No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model

“Unburdening is another aspect of IFS that seems spiritual, because as soon as the burdens leave parts’ bodies, parts immediately transform into their original, valuable states. It’s as if a curse was lifted from an inner Sleeping Beauty, or ogre, or addict. The newly unburdened part almost universally says it feels much lighter and wants to play or rest, after which it finds a new role.”

Schwartz elucidates the transformative process of “unburdening” in IFS, highlighting its seemingly spiritual nature. The italicized term emphasizes its significance within the therapy. Schwartz uses metaphors drawn from fairy tales to illustrate the dramatic shift that occurs during unburdening. The allusion to lifting a curse evokes the theme of The Connection Between IFS and Spirituality, suggesting a near-miraculous transformation. The description of parts feeling “lighter” and wanting to “play or rest” conveys a sense of liberation and return to a natural, unburdened state. The idea that parts find “new roles” after unburdening reinforces the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good, implying that all parts have innate value and can contribute positively once freed from their burdens.

“In ancient times, when there was a solar eclipse and it suddenly got dark because the moon blocked the sun, people would panic, believing the sun had disappeared. Like the sun, the Self can be temporarily obscured, but it never disappears.”

This metaphor illustrates the enduring nature of the Self in IFS theory. Schwartz compares the Self to the sun during an eclipse, emphasizing that even when parts obscure the Self, it remains present and unchanged. This analogy conveys the concept of temporary blending while reinforcing the idea that the Self is a constant, positive force. The comparison to ancient beliefs adds a touch of historical context, making the concept more relatable and memorable.

“Also, whereas some traditions teach that you have to build up the muscle of compassion with specific practices, with IFS, the Self is already buff with compassion. It merely needs to be released, not strengthened.”

Schwartz distinguishes IFS from other spiritual practices. He uses the metaphor of muscle building to contrast IFS with traditions that view compassion as a skill to be developed. The informal term “buff” adds a bit of humor while emphasizing the inherent strength of the Self’s compassion. This perspective aligns with the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good, suggesting that compassion is an innate quality of the Self that simply needs to be uncovered rather than cultivated.

“As I’ll note repeatedly, neither parts nor people are inherently flawed or destructive. We all have these parts. And they’re all valuable until they become burdened and are forced into distorted roles by what happened early in our life. IFS begins a process that allows them to totally transform back into their naturally valuable states.”

This quote encapsulates a core principle of IFS theory. Schwartz asserts the inherent value of all parts. He introduces the concept of parts becoming burdened and distorted due to early life experiences, framing these distortions as temporary rather than permanent. The quote emphasizes the transformative potential of IFS and strongly reinforces the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good, presenting a hopeful and non-pathologizing view of human psychology.

“When we blend with burdened parts, we lose all sense of this connectedness and feel separate from one another and from spirit—alone and lonely. Here is another parallel between inner and outer systems. After they are burdened, our parts feel lonely and disconnected from one another and from our Self. They don’t realize they are all affected by what happens to each other and are loved by Self. Neither do we.”

This quote highlights the theme of The Connection Between IFS and Spirituality by drawing a parallel between internal psychological states and spiritual experiences. Schwartz uses the concept of “blending” with burdened parts to explain how individuals can feel disconnected from others and from a higher spiritual power. Mentioning this “parallel between inner and outer systems” also evokes the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale. The repetition of “disconnected” emphasizes the central idea of separation, both internally and externally. This quote additionally touches on the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good by suggesting that all parts are “loved by Self,” implying an inherent worth and interconnectedness within the psyche.

“At first, this was mind-blowing! Parts having parts? But after I calmed down, it made a kind of aesthetic or spiritual sense that we would have parallel or isomorphic (same form) systems at every level. It’s like those Russian stacking dolls—similar systems embedded within bigger systems. Another analogy would be fractals. While it was disconcerting at first, there’s something beautiful about this nested, parallel systems phenomenon for me, although I don’t know how far it goes. I’ve actually worked with subparts of a part and came to find that it had parts too.”

