My Fault

Content Warning: This section of the guide describes child abuse.

The Leisters’ house is symbolic of both Noah's and Nick’s sense of dislocation. Located in Los Angeles, California, this micro setting makes both Noah Morgan and Nick Leister feel uncomfortable—William and Rafaella attempt to make the house their new family home, but both protagonists feel out of place. Noah has just left what she considers to be her real home in Toronto, Canada, and doesn’t see the Leisters’ home as relevant to her experience, even comparing it to a hotel when she first sees it. Meanwhile, Nick feels out of place at the house, because he’s spent his early adult years living with his friend Lion in a rougher neighborhood. This palatial, sprawling setting augments the characters’ internal unrest and social alienation.

The house’s appearance, location, structure, and atmosphere underscore its symbolic significance and directly correlate with Noah and Nick’s regard for it. The house is located in a neighborhood with “tall palm trees” where “the stress [are lined with] monumental mansions,” each one taking up “at least half a block” (5). When Noah first drives into the neighborhood with her mom, she “start[s] to get scared as […] the houses g[e]t bigger and bigger” (5). She feels even more on edge when she sees the Leister house proper: “It was white with a sand-colored roof way up high. It had three stories at least, but it was hard to tell with all those balconies, windows, and everything else” (5). The house represents a world that Noah not only hasn’t come from but a lifestyle that she doesn’t agree with. When she winds through the house looking for the kitchen, she feels “like an intruder” and worries that she won’t “get used to living here, to the luxury, the immensity of the place” (12). While her old apartment was so small she and Raffaella could hear each other talking “no matter what room they were in,” in the Leisters’ house, she has to shout to be heard (12). These details present the house as an intimidating realm that isolates the characters from one another. The family members often go days at a time without seeing each other because the house is so large.

Furthermore, the palatial nature of the house highlights William’s wealth—a fact that frustrates both Noah and Nick. Noah doesn’t want to be dependent on William for his money and feels guilty living in his luxurious home. Nick has similarly tried to make a life for himself beyond his father’s wealth and therefore feels uncomfortable living under the same roof again. These facets of the setting spur Noah and Nick’s Search for Home and Belonging and compel them to rely upon each other for safety and comfort.