Simon Sort of Says

“Her name is Ms. Snodgrass, and she looks like she’s spent her whole life trying to overcome being called Ms. Snodgrass.”

Simon is very sarcastic, and this form of humor comes in handy for him as he navigates the aftermath of a traumatic experience, understanding The Importance of Humor in Life’s Darkest Moments. Further, Simon has retained this sense of humor despite how his trauma has affected him. Simon has no qualms about poking fun at the people around him but does so in a non-malicious way.

“Sometimes it’s smarter to sit with your back to the wall and your eyes on the exit.”

In this aphorism, Simon comments on his general attitude toward life and trying to blend in to avoid becoming known for his past. Simon was trapped in a classroom during the shooting and now hates the idea of becoming trapped anywhere. He refers here to both a general attitude and a literal physical disposition that cause him to be on constant alert of his surroundings, speaking to the theme of Living With PTSD.

“Agate bursts, just bursts, with laughter. If she was all phrase book before, it’s like laughter is her native language. She turns pink with it, and I’m smiling before I know why.”

Simon’s admiration for Agate is clear from the very beginning because she is confident, is comfortable with herself, and does not care what others think of her. When Agate laughs, she really laughs, and the joy that she brings to each day and moment rubs off on Simon. Agate’s laughter is one of many examples of The Redemptive Power of Friendship and its effect on Simon’s healing.

“Maybe Kevin’s not worried, but me? I start to get this horror-movie feeling, the one where you realize you did not leave that door open. My fingertips get cold, and hot pulses start behind my eyes.”

Simon compares the physical symptoms of a trauma response to something that a person experiences in a horror movie. It’s as though his entire body reacts to the stress that his mind feels, and the worse it gets, the less control he has over the result. As time goes on, Simon starts finding ways to cope with his symptoms.

“The disk is a dusty white saucer, tipped up to catch the sky, like something God’s cat could drink out of.”

The narrative here combines simile and metaphor to paint a picture of the radio telescopes, including their size and shape and the overall sense of power that they exude. They are an example of human achievement and of humanity’s longing for connection, and they stand opposed to Simon’s traumatic school shooting experience. Living somewhere that prioritizes peaceful connection presents a new start and an opportunity for Simon to heal.

“Over the edge of the hearse garage comes a furious hiss and then the questing head of our attack peacock.”

Simon’s family lives in a funeral home, but this doesn’t mean that their lives are serious all the time. In contrast with the dreary atmosphere of the home, a colorful peacock, which has a strong will and no fear, lives in the garden. It is an extreme example of what Simon wishes he were, and Simon appreciates how the peacock keeps the family safe.

“I think there’s never going to be a now. I think there’s always going to be a before, and an after.”

Simon finds it difficult Living With PTSD, which keeps him locked in his memories and past experiences. With this condition, the future acts as an additional source of dread and fear. The more that Simon spends time with Agate, who is always fully engaged with the present and with the world around her, the more that Simon starts to see that he can be his past, future, and present selves all at once.

“I now have a friend leaning on each shoulder, which is great, obviously, but which is also too much like a pile on. I can feel my stiff body getting stiffer.”

Simon’s friends are still discovering who he is and what he needs. When the kids pile into the gym for an assembly, Simon’s friends crowd him on both sides, and he is reminded of the day of the shooting. Simon has not developed strategies to express what he’s going through and tries his best to hide his emotional state from his friends.

“Two years ago, I was locked in a third-floor classroom with only one door, and I couldn’t get out. But now I’m walking. We’re walking.”

Even though it takes a long time and a great deal of effort, Simon starts to witness progress in his journey of healing. Where he once felt completely trapped by what he went through, he now finds that he is slowly emerging from that dark place and moving into a position where he is more self-assured and willing to move forward.

“Sometimes things just happen.”

Although this statement is short, it encompasses a wider truth that Simon must learn if he is to move on with his life and heal from his past. The school shooting was not part of some larger plan, nor was it fate, and Simon was not “meant” to survive. He survived, the other students died, and now he has to find a way to live the life that he got to keep.

“He’s a third-person kid. He’s light-years away. But sometimes I’m still frozen inside him. He’s a still image so his lungs don’t work so good, and I have to tell him how to breathe.”

The first time that Simon opens up about what happened to him with Agate, he tells her about it as though he is talking about someone else. He has separated and compartmentalized the part of himself that went through the experience of almost dying and surviving—the part of him that cannot move on and that comes to the surface when his PTSD is triggered.

