Play It As It Lays

Maria thinks about things she would never do. Most of those things involve putting herself in dangerous situations, such as walking “through the Sands or Caesar’s alone after midnight” (136). 

Carter visits Maria to tell her that he is going to Cannes. After he leaves, Maria imagines the family that she, Carter, and Kate might have been: “The images would flash at Maria like slides in a dark room. On film they might have seemed a family” (137). 

Freddy is not available for an appointment, so Maria talks to a younger agent in the parking lot about a role Freddy has landed for Maria. Maria thinks the director wants her for the lead role, but the agent informs her that it was for the part of the high school teacher.

Maria hurries to her car and drives away, sobbing: “She had deliberately not counted the months but she must have been counting them unawares […] because this was the day, the day the baby would have been born” (141). 

Maria flashes back to a conversation she once had with Ivan, who told her he did not want to work at having a relationship or a family. When Maria told him later that if she had gotten pregnant, she would at least have a baby, he said, “No you wouldn’t” (142), implying that he does not think she could raise a child on her own.

Maria leaves the hypnotist’s office and tells him that she is not coming back. He says that her “failure […] doesn’t prove anything” (143), referring to her inability to access her past. After Maria leaves, she drives to a club and calls Ivan.

Ivan is drunk when he answers the phone, and their conversation devolves into an argument. Maria realizes that he cannot be a source of emotional support. The next day, instead of calling Ivan back, she calls Larry. 

To meet Larry, Maria goes to the Flamingo in Las Vegas, the same place she had dinner with her parents and Benny before she returned to New York. Unexpectedly, Maria runs into Benny, who orders them Cuba Libres, his signature drink. Maria flees from the meeting, unable to reconcile the reminder of her innocent past with her shameful present. 

Maria feels badly about leaving Benny and calls him from Larry’s hotel room, telling him she was ill. She tells Benny to call her next time he is in Los Angeles, which she knows will be never. When a comedian in Larry’s room asks if Maria is “new talent,” Larry answers, “‘She’s not talent’” (151).

In May, Maria finds herself at a party with an actor she does not know. He mistakenly introduces her as “Myra” to his friends, and she realizes that she likes the anonymity. He pressures her into having sex with him, and that night, still high and wearing “the silver vinyl dress she bought to make herself feel better” (152), Maria takes the actor’s Ferrari and drives to Tonopah, Nevada, to visit her parents’ graves, though she realizes later that they are buried in what used to be Silver Wells. Cops pull her over for speeding and discover the car has been reported stolen.