny continues her extortion demands and makes anonymous threatening phone calls to Patric. Patric is unsure if she should go to the authorities about Ginny. She knows Ginny’s claims are likely true, as she once found compromising photos in the attic of her father with young women. However, she cannot decide if his behavior is morally wrong. Furthermore, she enjoys stalking Ginny.

One night, Ginny makes one of her anonymous calls as Patric is standing in her yard. Patric adopts a fake voice when she answers, and Ginny assumes that she is Harlowe, threatening to hurt her if her sister does not pay up. When Ginny steps outside for a cigarette, Patric anticipates the release she will experience if she jumps out and attacks her. However, as Patric prepares to pounce, Ginny’s son Liam appears. Ginny affectionately greets her son and puts her arm around him as they walk back toward the house. Patric remains frozen to the spot as they go inside, and Ginny draws the blinds.

Patric has not seen Dr. Carlin for weeks, because her stalking of Ginny breaches their contract. She fears her self-control and mental health are disintegrating and that she needs serious medical intervention. Patric searches online for a psychiatric service for sociopathy but cannot find one.

Patric meets famous singer Max Magus at a music studio. Max is confident and flirtatious, and Patric finally agrees to have lunch with him. When Max reveals he sometimes thinks he’s “crazy,” Patric admits she is a sociopath and spent the morning seeking psychiatric treatment. She tells him about her impulses and her close encounter with Ginny the night before. Max is delighted by the story and invites Patric and David to be his guests at the Hollywood Bowl the following evening. Patric tells David about the invitation, but he reminds her he must attend a work party.

A month later, Patric is still friends with Max, but her relationship with David has deteriorated. When she finally tells David about stalking Ginny, he is horrified.

Max holds a dinner party and proudly introduces Patric as a sociopath. His guests are fascinated, and Patric enjoys discussing her condition and research. Knowing David will be away on business, Max asks Patric to fly to New York the next day. Patric knows David would not want her to go and turns down the invitation. However, she feels resentful about missing out. She realizes that now her relationship with David is strained, she is suffering from “stuck stress” and has no healthy outlet for it, just as Dr. Carlin predicted.

Patric decides that she will devise her own treatment, as no other help is available. She applies the ABC model of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) to her situation. REBT seeks to address destructive behavior and emotions by identifying “the ‘activating event’ (A), the ‘belief system’ related to that event (B), and the ‘consequence’ that results from that belief (C)” (264). Patric realizes that stuck stress activates her belief that she needs to misbehave, and her destructive behavior is the consequence.

Beginning the third year of her doctorate, Patric begins a dissertation on “Sociopathy: Its Relationship to Anxiety and Response to Treatment Intervention” (265). She continues to work as a music manager, as she feels her sociopathic traits are an advantage in this world. However, she is aware that her “good side” is enhanced by studying and her relationship with David.

When Ginny resumes her threatening calls, Patric considers going to the police, but Max claims to have a better idea. They climb into Ginny’s yard together and observe her smoking from their hiding places. Afterward, Patric again concludes she should go to the police, but Max argues that the police will let Ginny off with a warning. Patric tries to make Max understand that the situation is dangerous and unhealthy for her. Max disagrees, arguing that Patric should embrace her sociopathic traits. He suggests they turn the tables on Ginny by plaguing her with anonymous calls or blackmailing her.

Patric confides in Everly, recounting the incident with Ginny and Max and admitting she fears for her sanity. Everly points out that Patric’s attraction to Max may be an exciting distraction, but it will not solve her issues. She suggests that Patric is conflicted because she is leading a “double life,” playing different roles with different people. She needs to work out who she really is and consistently be her authentic self.

Patric tells David that she wants to help other sociopaths and plans to reveal her diagnosis in her dissertation. However, David argues that her research will be considered unreliable if she does so. He is annoyed when Patric insists she has already made up her mind and points out they are always in conflict about the same issues. Patric is furious when David expresses the desire to “have normal problems” (282) like other couples. She asserts that he always knew she was not “normal” but has now decided he doesn’t like it. David implies that he wants Patric to be the “good” self he knows exists inside her. They reach an impasse as Patric insists she is not prepared to suppress certain sides of herself, while David feels that Patric does not care about his feelings.

David moves out, and although Patric knows she is upset, she cannot feel it. She is also unhappy when she learns she must work 500 hours as an intern therapist to complete her PhD. Patric reminds her tutor that she is a sociopath with no empathy for others. However, he responds that this may be an advantage as “emotional attachments” will not cloud her professional judgment.

Since their breakup, Patric and David spend hours talking on the phone. They both express the wish that they could meet each other for the first time and start their relationship anew. Learning about the internship, David points out that Patric is not apathetic about people; she is profoundly interested in them.

Patric concludes that the chaos of the music industry is unhealthy for her and that she wants to dedicate herself to psychology. However, she has not yet told Everly that she plans to quit. Everly wants Patric to be her manager.

Patric’s internship is at the Aloe Center, and she sees a diverse range of patients. Many clients have no clear diagnosis and describe symptoms similar to Patric’s—destructive compulsions, apathy, and a tendency toward impulsive violence. While some have committed crimes, none of her patients have criminal records. Although many exhibit traits from the psychopathy checklist, they also display compassion, a capacity for love and affection, and a desire to stop their destructive behavior. Some of Patric’s patients are aware they may be sociopaths but are scared of what that means.