This quote exemplifies the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale. Schwartz uses an excited, almost conversational tone to convey his discovery of nested systems within the human psyche. The author employs accessible analogies like Russian stacking dolls and fractals to help readers grasp this complex concept. These comparisons serve to illustrate the idea of similarity across different scales of psychological organization. The progression from “mind-blowing” to “disconcerting” to “beautiful” reflects a journey of understanding and acceptance of this nested-systems concept. Schwartz’s admission of not knowing “how far it goes” adds a touch of humility and ongoing curiosity to his theoretical framework.

“Getting back to connecting the dots, what if each of us and each of our parts contains a piece of SELF that longs to reconnect with itself? What if, by helping parts unburden and trust our Self so that we feel our connectedness to other people, to the planet, and to SELF, we are serving this larger project of divine reconnection? I think this is what IFS offers spiritual seekers. Our enlightenment is much brighter and more sustained if all of us is involved and we don’t treat the ego as this bad part we have to leave behind in the dust on the way to attaining that enlightenment. Our parts long for connection to our Self—just as much as we long to connect to SELF.”

Schwartz evokes the theme of The Connection Between IFS and Spirituality by proposing a connection between psychological healing and spiritual enlightenment. He uses rhetorical questions to introduce the idea of a universal Self: a SELF, which he implies is a higher power. The repetition of “SELF” in all capitals emphasizes its significance and distinguishes it from the individual Self. The author draws a parallel between psychological “unburdening” and spiritual reconnection, suggesting that IFS therapy can serve a higher purpose beyond mere symptom relief. Schwartz challenges traditional spiritual practices that may reject certain aspects of the psyche, advocating instead for a more inclusive approach to enlightenment. This perspective also touches on the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good, as it implies that all parts of the psyche, including the ego, have value in the journey toward wholeness.

“Reading Gregory Bateson and other systems theorists produced an epiphany that led me to become a family therapist and later to develop IFS. The big insight was that giving a troubled person a psychiatric diagnosis and seeing that as the sole or main cause of their symptoms was unnecessarily limiting, pathologizing, and could become self-reinforcing. When you tell a person they are sick and ignore the larger context in which their symptoms make sense, not only do you miss leverage points that could lead to transformation, but you also produce a passive patient who feels defective.”

This quote illustrates Schwartz’s intellectual journey and the foundation of his IFS approach. It critiques traditional psychiatric practices, emphasizing the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale. Schwartz argues that focusing solely on diagnoses without considering the broader context of a person’s life can be counterproductive. The use of the word “epiphany” underscores the transformative nature of this realization. By highlighting the potential for self-reinforcing negative outcomes, Schwartz introduces the concept of feedback loops, a key element in systems thinking. The quote also touches on the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good by implying that labeling someone as “sick” or “defective” is harmful and limiting.

“Larger systems are no different. The structures of corporations and countries will usually remain the same despite their dysfunctions and symptoms unless they experience a change in their basic beliefs—their paradigmatic operating systems. In the US, we’d much rather rearrange the deck chairs (taxes, environmental and immigration policy, etc.) on our national Titanic than reevaluate the underlying beliefs (for example, unlimited growth) that drive us all.”

This quote exemplifies the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale by extending the principles of IFS to larger societal structures. Schwartz uses the metaphor of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic to illustrate the futility of addressing surface-level issues without examining fundamental beliefs. This imagery conveys the urgency of addressing root causes rather than symptoms. The reference to “paradigmatic operating systems” emphasizes the deep-seated nature of these beliefs and their pervasive influence on societal structures. By mentioning specific examples like taxes and environmental policy, Schwartz grounds his abstract concepts in concrete, relatable terms.

“This veneer theory of controlling the primitive can be applied not only to impulses but also to people. One theme of this book is that how we think about and relate to the inhabitants of our inner worlds translates directly to how we think about and relate to people. If we live in fear of and strive to control certain parts of us, we will do the same to people who resemble those parts.”

Schwartz expresses a central tenet of his philosophy, connecting individual psychology to broader social dynamics. It addresses the themes of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good and Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale. Schwartz challenges the “veneer theory,” which posits that civilization is a thin layer controlling humans’ primitive instincts. By drawing a parallel between internal and external relationships, he illustrates how personal growth and societal change are interconnected. The use of the word “inhabitants” to describe internal parts personifies them, reinforcing the IFS model’s view of the psyche as a system of distinct entities. This quote demonstrates how individual healing can contribute to broader social transformation by changing how people relate to themselves and others.

