Midnight Sun

Throughout Midnight Sun, Edward constantly clouds his thoughts with self-hatred and the belief that he is a monster. When Edward first experiences Bella’s irresistible scent and is tempted to kill her, he describes the temptation, thinking, “the face of the monster inside me—the face I’d beaten back with decades of effort and uncompromising discipline. How easily it sprang to the surface now!” (11). Here Edward constructs a self-identity in which part of him—the vampire part—is a separate entity, hiding inside and waiting to emerge. Edward struggles throughout the novel with the idea that he has evil lurking within him. He even wants to destroy this fractured aspect of his identity. When faced with the possibility that he might kill Bella in the futures Alice sees, Edward thinks, “even though it felt as though my whole being yearned for nothing but Bella’s safety, I knew the monster was still alive. How did I kill it? Silence it forever?” (311). Edward shows here that he loves Bella so much he is willing to sacrifice a part of himself for her, although it is certainly a part that he already hates. But eventually Edward realizes that the monster he has constructed inside himself prevents him from saving Bella. In the meadow at the very peak of his test of resolve with Bella, Edward thinks, “I also saw very clearly in that moment that there was no separate monster and never had been one. Eager to disconnect my mind from my desires, I had—as was my habit—personified that hated part of myself to distance it from the parts that I considered me…Better to see myself as a whole, bad and good, and work with the reality of it” (370). By embracing his inner “monster” and accepting the reality of his nature, Edward briefly gains inner peace, although it does not last.

Edward’s belief that he is a monster is purely a self-perception, one that Bella often tries to reject. She tells him that she does not care that he is not human. After she reveals that she figured out that Edward is a vampire, Edward asks her, “you don’t care if I’m a monster? If I’m not human?” (202). Bella simply responds “no” (202). To Edward, the fact that he is a vampire and not human specifically makes him a monster, no matter what else he does or believes. Bella does not associate vampires and monsters in the same way, however. To her, it does not matter what Edward is, only who he is. Even at the very end of the novel, when Bella has made her wish to become a vampire clear, she and Edward conflict in their views. Edward asks, “is that what you dream about? Being a monster?” (658). He also hears her response, “‘Not exactly.’ She didn’t like the word I’d used. Her voice dropped lower. ‘Mostly I dream about being with you forever’” (658). Edward notes that Bella does not like when he describes himself as a “monster.” Her response shows that her view on vampirism is entirely different—a life as a vampire is not a descent into evil, but rather a life forever with Edward.

Just as Edward associates himself with evil and monstrosity, so too does he associate Bella with the opposite—goodness and innocence. When Edward tries to avoid speaking to Bella in the beginning of the novel, he spies on her through the thoughts of others, learning of her generous character. He thinks, “as simple as it was rare. Bella was good. All the other things added up to that whole: Kind and self-effacing and unselfish and brave—she was good through and through” (92). Edward lists these superfluously good character traits, building up an idealized version of Bella in his head. Bella is the opposite of Edward’s monster, a perfect angel. When Edward faces Bella in the meadow too, he considers her too good. He thinks, “she was always too kind. She gave me credit I didn’t deserve, worried over my feelings as if they mattered. Her very goodness was what put her in this danger” (334). Bella is so good and pure of heart that, in Edward’s mind, she sacrifices her own life and safety for the comfort of others. As such, Bella is the ideal female lead for a story heavily influenced by Meyer’s own Mormon faith, representing purity, and giving other characters a model to strive for.

Edward uses this idealized version of Bella, created in his thoughts, to motivate himself to be better. In Chapter 9, Edward rescues Bella from a group of predatory men in Port Angeles. Edward very much wants to take revenge against these men and kill the leader, but he thinks to himself, “Bella deserved better than a killer” (178). Bella’s ideal nature is thus not only a model for female characters, but it also provides a powerful motivation for Edward to better himself, avoiding the temptation of easy but monstrous vigilantism. Even if Edward hates being a vampire, he uses Bella to give himself an opportunity to strive towards being a good vampire. He pokes fun of himself for being an oxymoron later in the novel when he decides to be a guardian for Bella. Since Bella is in perpetual danger, Edward thinks that she cannot possibly have a guardian angel, even though she clearly deserves one. To make up for this, he thinks, “Whatever force it was that wanted to hurt Bella would have to go through me. No, she had no guardian angel. But I would do my best to make up for the lack. A guardian vampire—there was a stretch” (218). The phrase “guardian vampire” is an oxymoron for Edward, who believes in the idea of angels and evil monsters. And yet, this oxymoron gives him a possible escape from being purely evil. Through Bella, he can come at least close to goodness, even if he himself could never be purely good like her.