Prisoner of Tehran

“The government had ordered women to cover their hair and had issued edicts against music, makeup, paintings of unveiled women, and Western books, which had all been declared satanic and therefore illegal.”

Nemat discusses the oppressive measures enforced by the government, specifically concerning how these measures targeted women’s autonomy and cultural expression. By mandating how women should dress and banning various forms of art and Western influences, the government imposed strict control over personal freedoms and cultural life. This passage reveals a broader theme of the narrative: the struggle against authoritarianism and the suppression of individual rights and cultural identity, which highlights the regime’s attempt to reshape society through rigid ideological enforcement.

“The guards guided me to a black Mercedes parked at our door. They opened the back door, and I stepped in. The car started to move. I looked back and caught a glimpse of the bright windows of our apartment staring into darkness and the shadows of my parents standing in the doorway. I knew I was supposed to be terrified, but I wasn’t. A cold void had surrounded me.”

Nemat narrates her abduction, focusing on the stark contrast between her former life and her imminent unknown fate. The detailed observation of her surroundings and the emotional detachment reflect her shock and disassociation in the face of trauma. This moment signifies a horrifying change in her life, marking the transition from the safety of her home to the uncertainty and fear of captivity. It refers to a sudden and violent disruption of life and the struggle to maintain one’s identity in the face of oppressive forces.

“The doctor gave me some kind of injection in the arm, and he and Ali left the cell. I closed my eyes and thought of home. I wished I could crawl into my grandmother’s bed as I used to when I was a child, so she could tell me there was no reason to be scared, that it had all been a nightmare.”

Nemat describes a moment of vulnerability and longing for comfort amidst her harrowing circumstances. Her yearning for the safety of her grandmother’s bed and the reassurance of childhood innocence contrasts sharply with her grim reality. This passage reveals the story’s themes of loss, the desire for safety and normalcy, and the psychological impact of imprisonment and fear.

“After a little while, my bed creaked under someone’s weight. I lifted my old beige bedspread a few inches from the floor and saw my grandmother’s brown slippers and her slim ankles. I crawled out from under the bed and sat next to her. As always, her gray hair was gathered in a tight bun behind her head. She wore a black skirt and a perfectly ironed white blouse and stared straight ahead at the wall. She didn’t look angry. ‘Bahboo, you lied,’ I said. ‘I lied.’ ‘God won’t get mad at you.’ ‘Why not?’ she raised an eyebrow. ‘Because you saved me.’”

Nemat captures a tender moment with her grandmother, illustrating a deep familial bond and comfort in times of distress. The scene underlines the significance of small, yet profound, acts of love and support within families. Her grandmother’s presence and the conversation about lying and divine judgment subtly emphasize the innocence and trust inherent in their relationship.

“‘You’re coming with me to watch us arrest your friends,’ Hamehd said, ‘the ones you tried to protect. We had their names and addresses all along. We just needed to know more about you, and you proved to us that you’re an enemy of the revolution. You’re a danger to Islamic society.’”

Nemat recounts a threatening encounter with Hamehd, a figure of authority, who reveals the manipulation and betrayal she faced. The scene exposes the harsh reality of political persecution and the use of psychological tactics to intimidate and control individuals deemed threats. Hamehd’s assertion that they had information all along and Nemat’s designation as an “enemy of the revolution” and a “danger to Islamic society” underscore the oppressive environment and the constant surveillance and suspicion individuals faced.

“‘I watched you grow. You brought joy and happiness to my life. I’ll miss you. You’re like a daughter to me.’ I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. Moving to America felt as splitting and eternal as death.”

This is a conversation between Albert, the bookstore owner, and Nemat; it is laden with emotional depth and signals a farewell and a deep personal connection between the two. Albert’s words convey the affection and impact Nemat has had on his life, as he likens her to a daughter. This exchange highlights the strong bonds formed in unlikely circumstances and the sense of loss experienced when life’s changes sever such connections.

“‘Marina, how’re my parents? When was the last time you saw them?’ Sarah’s eyes focused on me with an intensity I had never seen before, as if she had been wandering in a desert without water for days and I was a gurgling fountain.”