“I’m not like a dam. I’m like glass. If I break I’m going to be broken forever.”

In this simile, Simon compares himself to glass because he feels fragile and vulnerable, particularly when it comes to his new friendships. Simon is still grieving the loss of everyone who died in the shooting, and he still does not see that he is an immensely strong person who remains open to new people and experiences.

“I can hear but it’s like I can’t figure words out. A warm hand closes around my wrist. Not like someone grabbing me—like someone ready to rescue me, to pull me out of a hole.”

Agate witnesses Simon in a state of total panic and attempts to help him out of it by offering physical support. Her approach to Simon’s problems is straightforward and empathetic, which is exactly what Simon needs from a friendship. Agate becomes a major support pillar in Simon’s life and someone who he is most grateful for, highlighting The Redemptive Power of Friendship.

“When my mom grabs me hard, she’s like an eagle who’s going to carry me off.”

Simon compares his mother to an eagle because she is strong, independent, and fiercely protective. Simon feels safe with his parents, both physically and emotionally, and they are always there in times of emotional crisis. They know the truth of what he went through, and they have also experienced a fraction of his trauma as they attempt to recover after the event.

“God didn’t take them. God doesn’t shoot kids. He didn’t do that to them.”

Simon’s dad gives a divisive sermon in which he expresses his true feelings about the school shooting and how it relates to his religion. It is suggested that since the shooting, Simon’s dad has grappled with the conflict between his religious teachings and what happened to the children at Eagle Crest. His admission gives Simon courage to become more open with his own thoughts and emotions on the issue, speaking to the theme of Healing From Trauma as a Family.

“Agate does what I’d hoped she’d do: She lights up like the moon.”

Simon always admires Agate’s energy and her overall attitude toward life. Whenever something goes as planned, Agate is thrilled, and Simon cannot help feeling the same way. Agate appreciates everything that Simon contributes to her life, and she teaches Simon about The Redemptive Power of Friendship when it comes to healing from the past.

“Unless you’re a seasonal decoration or a jug of embalming chemicals, there’s nowhere to hide.”

Simon’s sarcastic and darkly humorous approach to death is something he gets from his mother, which helps him cope with the gruesome reality of everything that has happened to him. Simon consistently shows The Importance of Humor in Life’s Darkest Moments, and death is one of his favorite things to joke about.

“I can see the twisting tree branches that make the railing, and the actual trees behind them, the top of Mr. Bagshott’s emu barn, and the blue, blue sky.”

Simon describes his surroundings in a sort of grounding technique that places him directly in the present moment. Rather than grieving his past or dreading his future, Simon embraces the now and appreciates the beauty and calmness of the day.

“I’m in the middle of a giant model of the Saturn V rocket, which Agate will be impressed with, if I can get the two sections to join together, which they won’t do. There must be some mistake somewhere, something out of place, where I just can’t move on.”

Simon describes his current LEGO project, which ironically will need to be taken apart to be put back together properly. This description also suits Simon’s own life, as he had to build it from the ground up and start again in a new place, with new people. When Simon finds the final “piece” in his puzzle, he is finally able to start moving on.

“Something big. Something big has happened. It’s happened inside me, like…like something getting born, stretching out, like I just hatched and have wings. I feel light and heavy and super weird and like I could be a tornado and like I could run across America forever.”

When the alignment goes as planned, Simon feels lighter than air and like a new person. Unlike before, Simon had direct control over this situation, and it was his choice to make the plan go forward. Simon pushes the microwave button, and Simon says when.

“I survived the Eagle Crest school shooting and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.”

The T-shirt that Agate gives Simon is an example of The Importance of Humor in Life’s Darkest Moments and shows that Agate truly understands Simon’s personality. Simon is incredulous at Agate’s boldness at first, but he reacts with strong laughter to the T-shirt, showing that he is able to be reminded of the day without breaking down.

“I realize I can’t wait to get home. Back to Kevin, and Agate—who will be in the tree house again tonight, covered in goat gunk and pranking a radio telescope without me.”

Simon has made a new home for himself in GNB, complete with new friends, a strong routine, and a sense of belonging. Simon starts to shake loose from the fearful and timid version of himself that used to rule his every decision, showing his progress while Living With PTSD.

“We listen. It’s a total zombie movie sound: rushing feet, people panting and shouting, the snap of stepped-on branches.”

Simon finds humor in the macabre and compares the scientists running away from the emus to zombies in a horror movie. The imagery is strong, and the association here is a familiar one, which allows one to truly imagine what Simon is seeing and experiencing.