More Happy Than Not

Aaron is the novel’s protagonist and narrator. There are several strong traits that comprise his characterization, and the narrative works to show how these traits evolve as Aaron does. One significant aspect of Aaron’s character is his romanticism. Aaron may not be romantic in a traditional sense, but it is present in his approach to life. Significantly, Aaron is an artist, a pursuit that is widely associated with romanticism. His preferred medium is the comic book or graphic novel, which relies heavily on graphics and minimal text to convey complex ideas and relationships. For additional examples of Aaron’s romanticism, consider his history of gift-giving: His Christmas gift to Collin was a subscription to a comic series they could enjoy together; his birthday gift to Thomas was the Buzz Lightyear toy that Thomas’s father never came home from getting; the party he threw for Thomas was a gift, too, in that it addressed one of Thomas’s unfulfilled emotional needs.

Another important aspect of Aaron’s character is his feeling of self-loathing and worthlessness. Aaron is insecure about his sexuality, his looks, his artistic skills, his artistic preferences, his socioeconomic status, his home, and his value to the people in his life. Because he cannot validate himself or feel worthy without external attention, Aaron is constantly buffeted by the opinions of those around him. Throughout the book we can see Aaron carefully considering and second-guessing his social interactions, attempting to present a version of himself that is both desirable and unassuming. This intense self-hatred is what fuels Aaron’s problems, as he cannot accept himself and thus is desperate for the acceptance of others, which he feels will be impossible to receive if his true self is known. Both of these traits evolve as the narrative progresses, leading to a matured Aaron who is more confident, finding happiness internally, and allowing himself to be vulnerable.

Aaron’s romanticism and self-loathing also affect the relationships Aaron turns to for external assurance and validation. This is why Aaron’s sense and fear of abandonment is so intense throughout the story. He tries desperately to turn his relationships into reasons to live, so it’s not surprising that they often crumble and fail; asking another person to provide your life’s purpose puts a great deal of stress and pressure on that person. Aaron’s longing for perfection doesn’t help here, either, as his ideal outcomes are terrifying even to himself. By the end of the novel, however, we see Aaron more comfortable in his own body and personality. The novel leaves Aaron with a real sense of optimism about his ability to heal, love himself, and develop healthier relationships.