Nemat illustrates a moment of desperation and longing through Sarah’s intense inquiry about her parents. Sarah’s focused intensity and the metaphor of a person wandering in a desert, seeing Nemat as a source of vital information (like water), vividly convey her deep yearning for connection and updates about her loved ones. This interaction reveals the underlying themes of separation, the ache for familial bonds, and the impact of uncertainty on individuals in distressing circumstances.

“‘I gave them your name, Marina…I’m sorry…but I couldn’t take it,’ she said. I didn’t blame her. I would have given Hamehd all the names he wanted if he had lashed me only a little while longer.”

In this passage, Nemat explores the theme of moral compromise under extreme duress. Sarah’s confession to Nemat about giving her name to the authorities under torture reveals the intense pressure individuals faced to betray trust to avoid further pain. Nemat’s empathetic response, acknowledging that she too would have succumbed to such pressure, highlights the complex nature of guilt, survival, and the human threshold for endurance. This moment captures the excruciating moral dilemmas faced by individuals under oppressive regimes, where the instinct to survive can lead to actions that betray one’s values or relationships.

“He wrote that he had never been very courageous, but now he felt he had to put fear aside, and he understood that he could lose his life for his beliefs. At the end, he mentioned that if we were reading his letter, it meant that he was probably dead, and he asked for our forgiveness and apologized for causing us pain.”

Arash’s letter to Nemat, handed over by Aram and potentially serving as his final words, conveys a deep sense of foreboding and responsibility. He preempts the grief his death might cause and seeks forgiveness, highlighting the emotional toll of such conflicts on individuals and their relationships. This moment not only deepens Arash’s character development, showing his evolution, but also reinforces the overarching themes of sacrifice, the personal costs of political resistance, and The Resilience of the Human Spirit amidst adversity.

“It was my first night at 246. She explained that we got warm water only once every two or three weeks, and each time for only two to three hours. Our room’s turn to use the showers would be at around two in the morning. ‘Each person has ten minutes in the shower. I’ll wake you up,’ she said.”

Nemat describes her initial experience at a detention facility, numbered 246, highlighting the harsh conditions and strict regimentation of daily life. The provision of warm water only once every two or three weeks for a limited duration, and at an inconvenient time, illustrates the deprivations and control exerted over the detainees. The statement by a fellow inmate about the shower schedule and her offer to wake Nemat encapsulate the small acts of solidarity and mutual support among prisoners in such oppressive environments. This scene sets the stage for the exploration of survival, camaraderie, and The Resilience of the Human Spirit in the face of institutional dehumanization.

“One night, we woke to the sound of firing guns. All the girls sat up in their beds and stared at the window. Each bullet was a lost life, a last breath, a loved one torn apart while a family waited and hoped for him or her to come home.”

Nemat captures a harrowing moment of violence and the collective fear experienced by the girls as they are abruptly awakened by gunfire. The vivid imagery of “each bullet” representing “a lost life, a last breath, a loved one torn apart” powerfully conveys the brutal reality of conflict and the personal tragedies behind each act of violence. This scene illustrates the omnipresent danger and loss in a war-torn environment, where the sound of gunfire is a grim reminder of the constant threat to life and the pervasive grief of families torn apart.

“One day, our apartment trembled with a deep roaring sound that became louder and louder, penetrating my bones. I looked out the window and saw a tank moving down the street. It terrified me; I never knew that tanks were so loud and monstrous.”

Nemat vividly recounts the experience of encountering a tank for the first time, emphasizing the sensory and emotional impact of the event. The description of the “deep roaring sound” that shakes the apartment and “penetrates” her bones conveys the physical and psychological intrusion of war into her personal space. Her observation of the tank as “loud and monstrous” underscores the fear and realization of the destructive power and threat it represents. This moment encapsulates the intrusion of military conflict into everyday life, revealing the stark reality of living in a war zone and the loss of normalcy and safety, which are central themes in the narrative.

