Maybe in Another Life

“It’s always my impulse to ignore the bad, to run toward the good.”

Hannah acknowledges that her habit of ignoring the greater issues in her life has gotten her nowhere. Acknowledging this habit is the first step toward making positive changes. This is the first step in her journey of gaining knowledge about herself, facing her issues, and finding purpose in her life.

“But there has always been an unspoken tension. There is always this sense that we haven’t followed through on our plan.”

Reflecting on her relationship with Ethan, Hannah acknowledges that their romance has always felt unfinished. Moving back to her hometown opens up the possibility to rekindle the love they once shared and foreshadows events that occur later in the novel.

“How do you mourn something you never knew you had?”

Hannah grapples with confusion and grief when she is told that the baby she was unknowingly carrying has been lost following the car accident. The news is very overwhelming, so much so that Hannah is at a loss for how to process her new reality.

“Gabby is the only person on the planet I trust to hear my pain.”

Following her accident, Hannah has an intense emotional breakdown, one that Gabby witnesses. By allowing Gabby to see her at her lowest, Hannah acknowledges not only that Gabby is her closest confidante, but also that she does not tend to allow herself to be vulnerable with others.

“I don’t want that anymore. I want to try order instead of chaos.”

After spending most of her adult life flying by the seat of her pants, Hannah decides that she wants to make a concrete life plan: She wants to develop definitive goals and do her best to see them through. This decision marks a major change in Hannah’s life and a step in her coming-of-age journey.

“I can’t remember the last time I felt like a permanent fixture of this group.”

When Hannah’s family visits her in the hospital, she realizes that she has not felt like part of the family since she was a teenager. The fact that Hannah and her family do not have much to talk about with one another reenforces Hannah’s assumption that she is somehow separate from her family. Rather than alienating her, however, they do their best to respect her wishes and show they care in their own way.

“It’s a weird relationship I have with the Hudsons.”

In reflecting on her relationship with Gabby’s parents, Hannah realizes that their relationship is unconventional: Though she is not a blood relative, they treat her as if she is their own. Living with the Hudsons in high school enabled Hannah to form a lifelong bond with Carl and Tina, one for which she is deeply grateful.

“The difference between life and death could be as simple and as uncomfortably slight as a step you take in either direction.”

Reflecting on the car accident, Hannah is overwhelmed by the notion that one small difference in her movement on the night of the accident could have resulted in an entirely different outcome. Knowing that she could have possibly died had things gone even slightly differently awakens both fear and curiosity in Hannah.

“I feel like myself around him. And I like myself around him.”

Being with Ethan as an adult makes Hannah feel as though she is finally making smart and informed decisions regarding her life. With Ethan, she feels like she can be her best self, which reinforces her feeling that he is a positive influence in her life.

“I wonder if he calls me Hannah Savannah, as if I were a child, because he really only knows me as a child.”

When speaking to her father in the hospital, Hannah realizes that he has never gotten the chance to truly know her as an adult, evidenced by the fact that he still calls her by her childhood pet name. This sudden realization enables Hannah to recognize that, though she loves her family, she is not close to them, and this is okay. Just as she has an unconventionally close bond with the Hudsons, she has an unconventionally distant relationship with her own family.

“They are not my support system.”

Having her family visit her in the hospital has enabled Hannah to come to a major realization. Though she loves her family, their distant relationship makes it difficult for Hannah to be around them, even when she needs them the most. Though her parents wish to stay and care for her following the car accident, Hannah realizes that she would much rather be left alone to heal in solitude.

“And I can honestly say that until this moment, I never realized how much my parents have always, always loved me.”

When Hannah indirectly suggests that her parents make their way back to London rather than stay in LA, her parents are understanding and gracious. Before departing, they gift her a cinnamon roll from an old family-favorite bakery. Their thoughtful gift forces Hannah to realize that though they are not close, her parents love her very much.

“Even though I haven’t lived in the same place as Gabby for very long, I somehow can’t imagine living that far away from her again.”

