Maybe Next Time

On Monday, December 3, 2021, at 10 o’clock at night, Dan notices that Emma hastily wrote her anniversary letter to him while pretending to use the bathroom. Last year, she forgot entirely, Dan was hurt, and she promised to do better but defensively realizes that she has let that resolution slide. Their eight-year-old son, Miles, hears them bickering, and their dog, Gus, seems ill. Dan takes Gus for a walk, and Emma sees her letter from him beside the remains of dinner, with a heart over the “a” in her name. She hears a sound that frightens her.

Fifteen hours earlier, Emma wakes up to the sound of a bicycle bell and a crack of sunlight through the curtains. She rolls over to see Dan. Though she’s in a rush, he reminds her, “You’ve got time” (13). Checking her phone, she’s annoyed that the woman will be late picking up the bike Emma is trying to sell her. She hears movement from her son and music from her daughter, Poppy’s, room but gets caught up in social media posts, including photos of her client Amelia, who is overdue on a book, frolicking on the beach. She receives reminders about a committee meeting that night for her kids’ old playgroup, which was once a lifeline but which they’ve outgrown. Miles and Gus both seem dispirited, and Poppy can’t find her blazer for school. Dan bought her a cinnamon roll, but Emma forgets it on her way out the door. The chapter ends with texts from the playgroup; an anxious author, Lou; the agency’s assistant, Jas; and Hattie, asking to meet for lunch.

As she walks, Emma fires off texts to Dan about household reminders and almost gets hit by a cyclist. She takes the tube to her favorite café and orders her usual, a hazelnut latte. The barista gives her a blueberry muffin, and Emma realizes she has become a creature of habit. She also realizes she never asked the barista his name. She returns to her phone and considers whether she has time to lunch with Hattie; her inbox is filling up, including rejections for a book by another client, Scarlet. Arriving at her office, Emma meets her boss, Linda, and Linda’s client, Arthur Chumley, a crime writer who is their most successful client but is also a misogynistic boor. More texts come in from the playgroup coordinator, Jas, Lou (making anxious pleas), and Hattie (about lunch).

3 December 2008. Dan’s letter to Emma on their second year reflects on how Emma’s closeness with his sister, Hattie, contrasts with her solitary childhood and emotionally distant parents. Dan reflects that Emma is nice to everyone she meets, including his parents, and helped him when he switched jobs. They’re on their way to Sydney for a holiday, and he reminds her that he’s in love with her.

Emma has a tense meeting with Arthur’s publishers. Arthur refuses to admit that the comment he made on Twitter offended another author, and his publisher is about to drop him. Emma, worried about the financial consequences to her agency, salvages the meeting by promising Arthur’s behavior will improve but then wonders if supporting a smug bully is what she really wants. Emma messages Dan but gets no response.

Linda is displeased about the meeting, and Emma hates how she seems to have lost her backbone. Hattie texts her again. She last saw Hattie at a tense Sunday get-together at Hattie’s home at which her husband, Ed, made a joke that offended Dan. Emma pushes lunch with Hattie to the next day and speaks with Jas, who’s excited about a submission. Jas adores Dan. Emma settles down to read emails and, seeing the date, realizes why Dan was quiet and disappointed that morning. She sends him bright texts saying she’ll cook that night.

Arriving home, Emma squeezes past her old bike and slips on a puddle of dog vomit on the floor. Dan bought her orange roses. She sees all the notifications on her phone and thinks, “[S]ometimes I just needed it all to stop” (46). She intends to start the kids’ tea but gets distracted by Facebook until Dan arrives. He’s relieved she didn’t forget the date but disturbed by the list of things she has to do. He tells her he’ll take care of their meal.

On December 3, 2009, Dan writes about what he has discovered about Emma in the past year. He mentions her kindness and how she makes friends easily. He reflects how, while they were in Australia, Emma found out she was pregnant, which was a surprise. He’s a planner, but he’s also excited about the baby.

Emma thinks about writing her letter to Dan but gets distracted by emails. Miles, a usually calm child, is yelling at Poppy, who asks him to keep a secret. Emma begins shouting as she intervenes but gets distracted by several calls, including an unpromising talk with Linda, and misses the kids’ tea. She wants to know what’s going on with Miles, and she needs to write her letter to Dan and thinks how nice it would be to stay with Dan for dinner, but her phone is buzzing and pinging, making her tense. Dan tells her to go to her meeting.

Denise, who leads the playgroup, is stern and disapproving of Emma, who is supposed to take minutes. Denise fawns over Alan, who owns the playgroup premises. As they discuss the Christmas party, Emma objects to the idea of making time-intensive costumes, and Alan chides that “many women would want to give up their time for their children” (63). Emma wonders why she’s still on the committee and reflects on the guilty voice that doesn’t let her say no. A fellow mom reminds her that she “can’t do it all” (65). When Emma tries to follow up with some clients and text Dan, she sees missed calls from Hattie and the school office.

3 December 2010. Poppy is a baby, and Dan writes that he feels lost and admits he’s having a hard time. He wishes he could help with all of Emma’s challenges but feels useless. His mother died, and Dan is mired in grief, writing, “It takes my breath away that I can lose someone I love so much, so quickly” (70). He apologizes and says he wants to do better.

Emma’s unsent letter acknowledges that Dan is grieving but admits that she’s tired of feeling she’s on her own. He’s lost, and she needs him to come back.

Emma arrives home, running into the bike, and finds Dan talking with Miles. She asks him about the kids and tries to make up for being gone. She sees his letter by her plate, a heart over the “a.” She hears music as she hunts for paper to write her letter. She frets through dinner and then runs to the toilet while Dan is making dessert and scribbles a quick letter. They repeat the earlier conversation when he finds it, and Emma realizes, “How could I have messed up again? This day represented so much to both of us and I’d spent my time on everything else when I should have put this first” (79). He takes the dog out, and Emma hears a loud thump and then a siren. She feels a chill. The missed texts are from the playgroup, Jas, and Hattie, asking to talk.

The ground is icy as Emma runs into the street. In the headlights she sees a crashed car, with the airbag deployed, and thinks something is familiar about the scene. Gus crouches near a shape on the ground, which is Dan. Emma tells Dan to get up, imagining he’ll walk home with them. Gus starts howling, and she realizes that Dan is gone.

Emma kneels by Dan, crying. She carries Gus home, where Miles is waiting. Poppy appears and begins screaming, and as Emma holds her children, she wonders how she’ll go on without Dan. The children climb into bed together, and Emma wipes a smudge from Poppy’s eyes. Emma is in agony that her last words to Dan were dismissing their special day. She lies down in bed, wishing she could have her husband back. She notices a missed call from an unknown number.

3 December 2021. Dan’s letter for that year is glum. He’s angry that Emma has been caught up all weekend in the ramifications of Arthur’s tweet. Dan thinks Emma should leave the agency; she’s not happy. He’s certain she hasn’t written a letter to him, since he has looked for it. He wonders how low he is on her to-do list. He wants to be someone she gets excited about; he wants her to be blown away that they’re still together. He recalls how, after forgetting their anniversary last year, she promised to do better, and she did for a while but has slipped back into giving her attention elsewhere. He reminds her that her family needs her. She needs to be listening to the kids, and he admits that he feels alone.