“A Marxist friend of mine told me that the Mojahedin were Marxists who had gone astray and believed in God and Islam. They were Muslim socialists who believed Islam could lead Iran to social justice and free it from Westernization. They had become organized and armed in the sixties and had fought to overthrow the shah. However, they were not Khomeini’s followers; years before Ayatollah Khomeini became well known, they had already led many protests against the shah, and their members, who were mostly university students, were tortured and executed in Evin. The fact that they were an Islamic group was reason enough for me to decide I could not belong with them.”

Nemat explores the ideological dynamics of Iran before and during the Islamic Revolution, focusing on the Mojahedin. Their early and active opposition to the Shah and subsequent persecution highlight their significant role in the political upheaval of the time. This passage reveals the complexity of political and ideological factions in Iran’s revolutionary context and underscores Nemat’s navigation through these turbulent ideologies, reflecting the broader narrative’s themes of political identity, resistance, and personal conviction.

“I tried not to think of happiness, of the way things used to be before the revolution, before terrible things happened, as if recalling the bright memories would make them fade like old pictures that are handled too many times. But sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would breathe in the fragrance of wild lemon trees and hear the rustling of their thick leaves in the clean, salty sea breeze. I would feel the warm waves of the Caspian swirling around my feet and the sticky, wet sand covering my toes.”

Nemat grapples with the pain of nostalgia amidst the turmoil, fearing that revisiting cherished memories will cause them to lose their luster. The involuntary recollection of sensory details from her past life, like the fragrance of wild lemon trees and the sensation of the Caspian Sea, brings a bittersweet comfort. This contrast between the harsh present and the idyllic past underscores the theme of loss and the enduring impact of memory, which captures the struggle between preserving the sanctity of happier times and facing the bleakness of current realities.

“The Iran-Iraq war began in September 1980. I was back in the city. I had gone to a friend’s house, and we were sitting in her kitchen, having tea and rice cookies. She was showing me her new pair of Puma running shoes, which were white with red stripes on either side. Suddenly two deep booms interrupted our talk. They sounded like explosions. We were home alone.”

Nemat recounts the stark intrusion of war into ordinary life, marking the beginning of the Iran-Iraq war in 1980. The contrast between the mundane, peaceful activity of sharing tea and cookies and the sudden, jarring explosions underscores the abruptness with which conflict disrupts daily life. The specific mention of her friend’s Puma shoes adds a layer of normalcy and detail right before their world is violently shaken, which emphasizes the shock and fear of experiencing war firsthand and highlights the theme of the fragility of ordinary life in times of conflict.

“At Ferdosi Square, holding a loudspeaker in front of her mouth, a young woman told the crowd about the violent attacks of the Hezbollah on women: ‘How long are we going to allow criminals and murderers hiding behind the name of God to attack our mothers, sisters, and friends and get away with it?’ she asked.”

Nemat captures a moment of public protest and defiance, where a young woman challenges the actions of the Hezbollah, criticizing their violent attacks on women under the guise of religious authority. The scene at Ferdosi Square, with the woman using a loudspeaker to address the crowd, symbolizes a call to action and resistance against oppression and injustice. Her question to the crowd underscores the frustration and demand for accountability, which reflects broader themes of activism, gender rights, and the struggle against the misuse of religious power to justify violence.

“With Taraneh’s bags in my arms, I stood in the middle of the room for a long time until my legs gave out. All day, not a word was said. We preserved the silence as if it were capable of preserving life, of performing a miracle. We waited, prayed, and cried silently, our lips moving without a sound. But the day came to a silent end and the horizon filled with reds and purples and the night crawled into the air. We listened for gunshots, and soon they came, as if glass clouds were falling from the sky.”

Nemat encapsulates her and her fellow prisoners’ emotional turmoil and futile hope as they face Taraneh’s impending death sentence. The act of holding Taraneh’s bags symbolizes the burden of impending loss and helplessness felt by Nemat. The silence everyone preserved underscores their desperate prayer for a miracle, juxtaposed against the inevitable tragedy indicated by the imagery of gunshots and falling glass clouds.

