More Happy Than Not

This brief section marks the original ending of the book. Silvera states in the Afterword that he “wanted an ending that felt true and surprising” but that he was “genuinely haunted by this ending” and “wanted to give Aaron a long overdue win” (277). The original ending successfully critiques the idea that being gay is a choice and suggests that happiness is impossible without accepting the self. Earlier chapter analyses examined how Aaron tried to eliminated what he thought were largely terrible and traumatic memories. Because he is incapable of making new memories, those tiny moments of happiness become his only resource for happiness. The novel asks Aaron—and by extension, the reader—to consider that happiness and joy often come in small packages. The path forward, according to this philosophy, is to recognize, value, and accumulate those small packages in such a way that they can help you overcome the more painful and traumatic moments.

This section also sees Aaron becoming more independent despite the new dependence his condition requires. One example of this is the bicycle scene, which conveys several significant growths in Aaron’s character. His resolve to teach himself rather than rely on someone else’s instruction parallels his new willingness to find happiness from internal sources. The location of his ride, within view of the family’s apartment window, suggests that he’s learning to accept more support and love from his family. The experience of riding and then forgetting that he’s taught himself how to ride reflects the future Aaron can expect and his response to it: He may never be able to learn new things, but he is determined to try them anyway, even if the happiness they bring is fleeting.