One day, Patric’s regular client, Teri, cancels her appointment. Teri’s symptoms include apathy, violent fantasies, and destructive behavior focused on the stalking and threatening of parking enforcement officers. Patric calls Teri and insists on knowing where she is. Teri refuses to tell her but promises she is leaving. Patric talks to her for an hour and feels assured that she has prevented a parking enforcement officer from being harmed.

Max arrives at Patric’s office unexpectedly and asks her to listen to his new track. Patric takes him to the still-abandoned cottage near Mulholland Drive, now for sale. Max plays “Killer Queen” on the grand piano and follows it with a love song dedicated to a sociopath. Max tells Patric he loves her, and she is briefly tempted by the life she could have with him. However, when he kisses her, she pushes him away. Max is surprised at this rejection and becomes angry. Patric realizes that Max likes the idea that she is incapable of love, believing she would never be judgmental or jealous. He storms out, leaving Patric to fall asleep on the four-poster bed upstairs.

Instead of going home to change, Patric picks a dress from the cottage’s wardrobe and wears it with men’s shoes. After a day’s counseling, her father picks her up and takes her to Everly’s show at the Roxy. Patric decides to confide everything to her father, recounting Ginny Krusi’s threats, her subsequent stalking of Ginny, and her decision to go to the police. Patric’s father praises her bravery, saying he will accompany her to the police station. However, when Patric says she will not admit to stalking Ginny, her father suggests that it would be simpler to claim the compromising photos were of Patric. Mr. Gagne points out that he knows his daughter does not mind lying. Patric is stunned by the request.

At the Roxy, Patric feels a sense of rising pressure and an impulse to harm someone. She is relieved to see David and throws her arms around him, but controls the desire to tell him how much she loves him. Patric reminds herself that David is a “good person” and feels that she does not deserve him. David senses her distress, but Patric fakes casual indifference, claiming she skipped work and has been drinking all day. Noticing Max staring at her from across the room, she storms over to confront him. Max accuses Patric of deliberately exploiting and feeding off other people’s emotions. Suddenly, Patric experiences a sensation she knows must be remorse and apologizes to Max.

After the show, Patric goes to the cliffside home of one of Everly’s bandmates. In the infinity pool, she tells Everly she is quitting the music business and is worried that she will no longer want to be her friend. Patric asserts that most people use her like a Rorschach test, projecting their issues onto her. Everly assures Patric that she and David love her for who she is. Patric reflects on the life of “invisibility” she must surrender as she submerges herself in the pool.

A few weeks later, Patric is annoyed when someone buys the Mulholland cottage with no intention of restoring it. Tempted to break into her neighbors’ home when they go on vacation, she goes to see Dr. Carlin and says she no longer wants to resort to old unhealthy behaviors. Dr. Carlin draws up a new contract, and this time, Patric is happy to commit to it.

In their following appointments, they devise a treatment plan combining Patric’s research on sociopathy and Dr. Carlin’s expertise. Patric uses cognitive behavioral techniques to reduce her unhealthy behaviors in combination with Dr. Carlin’s exploration of her unconscious motivations. Patric realizes that she first experienced anxiety in kindergarten when emotional responses were expected of her, and that pattern has continued throughout her life. She starts to use exposure therapy, visiting places connected with her compulsions while resisting the associated behavior. Revisiting Ginny’s house, Patric sits in the car and notices that her bodily responses, such as rapid breathing, are those of arousal. She forces herself to remain there for an hour, resisting the urge to go to Ginny’s yard. After repeated visits, the compulsion eases.

Patric recognizes that her attempts to avoid apathy are related to how negatively society views those with limited emotions. Sociopathy is frequently linked to evil in popular culture. Meanwhile, in a work meeting, a fellow intern declares she would prefer her child had cancer than sociopathy. Patric says nothing but goes to her colleague’s home that night and burns “T-A-I-N-T” into her lawn with salt.

Working on recontextualizing her thoughts, Patric learns to enjoy apathy as a relaxing state. She is also certain she wants to spend her life with David but is still concerned that her desire to please him will become a source of anxiety. Dr. Carlin encourages her to confront this issue. Patric goes to David’s house and, when he opens the door, introduces herself as if they are meeting for the first time. She tells him she is a sociopath and that she hopes he can love her as she is. David confirms that he does but is distracted by the sight of a strange car parked outside his house. Patric claims that she stole it, enjoying David’s shock before she admits that the new car belongs to her.

David and Patric go to couples therapy with Dr. Carlin and establish their relationship’s primary source of conflict. Patric believes that David’s love is conditional on her being “good,” while David believes that Patric doesn’t care about his feelings. David works hard to understand sociopathy and learns to take Patric’s sociopathic traits less personally. At the same time, Patric works on recognizing David’s need for affection. Patric’s prejudices against non-sociopaths are exposed, including her belief that they use kindness and affection as a form of transactional manipulation.

Patric and David marry and have their first child. Patric is angry and disappointed when she does not feel the overwhelming love she has been led to expect when her son is born. However, she learns to love him intensely, and they have a second son.

After gaining her PhD, Patric becomes a therapist specializing in sociopathy. She also has an essay published in The New York Times describing her family life as a sociopath. She and David go to Harlowe’s house for Thanksgiving, and her family commends her for her article’s impact. Patric’s mother suggests she should write a self-help book for sociopaths. However, her brother-in-law, Gibson, insists she must write a memoir, and Harlowe agrees. No one but David knows that Patric has already done so. Harlowe guesses that her sister has already written the memoir. She asks Patric to name her Harlowe in the book and include this request in the narrative. When Harlowe praises her sister for helping other people, Patric reminds her, “Captain Apathy doesn’t care!” (344). Harlowe assures her that she cares “when it matters” (344).