Merci Suárez Changes Gears

Merci awakens in the hospital with glass in her hair. The back of Ana’s car has been smashed. A nurse tells Merci that she’s lucky, and that God was looking out for her that day. Merci feels the exact opposite. That night, at home, Roli finally breaks the news to Merci when she asks him to truly tell her what is wrong with Lolo. He tells her that Lolo has had Alzheimer’s for years, and he will not get better. Merci is incensed that everyone in the family has broken the Suárez rule and has kept this secret from her. Roli is ashamed of his lie and uses his rubber model of a brain to explain the intricacies of the disease to Merci. He answers every question she has. 

Ana, who is still ill herself, keeps Roli and Merci home the following Monday. She pesters them with questions about their well-being, but Merci stays distant from the entire family. Merci writes, “Other times when I’ve been sick, Mami has let me crawl into her bed and watch game shows or read. Abuela has made me broth. But today, I still want to keep my distance, She knew…everyone knew…that Lolo was sick. And no one told me. I’m so angry that they kept it a secret that I can barely look at her” (270). When Abuela wraps Merci in a hug that Merci does not return, all Merci can think is that she lives in a family of liars.

Lolo comes to Merci with the dominoes. He doesn’t have a scratch on him. He offers a halting apology to Merci. He tells Merci that he doesn’t know what happened the day of the accident: “‘Roli told me what’s going on,’ [Merci says.] ‘You do know what happened. You don’t have to lie anymore. You have Alzheimer’s’” (272). Lolo folds his quivering hands in his lap: “I suppose that’s true,” he replies (272). Merci tells Lolo that he should have told her about his sickness. She tells him it’s not fair that the entire family has been treating her like this. Lolo tells her to blame him—”I made them all promise a long time ago not to tell you until we had no choice,” he says (273). He tells her that he wanted to enjoy the time that they had left together without the impending doom hanging over their heads.

Merci is confused by Lolo’s lucidity following his complete disorientation the day of the accident. She remembers what Roli has told her about Lolo’s disease: “In the next few years, Lolo might not be able to remember us, Merci. He won’t even remember himself” (274). Merci asks herself who will go to Grand’s Day with the twins. She wants to know who will help her father at Sol Painting, who will bring their jokes to El Caribe, and who will dance with Abuela if Lolo is gone.

Overwhelmed by emotion, Merci throws the dominoes to the ground. Ana runs into the room. She tells Merci to collect herself and clean up the dominoes, but Lolo gently tells her to let her be: “This is what it’s like when someone changes and scares you. How do you like it?” (274). Lolo steps toward Merci with “a broken expression” on his face (275): “You’re frightened,” he says to Merci. When she realizes he is right, Merci begins to sob the way that she did when she was a younger child. Lolo holds her until all of her tears have run out. He tells her that he, too, is frightened: “But we are the Suárez family, Merci. We are strong enough to face this together ,” he says (275), but Lolo already feels so far away to Merci. 

When Merci returns to school, she sees that Edna and the others who attended her party, including Michael, Jamie, Rachel, and a few others, are suffering from sea lice bites. Hannah, whose scrupulous mother must have kept her home after seeing the blue flag warning about the beach, is unscathed, as is Lena.

In front of the entire class, Ms. Tannenbaum welcomes Merci back to school, telling her that she is sorry to hear about her accident and thankful that she is okay. Ms. Tannenbaum presents a greeting card to Merci. Everyone in the class, including Edna, has signed it. Although she wonders whether Miss McDaniels forced everyone to sign, Merci still carefully tucks the card into her backpack. Ms. Tannenbaum also tells Merci in a hushed voice that she hasn’t forgotten what happened with the Anubis mask: “We’ll try to get to the bottom of things in the coming days when things settle down,” she says (278). Merci, surprised that Ms. Tannenbaum is still even talking about the mask, tells her that the incident no longer matters.

Merci no longer wants to talk or think about death in any way—not the Egyptians who died thousands of years ago, and not about her own accident, which everyone at school is treating like a near-death experience. She spends her free time at school distancing herself from her peers and researching Alzheimer’s. She hasn’t found a single thing that says there’s a cure.

On another day, Ms. Tannenbaum begins talking about The Great Tomb project. It’s a big deal every year, and the person selected to be head of the mummy committee has the most important duty: constructing the mummy and sarcophagus that is the frontispiece of The Great Tomb: “The mummy maker almost always gets their picture in the paper with Dr. Newman and Ms. Tannenbaum,” Merci writes (280). Everyone assumes that the job will go to Edna, but Ms. Tannenbaum names Lena the head of the mummy committee.

Edna’s hand immediately shoots into the air. She says, “Shouldn’t Lena at least have a cochair, Ms. Tannenbaum? […] Someone who has, you know, good grades and stuff? Our whole tomb depends on it. No offense, but you can’t give that job to just anybody” (280). Lena doesn’t even flinch at Edna’s obvious rudeness. Ms. Tannenbaum tells Edna that she has utmost confidence in Lena’s ability to get the job done, and also asserts that Edna is right: Lena will need help. However, she allows Lena to choose two associates. Edna waits to be picked, but Lena unhesitatingly chooses Merci and Hannah. 

Merci, Hannah, and Lena are discussing the sarcophagus. Hannah keeps looking over at Edna, who is showing everyone her remaining sea lice scars. She’s acting like she’d rather be in her regular place in Edna’s circle right now. Lena says that she wants to use plaster of paris to cast and create the mummy’s form: “‘Wait here,’ [Hannah says.] ‘I know just who to ask’” (285). 

It’s the day of the girls’ soccer team home scrimmage, and Merci sees her babysitting duties as a blessing today: She won’t have to watch. When she gets home, Tía Inés engages her in conversation. She asks Merci if she’s okay. When she asks if Merci is still mad at everyone in the family, Merci merely shrugs. Tía Inés says she’s mad too. She adds, “I’m sad too […] My father is sick and I worry about taking care of him as things get worse” (290). This gives Merci, who has been thinking only of her own feelings, pause. Merci also notices that Tía Inés looks particularly pretty that day, and she pulls out her phone to take a picture of her. Tía Inés tells her to delete it, not liking the way she looks in it. She then snaps a selfie of them and uses a filter to highlight all the important parts of the portrait: “Little lines around Tía’s eyes. The tilt of my glasses. How our smiles are kind of the same, even though I never noticed before” (292).

Later that night, the adults discuss the next steps in Lolo’s treatment. There’s no more hiding the conversation from Merci. Tears flow occasionally, and Abuela holds Lolo’s hands: “I click and click and capture the way we really are right now,” writes Merci (292).