On My Honor

Joel is the main character in the novel. Like his friend Tony, he just finished sixth grade and will be entering junior high next year. Joel is scrupulous, conscientious, reflective, and prone to worrying. He looks up to the authority figures in his life, especially his father, and wants to please and impress his parents by obeying them and keeping his honorable reputation intact. Joel is generally patient and desires harmony, but he fights with Tony when Tony makes fun of him and his father. However, he is repeatedly convinced by Tony to do things he isn’t comfortable doing. Because of his more cautious nature, he frequently feels “somehow older than Tony” (26).

When Tony drowns in the Vermillion River, Joel moves through various stages of grief, and he blames himself for Tony’s death. Compounding his guilt is the fact that Joel promised his father he and Tony would only go to the state park. The author presents additional insight into Joel’s character when Joel struggles to confabulate a story that he can tell everyone. He bears the entire burden of responsibility initially, not realizing that he does not have to carry it alone. In his darkest moments he avoids others and wishes to be left alone rather than face the shame of not being able to save Tony from drowning. He equates his identity with his honor, and he is in turmoil because he feels breaking his promise to his dad “proved what his honor was worth, what he was worth” (44).

Joel finally breaks down and tells the truth when the police ask him about the circumstances of Tony’s death. With his confession comes a sense of relief: Joel no longer needs to keep his feelings to himself. At the story’s end, Joel shares his thoughts of guilt and grief with his father, and he asks questions about heaven and the afterlife, revealing how much this tragedy has changed him.