“I’ve had clients who, when their exiles took over, couldn’t get out of bed for a week. This is why we try our best to lock these parts away, thinking that we are simply moving on from bad memories, sensations, and emotions—not realizing that we are disconnecting from our most precious resources just because they got hurt. This is because we are imbued with the mono-mind paradigm that doesn’t allow for the idea of hurt parts that can be healed, not to mention our American rugged individualism that says when you get hurt, the best course of action is to pick yourself up and move on.”

Schwartz challenges conventional approaches to dealing with emotional pain. By using the image of clients unable to get out of bed, he illustrates the overwhelming power of exiled parts. The author employs a contrast between the common belief of “moving on” and the reality of disconnecting from valuable inner resources. This juxtaposition highlights the unintended consequences of suppressing painful experiences. Schwartz critiques two cultural paradigms: the “mono-mind” perspective, which fails to recognize the multiplicity of the psyche, and American rugged individualism, which promotes a stoic response to pain. These cultural critiques serve to explain why people might instinctively “lock away” their hurt parts. The quote touches on the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good by suggesting that even painful parts are “precious resources” rather than flaws to be eliminated.

“Managers are parentified inner children. They are usually very tired and stressed out. They’re trying to keep the world safe for our exiles while at the same time keeping our exiles contained. They also have the ability to numb our bodies so we don’t feel so much, because if you don’t feel, then you don’t get triggered. Managers are working all the time—some of them never sleep.”

Schwartz uses the phrase “parentified inner children” to describe manager parts, evoking an image of young, overburdened caretakers. This image communicates the idea that these parts are taking on responsibilities beyond their capacity. The author’s depiction of managers as “tired and stressed out” and “working all the time” emphasizes the relentless nature of their protective efforts. Schwartz outlines the dual role of managers: safeguarding exiles from the external world while also containing them internally. The mention of numbing bodily sensations introduces the concept of dissociation as a protective mechanism. The phrase “if you don’t feel, then you don’t get triggered” succinctly explains the logic behind this numbing strategy. This quote relates to the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale by illustrating how different parts of the psyche interact in a complex, interdependent system to maintain a sense of safety and balance.

“When you show them that they don’t need to protect their exiles anymore, protectors will sometimes panic. They think you’re going to downsize them. They’ve been at the same job for decades! I’ve learned to simply ask them, ‘What do you want to do now?’ because they all have a natural desire to do something productive inside of you and, as I said earlier, you can’t really predict what that’s going to be. A lot of managers become advisors, so the part who’s been scanning for danger constantly now wants to just be discerning and whisper to you sometimes when you go into a new situation. Others want to do the opposite of the role they’ve been in. The critic becomes your biggest fan. The one who kept you invisible now wants to help you shine.”

This quote illustrates a key concept in IFS: the transformation of protective parts once they are relieved of their burdens. Schwartz employs a workplace metaphor, comparing protector parts to long-time employees facing potential job loss. This analogy makes the abstract concept more relatable and understandable. The quote also emphasizes the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good. By suggesting that protector parts have a “natural desire to do something productive,” Schwartz reinforces the idea that all parts, even those that seem harmful, have positive intentions. The examples provided—a hypervigilant part becoming discerning and a critic turning into a supporter—demonstrate the potential for positive transformation within the internal system.

“In general, I find that Self-led people are drawn to practices, rituals, and religious traditions that help them access more Self and feel their connection to something grander and more universal (for example, what some call God and what I refer to as SELF). They also choose spiritual paths that encourage them to bring connection, harmony, and healing to their parts, to other people, and to the planet.”

Schwartz explores The Connection Between IFS and Spirituality, highlighting how individuals who are more aligned with their Self tend to gravitate toward spiritual practices that reinforce this connection. He draws a parallel between the concept of Self in IFS and broader spiritual or religious ideas of a higher power or universal consciousness, suggesting that there is a natural affinity between Self-leadership and spiritual growth. By capitalizing “SELF,” Schwartz emphasizes its significance and distinguishes it from the everyday use of the word, implying a deeper, more expansive concept that he likens to God. Schwartz’s observation also relates to the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale. The quote suggests that Self-led individuals seek to bring “connection, harmony, and healing” not just to their internal parts but also to their relationships with others and even to the planet as a whole. This illustrates how the principles of IFS can be applied beyond individual therapy to broader social and ecological contexts.

