Nothing Like the Movies

“I, on the other hand, was a twenty-year-old freshman with a lot to prove. Because two years ago, I’d had everything. Then I lost it all. So now that I had a second chance to grab on to that everything, you could bet your ass I wasn’t casually reaching. No, sir, I was greedily grabbing with both hands and never letting go.”

The formal presentation of these lines highlights Wes’s determination and drive. Each of these lines appears on the page as a single-sentence paragraph. This style captures how Wes is thinking about his life in the present and the way that running helps him organize his thoughts and focus. This passage also conveys Wes’s desire to change and heal upon his return to UCLA.

“It truly felt like a road map to my dreams. I’m smiling again, I realized as I stopped at the corner to wait on the light. I was smiling like a damn fool, jogging in place, but it was impossible not to. Because this year was about to be everything.”

The use of repetition, fragmentation, italics, and expletives in this passage captures Liz’s positive state of mind. She is marveling at her hopeful outlook, evidenced by her “smiling like a damn fool.” Her running experience augments this mindset.

“Dear God, it was Wes. Wes Bennett in my apartment. I was instantly lightheaded as I tried to process his presence, the power of Wes-in-the-flesh overwhelming after two years of watered-down, diluted memories. I think I’m going to faint. This was impossible. How was he there? Why was he there? Was he visiting someone? This can’t be happening.”

Liz’s emotional response to seeing Wes foreshadows how the characters’ relationship will evolve. Liz is not only surprised to see Wes back on campus but also immediately overcome by her attraction to him, feeling lightheaded and like she will faint. She juxtaposes the overwhelming “power of Wes-in-the-flesh” with “two years of watered-down, diluted memories,” demonstrating how seeing him exacerbates her otherwise weak feelings for him. The descriptive language highlights her unacknowledged desire to be with Wes.

“I definitely can’t juggle it all. Maybe I can, though […] I have no idea! My anxiety-riddled brain was running wild, but when I looked at Lilith, at this inspiring woman who was all over everything, I realized that I could be too. I mean, of course I could. Because I wasn’t Little Liz anymore.”

Liz’s internal monologue underscores her self-reflection and desire to change, grow, and mature. She wants to believe that she can prove herself in the vocational and academic spheres, particularly to Lilith. Lilith’s description as a “woman who [i]s all over everything” contrasts with Liz’s “anxiety-riddled brain.” Liz questions her ability to prove herself because she’s still experiencing Personal Growth and Coming-of-Age Journeys. However, her assertion that she is no longer “Little Liz” emphasizes her growing trust in her skills.

“I heard his voice with every bullpen I threw. Occasionally I heard him when I was doing well, but mostly he spoke to me when I was struggling. Which really messed with my ability to power through because even though his voice was saying things like throw ’em the gas and basically growling about how crappy I was pitching, it made me miss him. So much. Which was nuts, right? How did it make me miss him when it reminded me of what a psycho he’d been about baseball?”

Wes’s use of colloquial language characterizes his internal monologue. He’s physically located on the baseball diamond, but his thoughts are transporting him elsewhere. He’s addressing and asking himself questions because he’s trying to understand his fraught feelings about his dad years after his passing. His dialogue reveals his complicated feelings toward his father, evidenced by describing him as “basically growling about how crappy” he is pitching and how much of “a psycho he’d been about baseball.” Despite his father’s harshness, he still misses him deeply.

“I felt like I’d been punched in the chest as I read it again. Life, loss, and carrying on? Was this Lilith person serious? She wanted me to dive into my really beautiful story? I wanted to rage as I stared at my computer screen. I could accept the privacy invasion for something that the entire team was being subjected to, but if she thought I was going to include my dad’s death in my intro to bump up her ratings, she had another thing coming. The nerve of this stranger.”

