Phaedrus

Phaedrus reads Lysias’s speech, which is written in the voice of a “non-lover.”The speaker implores his reader not to think less of him simply because he is physically attracted to him and not emotionally “in love.” Lovers who are emotionally engaged with each other often find that their feelings change, but such a reversal is not possible when a couple are not “in love” with each other. Since emotional love makes lovers do things that may be unwise when looked at rationally, a man not in love will make decisions much more reasonable and well-considered. He can weigh the time and money he spends on his partner against what the relationship is actually worth, whereas a man “in love” will spend beyond his means, or waste much of his time, on a partner with whom he is emotionally involved: “Nothing remains for [a non-lover] but to do cheerfully whatever they think will give their partners pleasure” (27).

Furthermore, old loves and new loves will come into conflict with each other. If one professes to love his current partner so much that other things do not matter, and then a second partner comes along and takes the place of the first, it can be concluded that the lover was wrong to make such claims about his partner in the first place. Emotional love, therefore, has made him unreasonable, and the promises and vows he makes while in love cannot be trusted.

Those in love must fear being replaced by another lover for any number of reasons: others are more educated or wealthier than themselves, but those not in love,who have succeeded in winning their partner’s affection on their own merits, won’t be easily replaced. That is, basing a relationship on irrational and emotional “love” is far inferior to being attracted to someone based on who they actually are.

Lysias’s speech continues: when you begin a relationship with someone who is attracted to you but not “under the dominion of love”—that is, someone who is looking out for him- or herself—you are guaranteed an enjoyable relationship, since both partners will be seeking their own self-interest. It is in the best interest of the partners not to become angry without good reason, not to allow small things to bother them, and not to be provoked by each other. One should not favor a lover who is very insistent, Lysias writes, but rather one who is most able to return affection. One should look for partners who will remain friends for life. This long-term commitment can only come from a non-lover who makes decisions rationally and will not find, once his passions has dissipated, that he no longer wishes to be with his partner.