Living with Gabby again allows Hannah to realize that moving back was a good decision. Her friendship with Gabby is so close to her heart that Hannah cannot imagine planting roots elsewhere.

“But I’m trying to make new decisions that lead me to better places.”

When she buys herself a car in LA, Hannah is tempted to take the dealer’s advice and splurge on a red Prius. However, rather than acting impulsively, as she may have done in the past, she decides to be reasonable and make an informed decision about the purchase.

“I’m doing this. I’m making a life for myself.”

After successfully talking a car dealer down several thousand dollars and buying herself a car, Hannah is ecstatic. With her goal to buy a car officially and efficiently met, she feels ready to take on the world. This experience proves that she has the agency and skills to build the life she wants, rather than relying on chance or feeling powerless in the face of too many options.

“I think things have been working out for me so far partly because I have people believing in me.”

Determined to start her life anew, Hannah reflects on her recent successes of being able to buy a car and secure a job. It is also in this moment that she realizes her success is due in part to having supportive loved ones around to help guide her along the way, such as Gabby, the Hudsons, and Ethan.

“I may make a lot of mistakes, and I may act without thinking, and I may be the sort of woman who doesn’t even realize she’s pregnant when it should be blatantly obvious, but I also know that sometimes I get myself into messes and then get myself out of them.”

When tasked with the responsibility of deciding what to do about Charlamagne, Hannah decides to keep the dog. Though she knows such a decision may seem reckless given that she has yet to find a house or job, she has faith that she will be able to work something out the way she always does. This newfound confidence empowers her and reinforces her belief that her life is moving in the right direction.

“Believing in fate is like living on cruise control.”

After revealing that she is pregnant to Gabby, Hannah contemplates the legitimacy of fate. She ultimately comes to the conclusion that believing that certain things are simply meant to happen frees her of the fear and confusion that comes with having to make hard decisions.

“You don’t need to find the perfect thing all the time. Just find one that works, and go with it.”

When Hannah is struggling to decide what snack to buy at a vending machine in the hospital, Henry gives her some advice: He tells her not to agonize over making the perfect choice and simply pick something. This moment represents Hannah’s indecisiveness, especially when making bigger, more substantial life decisions. Henry’s comment gets Hannah thinking about how she has spent her adult life trying to find the perfect life for herself, and that fear of failure may have stopped her from pursuing promising possibilities.

“When you sit there and wish things had happened differently, you can’t just wish away the bad stuff. You have to think about all the good stuff you might lose, too.”

After telling Ethan that she is pregnant with Michael’s baby, Hannah cannot help but wish that certain aspects of her life had turned out differently. Recognizing that wishing away the bad outcomes would naturally mean wishing away all the subsequent good outcomes, Hannah concludes that dwelling on what could have been is useless.

“You don’t just leave chocolate pudding for someone you don’t care about.”

Though Henry has not been Hannah’s night nurse for some time now, he continues to leave her chocolate pudding every night, knowing it is her favorite. When she is getting ready to leave the hospital, Hannah hatches a plan to ask Henry out, seeing the nightly pudding as a sign that he may be interested in her romantically.

“Until this moment, it never even occurred to me that I might belong in London.”

When Hannah breaks the news of her pregnancy to her family, her parents suggest she move in with them in London, where they can help her raise the baby. Despite moving from city to city throughout her twenties, Hannah has never considered the possibility of moving abroad to be closer to her family. The fact that this option has never dawned on her suggests that being closer to the rest of her family has never been a priority for Hannah.

“Fate or not, our lives are still the results of our choices. I’m starting to think that when we don’t own them, we don’t own ourselves.”

Though she has put her trust in fate for most of her life, near the end of the novel, Hannah recognizes that her fate is ultimately in her own hands. While she perhaps still believes in divine timing and that certain things are karmically meant to happen, Hannah realizes that she alone is in the driver’s seat of her life and that she is accountable for how it turns out.