Wes’s incensed response to Lilith’s interview invitation reveals Wes’s fear of healing and forgiving himself. He wants to believe that ignoring his lingering guilt and grief will free him from it. However, as soon as Lilith asks Wes to articulate his experience, Wes shuts down. The simile of feeling “like [he]’d been punched in the chest” emphasizes its destabilizing, visceral effect on Wes. Shutting down is his self-defense mechanism. This quote foreshadows the steps he’ll have to take to overcome his past on his Journey Toward Healing and Forgiveness.

“When I wasn’t near him, I was able to think very adulty about the whole thing. Last night I lay in bed thinking things like, it’s been two years, that was a long time ago, and he doesn’t matter to me anymore. We were in the past, and he was simply someone I used to know. But for some reason, the second he appeared in a room, those thoughts left my head. They disappeared, and all I was left with was the confusing way it felt like I still hated him.”

Liz’s self-reflective thoughts demonstrate her desire to make sense of her feelings for Wes. She is asking herself questions, listing her thoughts, and trying to name her emotions. These facets of her internal experience are key aspects of her coming-of-age journey.

“Because somehow, it felt like I’d made progress with Liz that day. She still wasn’t happy I was there, but it felt like the ice between us had melted just the tiniest bit. It made the idea of something between us seem possible. I felt hopeful.”

Wes uses figurative language and similes to describe his emotions. He compares his and Liz’s intro video interaction to melting ice. This image conveys Wes’s desire to grow closer to Liz and reconcile their differences. The declarative line at the passage’s end also underscores Wes’s determination and positivity.

“Liz. Tried. To. Help. Me. Me. I kind of didn’t know what to do with that, especially when her boyfriend had been the one to bring me the note, but I’d take it. Because something about knowing she cared that I was struggling felt important. Not for her and me in regard to our past or future, but for me. I’d struggled alone through a lot since my dad died, and it felt good to know she was still there.”

Wes’s use of fragmentation and italics shows his shock, surprise, and gratitude when Liz decides to help him. This is also one of the first moments in which Wes alludes to his fraught experiences over the past two years. This gesture to his past is a sign of progress and growth for Wes’s character, as he acknowledges that he has struggled alone since his father’s death.

“It was an interesting situation to be sitting across from your ex and allowed to stare at the details of them. Wes had changed, but it was impossible to put my finger on a specific thing. He’d just become the man version of the boy that he’d been. It was like everything had been photoshopped to be slightly bigger, slightly harder.”

Liz’s observations of Wes convey her desire to understand how his personal growth journey relates to her own. She’s studying his appearance and manner, which grants her insight into his interiority. The linguistic stylings also demonstrate her search for understanding, including phrases like “put my finger on” and “photoshopped to be slightly bigger, slightly harder.”

“Two coaches, begrudgingly letting me throw even though it was obvious they weren’t considering me. Lots of hushed conversation and awkward tension. Ross shaking his head when he saw me. An obnoxious little sister, loudly cheering me on from the empty stands. A slight anxiety attack as I took the mound and got ready to throw the first pitch. And then—perfection. Strike after strike after strike. More coaches watching, one with the gun. Ross grinning. More strikes, faster pitches. Ridiculous changeups. Badass breaking balls. It’d been better than the movies, I swear to God.”

Wes’s use of fragmentation in this passage captures the intense emotional experience of trying out for the Bruins again and getting back onto the team. This stylistic choice highlights the momentum of the recollected scene and the way Wes feels about the experience in retrospect.

“He hadn’t been able to trust me—was that it? He’d felt like he couldn’t tell me that his world had collapsed? I remembered him celebrating my tiny school victories via FaceTime, seeming excited when I shared little anecdotes from my music classes; was that a factor? Had I made him embarrassed? Had I been too obtuse? Should I have known?”

Liz’s use of questions emphasizes her search for understanding as to why Wes didn’t confide in her while he was struggling with grief. She emphasizes the significant impact that his father’s death had on Wes, evidenced by the metaphor “his world had collapsed.” She is just starting to learn more about Wes’s life after his dad’s death and trying to process the significance of these revelations. The string of questions affects a harried, worried tone as she wonders which of her actions could have played a role.

