My Husband

Ariane receives a call from her husband that he has forgotten an important contract at home. She agrees to fetch the folder and meet him near his office for lunch at 1:00 PM. Ariane gets home and takes a long time choosing a dress for lunch, spraying herself repeatedly with the sensuous perfume. However, the perfume seems too floral, and Ariane breaks the bottle in anger. When Ariane gets to the restaurant a little before 1:00 PM, she worries that her husband will stand her up. Even though he is always on time, Ariane fears he will make her wait, amplifying her anxiety. 

At such times, she calms herself with a memory. Once, it had seemed her husband had stood her up when he didn’t meet her outside the notary’s office as they’d planned. Ariane had gone up to the notary to tell him that she and her husband wouldn’t be signing their home-buying papers. She’d discovered her husband was at the office all along, waiting to pleasantly surprise her. Since then, every time she gets anxious about his absence, she tells herself: “[H]e was there all along” (77).

As expected, her husband appears at the restaurant right on time. As they sit for lunch, the conversation flows seamlessly. Ariane and her husband are never short of interesting things to say to each other. Ariane’s good mood is interrupted by her husband ordering lasagna, which he usually never does, and giving the beautiful waitress an excessive tip. He seems a stranger to Ariane—a feeling that is magnified when his co-worker runs into them and teases him about his love of candy. Ariane is horrified, as her husband always prefers savory food. 

Ariane cries on her way home because her life seems to be going out of control. She knows her husband will never leave her for the waitress, because the waitress is not “wife material,” yet Ariane is gripped by an inexplicable sadness. Then she recognizes the sadness for what it is: the grief of unrequited love, like the love of Phèdre, her favorite heroine in Racine’s play of the same name. Of course, Phèdre’s predicament is more extreme, because she is in love with her stepson, whereas Ariane pines for her husband. Ariane feels like an impostor, but cannot help feeling sad.

Ariane has only one close woman friend, Lucie. She wishes she could confide in Lucie about her marriage, but this is impossible, since their husbands are friends. Lucie does criticize her husband Pierre, but with the caveat that Ariane wouldn’t understand as Ariane’s own marriage is perfect. 

In fact, Ariane has always been told she is lucky to be married to her husband. Ariane knows this is because her husband is handsome, in a more prestigious, profitable job, and hails from a wealthy family. Ariane, on the other hand, is just a high school teacher from a working-class background. Her choice of specializing in English is also ordinary; English is not a language deemed exotic, like Farsi or Russian. The only advantage Ariane has is that she is extremely beautiful, but she knows the beauty will fade.

The only person in whom Ariane confided about her marriage was a stranger, an Italian woman she met on a skiing trip with her husband. Ariane told the woman that she felt her husband didn’t love her as much as she loved him. The woman had shockingly responded that, listening to Ariane, it was obvious that Ariane did not love her husband enough. While her husband had moved on from the infatuation phase and loved Ariane with trust and maturity, Ariane continued to doubt him. 

The woman’s words struck a chord with Ariane, reminding her of another favorite quote from Duras: “[N]ever loved, though I thought I’ve loved” (90). However, on the last night of their trip, Ariane saw the woman whispering in her husband’s ear.

Ariane’s husband returns home from work at 7:30 PM. She hates the fact that he kisses her on top of her head in front of the children, displaying false modesty. The family gathers for dinner, her husband asking the children thoughtful questions and entertaining them with stories from French history. Ariane tries to participate, but reflects that the entire situation seems forced. Her husband is the natural storyteller. Though Ariane read to the children quite often when they were young, she could never do as good a job as her husband. She admits that though she loves her son and daughter, she would rather not have had them. 

Ariane remembers the early days of her son’s life, when he was frequently sick. Once her husband went back to work, Ariane felt like a prisoner, home alone with the infant. She did not breastfeed her children, as she believed that would change the shape of her breasts. Ariane cannot connect with the other parents at her children’s school or share their enthusiasm for childish activities. She does try to be a good mother in her own way, such as buying her 7-year-old daughter books with strong female role models who do not need a prince or knight to rescue them. Ariane does not want her daughter to repeat her mistakes.

Perhaps, Ariane reflects, her devotion to her husband leaves little space for the children. Ariane once read somewhere that there were three kinds of women: the woman in love, the mistress, and the mother. Ariane has never wanted to be a mistress, but always dreamt of being in love. When she had her children, she couldn’t shift into the mother role, remaining stuck as the woman in love.

After the children have gone to bed, Ariane’s husband joins her in the lounge. He puts on some jazz; Ariane notes that it is her husband who always decides the music to be played in their house. The only time Ariane chooses tracks is when she is alone in her car. Her husband listens to Sinatra for a bit, and then swaps it for the TV. 

As he sits next to her, Ariane feels her husband takes little notice of her. She is wary of talking, as her husband likes his peace and quiet during the weekdays. Instead, she places her hand on his. To her dismay, he removes his hand from hers. Though he places it on her knee, he soon removes his hand to look at his phone. Then he makes a casual remark about the weather. Her husband’s indifference, as opposed to the intensity of her feelings, makes Ariane despair. After her husband goes up to bed, Ariane cries and writes his slights against her in her journal.

The familiar itch plagues Ariane once again in bed. She has had trouble sleeping ever since she met her husband, yet she clings to the thought that a happy marriage is the antidote to insomnia. The truth is that marriage did not calm her down, neither did having children or acquiring a beautiful house. She does not even have a real reason for her insomnia and itch: She is in good health, has a decent relationship with her parents and sisters, and an outwardly perfect life. Her only problem is she loves her husband obsessively.

Ariane tries to lull herself to sleep by chanting her husband’s name in her mind. Then she imagines scenarios where she could redo her life or have a superpower. She decides that if she could live her life again, she would never fall in love, and her superpower would be manipulating the dreams of others. Then she could give her husband, who sleeps soundly next to her, a dream that alerted him to her agitated state. Her husband continues to sleep.