“This is quite a challenge in some circumstances—when you face threatening people or events, for example. And yet, amid the terror or the rage, the Self in each of us is always there—the I in the storm, the calm depth beneath the roiling waves. There is always Self.”

This quote illustrates the theme of The Connection Between IFS and Spirituality by presenting the Self as an ever-present, calm center within each individual. Schwartz employs metaphorical language, comparing the Self to “the I in the storm” and “the calm depth beneath the roiling waves,” which serves to make the abstract concept more tangible. The affirmation that “There is always Self” emphasizes the constancy and reliability of this inner resource. By acknowledging the difficulty of accessing the Self in challenging circumstances while affirming its constant presence, Schwartz strikes a balance between realism and optimism. This quote encapsulates a core tenet of IFS: that individuals have an innate capacity for healing and self-regulation, even in the face of extreme adversity. The language used here also evokes spiritual concepts, suggesting a connection between IFS principles and broader spiritual or philosophical traditions.

“When parts unburden, they often immediately sense their original purpose and take on a commensurate new role. When people access Self, they often quickly sense their purpose. In the outer world, that realization might take years; in the inner world, it often happens immediately.”

This quote encapsulates a key principle of IFS therapy: the transformative power of unburdening parts and accessing the Self. Schwartz employs parallel structure to emphasize the immediacy of change in both parts and the Self, contrasting this with the slower pace of change in the “outer world.” This quote relates to the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good, suggesting that when freed from burdens, parts naturally align with their positive, innate purposes. It also touches on The Connection Between IFS and Spirituality, implying a sort of innate wisdom or purpose that emerges when accessing the Self.

“As people become more Self-led, they find themselves acting altruistically without effort and without so much inner debate, because it just feels natural to them to want to help others. This is because Self recognizes that you and the others are part of a larger body of humanity. It’s the same as when, say, your angry part starts to feel more connected and recognizes that the manager that it hated because of how much it tried to stifle the anger is also connected to the larger entity—you. This leads to parts recognizing that when one member of the system is hurt or burdened, it affects the larger system that they all belong to.”

Schwartz illustrates the interconnected nature of Self-leadership, altruism, and systems thinking in the IFS model. The author uses an analogy between individual parts and the larger human community to illustrate how Self-leadership fosters a sense of connection and interdependence. The phrase “without effort and without so much inner debate” emphasizes the naturalness and ease of altruistic behavior when one is Self-led. This quote strongly exemplifies the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale, demonstrating how the principles of IFS can be applied both internally (to one’s parts) and externally (to one’s relationship with humanity). It also touches on Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good, suggesting that when led by the Self, individuals naturally tend toward positive, altruistic behavior.

“The way we relate to our parts translates directly to how we relate to people when they resemble our parts. In the same vein, if you don’t fear your own anger, you’ll be able to stay Self-led when someone’s angry at you. The person’s judgment of you won’t trigger your own inner critics, because you know who you are, and because those critical parts of you have retired or taken on new roles. So many of the obstacles in our relationships are because we fear the mayhem that someone else’s behavior will create in our inner systems. When Self leads, the mayhem is gone.”

This quote illustrates a core principle of IFS: the connection between internal and external relationships. This connects to the book’s theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale. Schwartz employs parallel structure to highlight this connection, repeating “relate” to emphasize the similarity between inner and outer interactions. The quote also touches on the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good by suggesting that when individuals are Self-led, they can respond to external triggers without being overwhelmed by their own inner critics. This idea is reinforced through the metaphor of parts “retiring” or taking on “new roles,” implying a transformation rather than elimination of these aspects of the psyche. Schwartz’s use of the word “mayhem” creates an image of internal chaos, which he contrasts with the calm leadership of the Self. This juxtaposition underscores the potential for personal growth and improved relationships through IFS work.

“In learning these life lessons and becoming more Self-led, we have the good fortune of having so many excellent teachers out there. I’m not talking about the gurus, priests, professors, or parents, although they can certainly help you learn your lessons if they’ve learned theirs. I’m talking instead about the difficult events and people that trigger you—your tor-mentors. By tormenting you, they mentor you about what you need to heal.”