“I’d never intended to stay away for nearly two years, but I always just kind of found something else to do every time there was a break. But now I was going home. To his house. With him. Is this really happening?”

Liz’s use of italics, fragmentation, and questions conveys her attempt to process her journey home. The linguistic style and affected tone foreshadow how this visit to Omaha will impact Liz emotionally and contribute to her Journey Toward Healing and Forgiveness.

“I also knew there was something about listening to a game there that made me feel closer to my dad. But whenever I allowed myself to feel closer, to let all the memories rush in, the voice in my head whispered the reminder that always made me want to run and hide. You’re responsible. Because I was. It was just a fact.”

Wes’s thoughts about his dad convey his fear of facing the past. He wants to remember his dad but also worries that these memories will cloud his positive emotions and distract him from the future. He feels guilty, shown by the inner thought “You’re responsible,” and conveys its negative impact, evidenced by “always made me want to run and hide.” The passage foreshadows the steps that Wes still has to take along his Journey Toward Healing and Forgiveness.

“It was now the setting for a heartbreaking plot twist. How was it possible? My mind was racing through memories, comparing what I had with what I now knew. The silly, lighthearted Wes who’d FaceTimed me every night back then had been going through that? And it was tough to decide what the worst part of the story was. Was it Wes thinking he was responsible for his dead’s death, that his harsh words had literally killed his father, or Wes having the weight of the world resting on his eighteen-year-old shoulders?”

The linguistic presentation of these lines highlights Liz’s concern and surprise. She is trying to reconcile her revelations about Wes’s reality with her former beliefs about his life. The author uses juxtaposition to emphasize the emotional depth of the revelation. Liz contrasts the “silly, lighthearted Wes” with the dark reality of his past pain: feeling “his harsh words had literally killed his father.” The use of rhetorical questions and italics enhances the internal conflict she feels, showing her previous struggle to comprehend the extreme guilt and responsibility that Wes carries. The phrase “the weight of the world resting on his […] shoulders” is a metaphor that further conveys the immense, overwhelming pressure that Wes faced at the time, something Liz is just now starting to understand.

“Because it meant she hadn’t moved on. She wasn’t over us at all. Something that felt a hell of a lot like hope was buzzing through me as I looked up at those stars and pictured her face when she’d yelled, I don’t know how to be in the shoes of God, Wes! Because instead of the measured looks I’d gotten used to from her, where it felt like her feelings were locked up tight, she’d looked at me with flushed cheeks and flashing green eyes, as if she was engulfed in the white-hot flames of her blazing anger. Toward me.”

Wes’s use of figurative language conveys the intensity of his emotions. He uses words and phrases like “buzzing,” “stars,” “locked up tight,” “flushed cheeks,” “flashing green eyes,” “engulfed in the white-hot flames,” and “blazing anger.” This diction emphasizes Wes’s physiological experience because it affects notions of heat and movement.

“I was still driving myself crazy with this emotional loop when I finally went to sleep, but I felt better about everything in the morning, thank God. My dad’s simple statement changed my entire outlook, because he was right. I didn’t have to understand my feelings about Wes. Technically, they didn’t even matter.”

Liz’s self-reflective capacities lead her character to change. She is still processing her recent emotional experiences. However, reflecting on her recent conversations allows her to achieve a more peaceful state of mind. This internal monologue thus illustrates the theme of Personal Growth and Coming-of-Age Journeys.

“I was in a crap mood for the rest of the night after my plan imploded, but I realized as the guys mocked me incessantly for being a lovesick pussy that it was nice to fail with friends. After a couple of years of being alone while also being proverbially pressure-washed by life, it sucked a little less when you had friends to mock you for it.”

