Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...and Maybe the World

McRaven confronts stereotypes about men’s appearance, but reinforces traditional gender expectations for masculine-coded behavior.

Chapter 3 hones in on the age-old advice to not judge a book by its cover by focusing on two physically diminutive men who encounter negative bias from the macho culture of the Navy SEALS. The first is one of McRaven’s fellow trainees, whose stature belies his ability to perform a physically demanding task. The second is Tom Norris, the decorated veteran recruiter whom McRaven initially judges as lesser for his slender frame. McRaven does not relate these incidents chronologically. Instead, he first allows us to identify with the smaller man being picked on by a menacing giant instructor, positioning himself as a relatively helpless but neutral observer. Only after we have seen him in this position does McRaven tell us about his own earlier similar prejudice against Norris. The effect is to reassure readers that McRaven has learned from his mistake even before the mistake has been described.

While McRaven is clearly arguing against using physical appearance as a proxy for physical ability, the resolution of both stories confirms the culture of machismo typically associated with the SEALS. McRaven’s narratives pivot on unexpected turns, as the seemingly weak men show their physical strength: The trainee swam a dangerous exercise, and Norris is a decorated soldier. In other words, dismissing the smaller men was only wrong as long as the men in question could prove their doubters wrong by performing feats of endurance and fighting prowess. The book leaves unanswered the question of whether McRaven would have been right to judge a smaller man in the recruiting office if he had turned out not to be a veteran, or whether the trainer’s bullying would have been justified if the short trainee failed the swim exercise.

While Chapter 3 deals with the positive results of having heart and the determination to succeed, Chapter 4 pivots away from one’s ability to affect one’s circumstances. Instead, it reminds readers that sometimes, things simply don’t work out. McRaven points out how much of his SEAL training focused on getting the men to handle these kinds of arbitrary derailments—an emphasis that underscores just how difficult the concept of random unfairness is to accept. The “sugar cookie” punishment is meant to inculcate that there are quite a number of things that are simply out of our control. McRaven’s suggestion for dealing with setbacks that happen through no fault of our own is to strive for psychological integration through onward momentum. In his example, Moki Martin refuses to let his paralyzing accident become a defining tragedy. Instead, he rejects adopting a victim mentality and decides to develop a worldview that accepts pain as a given—all to move past what’s happened and onto the rest of his life.