Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

Chapter 19 continues on the theme of generosity to convince readers that individual success is contingent on everyone’s success. Social arbitrage means “a constant and open exchange of favors and intelligence” mediated through one’s network (186). The authors stress that people should not be asked to participate in social arbitrage, but rather that they should automatically be thinking about how they can connect other people to networks that will increase the likelihood of their goals and missions being accomplished. The authors stress that power is not about manipulation or exploitation; instead, power is about becoming an indispensable resource for other people. If one cannot readily give financial or material resources, then the solution is providing knowledge to other people. The ability to distribute knowledge within a network, and to other networks, is a free and easy way to practice social arbitrage. This exchange can come in the form of articles, blog posts, social media, books, and conversations. The Connectors’ Hall of Fame Profile in this section is Vernon Jordan, a lawyer, former Clinton advisor, and senior member on ten corporate boards. The authors tell a short story of Jordan’s life to convey how important it is to be indispensable to people in power. The key to Jordan’s success is being essential to multiple networks of people in high positions of authority. The authors use Jordan as an example of an individual who uses social arbitrage to make himself indispensable.

This chapter is about maintaining communication with a network, especially as it grows larger and larger. “Pinging” is a “quick, casual greeting” that allows connectors to stay in touch with everyone in their network in an efficient and genuine way (195). The repetition of pinging throughout one’s career is the most important aspect of this practice. Creating a new relationship requires that people “see or hear your name in at least three modes of communication” (196): email, phone call, and face-to-face. Then, connectors can use the “ping” to develop a relationship with more meaningful interactions, primarily through face-to-face meetings. Social media pings are also good ways to maintain secondary relationships, which should be cultivated with messages two to three times a year. Although “pinging” should be a sincere practice of communication, planned, personalized, and automated messages can drastically reduce the time spent writing and communicating. Contacting people for their birthday is one example. Most people like to be contacted on their birthday. The birthday is a great opportunity to “ping” people in a network, whether those people are secondary, fringe relationships or people who’ve grown out of touch over time.

This chapter builds on the concepts of the “super-connector” and the “cloned events” to impart advice about hosting dinner parties. After building out a network and bridging different networks with each other, individuals can find “anchor tenants”: people who migrate between networks as responsible and valued authorities in their fields or industries. Mentors, parents, friends, teachers, spiritual leaders, and bosses are examples of anchor tenants. These people often travel through different networks—think, “super-connector”—and should be invited to different events, like dinner parties, where guests may benefit from their insights and presence. Throwing a dinner party is the primary example of using “anchor tenants” to attract more people into one’s network. The “anchor tenant” is a critical guest because they drive conversation, impart advice, and generally entertain other guests. Arianna Huffington, co-founder of The Huffington Post, is an example of a great “anchor tenant.”

After the “anchor tenant” has been invited, the authors suggest that readers organize their dinner parties by a theme, send invitations, and avoid spending the whole event in the kitchen. Instead, hosts should craft ambience, eschew formality, and consider a virtual after party. These parcels of advice provide guidance on how readers can use dinner parties and “anchor tenants” to create more meaningful relationships in their network.