Wes’s reflections on his failed romantic gesture further the novel’s explorations of Balancing Expectations and Reality. Wes has convinced himself that if he can satisfy Liz’s romantic expectations, he can create the reality he wants. The failed gesture proves otherwise and compels him toward change. Wes uses the metaphor of “pressure-washed by life” to describe his situation. His friends mocking him adds further reprieve, as their actions ensure that it “suck[s] a little less.” This allows Wes to integrate some levity into his hurt feelings.

“But he goes, ‘Here’s the thing about kids, lady. They’re stupid with words. They say shit all the time that they don’t mean. They’re wrong, or they’re being emotional little shits—basically you have to understand that what they say isn’t what they mean. […] He basically mansplained to me that our kids love us even when they act like little assholes, and then he informed me they’re going to grow out of it and take it all back once they stop being stupid.”

Wes’s conversation with Helena helps him reconcile with his dad’s death. Helena speaks to Wes in a casual, conversational manner, using phrases like “emotional little shits” and “basically mansplained to me.”  In doing so, she appeals to Wes emotionally and helps usher him toward internal change.

“Time shifted, because everything went slow motion at first as I felt her hands on me, as my mouth met those slick lips. Every nerve ending in my body crackled, every hair stood on end, as the awareness of Liz overwhelmed my senses. And then it detonated. And sped out of control.”

Wes’s use of figurative and descriptive language depicts the physiological intensity of kissing Liz again. Words like “slick,” “nerve,” “crackled,” “overwhelmed,” “detonated,” and “sped” vividly describe the physical sensations that Wes is experiencing. Describing the encounter as shifting time further emphasizes its altering effect and Wes’s strong feelings toward Liz.

“It wasn’t, and I suspected she wasn’t. But why? Did she hate La La Land now? God, she used to love that movie, even though it made her cry every time. I hate knowing her like I used to. I was fascinated by the person she’d become, but tonight felt like one of those times when I needed to nail the correct answers.”

Wes’s internal monologue on his date with Liz conveys his desire to understand her. The juxtaposition of the past (“used to love that movie”) with the present (“I hate knowing her like I used to”) underscores the tension between nostalgia and the current reality. The rhetorical question “Did she hate La La Land now?” reveals Wes’s emotional uncertainty, and the metaphor “nail the correct answers” emphasizes his desire to understand their evolving dynamic, like it is a test. This passage exemplifies Wes’s internal growth and further develops the theme of Balancing Expectations and Reality.

“‘Do you know how many 12:13s I’ve watched pass without you? Tonight it’ll be the seven hundred and twentieth,’ I said, the words burning my throat. ‘The last thing in the world I want is to say something that makes that number infinite, but I also can’t let you erase our history. I don’t want to remember the bad parts, but I refuse to forget the good.’”

Wes’s direct use of language conveys his desire to be honest and open with Liz. He does not disguise what he’s feeling. His simple syntax and diction highlight his sincerity and desire for understanding. The reference to “12:13s” not only acknowledges their first kiss but also underscores lost time, emphasizing the passage of so many moments without Liz and heightening his sense of regret. The juxtaposition of “I don’t want to remember the bad parts” with “refuse to forget the good” highlights the internal struggle that Wes feels to reconcile loss with the desire to preserve cherished memories. The phrase “burning my throat” uses imagery to intensify the emotional weight of what Wes is saying.

“Please sit up, Wes. God, please, sit up. The seconds ticked by like hours as the only boy I’d ever loved lay on his side in the middle of the baseball field. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to shout the words I should’ve already said so badly as I gripped the net and waited to see any sign that he was going to be fine. I needed to see his face, to see his smile, because my brain was only showing me the unhappy look we’d exchanged a few minutes ago. There will never be anyone for me but you, Wes, so you need to be okay.”

Liz’s use of italics, repetition, and fragmentation shows the intensity of her emotional and physiological experience. Describing seconds passing like hours underscores how long and painful it feels watching Wes’s injury. Her worry over Wes’s safety coincides with her revelation that she loves Wes. The narrative style and form underscore these intense intersecting emotions.