Schwartz introduces a unique perspective on personal growth and healing. He employs irony by subverting the traditional notion of teachers, shifting focus from respected figures to challenging experiences and individuals. This rhetorical move challenges conventional wisdom about personal development. The author’s wordplay with “tor-mentors” creates a memorable concept that encapsulates a key idea of IFS. By breaking down “tormentors” into “tor-mentors,” Schwartz reframes negative experiences as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. The quote touches on the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale by suggesting that personal growth occurs through interactions with various external factors, including challenging events and people. It also relates to Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good, as it implies that even painful experiences serve a positive purpose in one’s personal development.

“This particular law of inner physics has proven extremely valuable in our work with highly delicate, traumatized, or heavily diagnosed clients who are terrified of being overwhelmed by their parts, particularly their exiles. It allows us to enter such inner systems without using the grounding skills that characterize other trauma approaches. Again, it turns out that all we need to do is ask a part to not overwhelm. If it agrees not to, it won’t. Parts overwhelm when they believe—often with good reason—that they have to totally take over or we’ll lock them away again. It’s the same with human exiles.”

This quote highlights IFS’s unique approach to treating trauma. By comparing the behavior of internal parts to laws of physics, Schwartz suggests that these psychological phenomena are consistent and predictable. The author emphasizes the effectiveness of this approach with challenging cases, including those involving trauma or complex diagnoses. Schwartz contrasts IFS with other trauma therapies, noting that it doesn’t rely on traditional grounding techniques. Instead, it employs direct communication with parts, which aligns with the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good. He concludes by pointing out how one’s approach to inner exiles mirrors one’s approach to outer exiles. In doing so, Schwartz extends the metaphor to social systems, subtly invoking the theme of Engaging in Systems Thinking at Every Scale. This comparison considers how principles of IFS might apply to broader societal issues, expanding the potential applications of the therapy beyond individual psychology.

“When your parts start to trust your Self, they open more space for you to be in your body. […] In addition, your exiles no longer have to use your body to try to get your attention or punish you for ignoring them, because they can get through to you directly. I’ve had many clients resolve chronic medical problems by simply listening to what their bodies were telling them rather than trying to kill the messenger.”

This quote emphasizes the interconnectedness of mental and physical well-being in the IFS model. Schwartz uses the metaphor of “opening space” to illustrate how trust in the Self allows for greater bodily awareness. The phrase “kill the messenger” is a rhetorical device that highlights the counterproductive nature of ignoring or suppressing physical symptoms. This passage aligns with the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good, suggesting that listening to one’s body and its parts can lead to healing rather than viewing symptoms as problems to be eliminated.

“Once we heal our exiles and become more Self-led, we don’t have to work so hard to do things that are good for us—we just naturally enjoy them. Our protectors stop driving our bus (they’re too young for a driver’s license anyway) and let us into the driver’s seat. Thereafter, they can help navigate or alert us about dangers in the road or the speed limit, but they’ll trust us to drive, while our former exiles play in the back seats.”

Schwartz employs an extended metaphor of driving a bus to illustrate the shift in internal dynamics that occurs through IFS therapy. The parenthetical “they’re too young for a driver’s license anyway” emphasizes the fact that protectors are often parentified children. The image of exiles “playing in the back seats” conveys a sense of lightness and integration, contrasting with their former burdensome role. This quote touches on the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good by portraying all aspects of the psyche as potentially helpful when properly integrated. The tone is optimistic, suggesting that healing leads to a more effortless and enjoyable way of living.

“I’ve also found that for various reasons, parts will deliberately target different vital organs or systems of your body when they can’t get through to you directly. When you won’t listen to a part, it has a limited number of options to get your attention or to punish you if it’s angry with you. It could give you nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, or screw up your body in even worse ways.”

This quote illuminates the potential physical manifestations of unaddressed psychological issues. Schwartz personifies parts as having agency and intention, which serves to emphasize their significance in the overall system of Self. The list of symptoms (nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks) creates a sense of urgency and underscores the variety of ways in which neglected parts might express themselves. The colloquial phrase “screw up your body” adds a conversational tone that aims to make the concept more relatable. This passage highlights the importance of listening to all parts of oneself, reinforcing the theme of Understanding Parts and the Self as Inherently Good by suggesting that even seemingly negative symptoms serve a purpose in the broader context of psychological health.