“‘I want you to marry me, Marina, and I promise to be a good husband and to take good care of you. Don’t answer me now. I want you to think about it,’ he said I tried to understand all I had just heard, but I couldn’t. It didn’t make any sense. How could he even think of marrying me? I didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t even want to be in the same room with him.”

Nemat recounts a proposal from Ali, the prison guard. Her confusion and disbelief reflect the power dynamics, and lack of agency she faces under oppressive circumstances. This moment sheds light on the broader themes of coercion, loss of autonomy, and the challenges of navigating personal desires amid external pressures, which speak to the theme of The Challenges Faced by Women Under Authoritarian Regime.

“Sarah called me one day in November 1981 and told me she had to see me right away. Her voice was shaking, but she wouldn’t tell me more on the phone. I ran to her house to find her waiting for me at the door. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. She told me that two days earlier, revolutionary guards had gone to Gita’s house to arrest her, but she had not been home, so they had arrested her mother and two sisters and had told her father that if Gita didn’t give herself up in a week, one of her sisters would be executed.”

This excerpt portrays a harrowing situation where Sarah reveals to Nemat the arrest of their friend Gita’s family members as a form of leverage to capture Gita. This moment highlights the pervasive fear and danger faced by individuals and their families under oppressive regimes, which reinforces the story’s exploration of survival, sacrifice, and resilience in the face of extreme adversity.

“Mr. Moosavi said I was a smart girl and much more mature than my age. He told me that I had been an enemy of God and of the Islamic government, and I had deserved to die, but Ali had intervened because he believed I could learn from my mistakes and change. Mr. Moosavi hoped that I realized that the person I had been before Evin was dead. He said I would soon begin a new life as a Muslim, and my conversion would wash away my sins.”

Nemat recalls how Mr. Moosavi manipulatively used flattery and coercion to pressure her into conforming to his ideological beliefs. By framing her past actions as deserving of death and her conversion as a fresh start, he attempted to strip her of her identity and autonomy. This scene reveals the oppressive tactics those in power use to control individuals’ beliefs and behaviors, highlighting themes of manipulation, coercion, and the struggle for personal agency within oppressive systems.

“‘Tomorrow is the day of your retrial,’ he said. This made me feel neither happy nor excited. I knew that even if I was acquitted, it wouldn’t change much; I was married to Ali and I had to stay with him forever.”

Nemat expresses a sense of resignation and lack of hope despite the prospect of a retrial. Her acknowledgment that being acquitted wouldn’t change her situation, as she’s already married to Ali and feels bound to him, reflects the constraints and limitations imposed upon her. This passage underscores themes of entrapment, powerlessness, and the harsh realities faced by individuals under oppressive circumstances.

“I had lost friends and loved ones before, but Ali didn’t fit with them. He was unlike anyone else I had ever known. I couldn’t change what he had done to me or what had happened between us. He died when he had begun to pull away from the person he had been. So many innocents had lost their lives behind the walls of Evin and were buried in unmarked graves, and Ali was accountable for the terrible things that had happened there.”

Nemat reflects on Ali’s death, expressing a complex mix of emotions. Despite losing friends and loved ones before, Ali’s death stands out as a unique and conflicted experience for Nemat; Nemat hints at their complex relationship, which defies easy categorization. Nemat grapples with conflicting feelings of connection and accountability, acknowledging the harm he caused while also recognizing his struggles. This passage adds depth to the narrative’s exploration of trauma, responsibility, and the complexities of human relationships within oppressive environments like Evin prison.

“Andre came in, stood behind me, and put his hands on my shoulders. I could feel the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body. ‘I was ready for you to come home with a baby in your arms, and I would have loved you just the same,’ he said. ‘Nothing would have changed for me.’ I didn’t move. He had no way of knowing about the baby, but he had said what I needed to hear the most.”

Nemat portrays a moment of emotional support and understanding from Andre and discusses how Andre’s words provided her comfort and reassurance, which highlights the importance of emotional connection in the face of adversity. This moment also hints at the complexities of relationships and the power of empathy to provide solace during challenging times.