Loveless

“She was right. About knowing me and about me not being like that and about tonight being my last chance to confess the crush I’d had for seven years, and the last chance to kiss someone while I was still a schoolkid, while I had a chance to feel the teenage-dream excitement and youthful magic that everyone else seemed to have had a little taste of.”

Georgia doesn’t have a real crush on Tommy, but wants to feel the expected excitement of a first kiss. Popular media and her peers’ experiences have made her believe there is something magical about teen romance. As she is about to start university, she is running out of time to experience this romance—this pressure being arbitrary but felt nevertheless.

“But it didn’t bother me, because I knew my time would come. It did for everyone. You’ll find someone eventually—that was what everyone said, and they were right. Teen romances only worked out in movies anyway.”

In this quote, Oseman uses a cliché to emphasize the societal pressure to be in a relationship. By encouraging young people to hope and wait for their fated partner, society perpetuates the idea that everyone wants a partner and that a lack of a partner means something is wrong. Georgia has internalized this message through popular media—specifically, teen movies that feature young people finding love. This becomes destructive to her as she discovers her aroace identity.

“When I said it, I didn’t think I was saying anything particularly odd. Like, this wasn’t a teen movie. Virgin-shaming wasn’t really a thing. Everyone knew that people did these things when they were ready, right?”

Georgia takes her mature attitude toward intimacy for granted. She finds peer pressure like virgin-shaming immature, and is thus shocked when she is judged for having never been kissed. This quote emphasizes the nonsensical way in which young people are pressured to kiss or have sex before they’re ready.

“I guess it took time for people to be ready for stuff like that. And you’d have to find someone you felt comfortable with. I’d never even interacted with anyone I wanted to kiss, let alone someone I wanted to.”

When Georgia reveals she’s never met anyone she wanted to kiss, the fact alone is not necessarily noteworthy. She has been around her high school peers for years, not having met new people who might interest her. However, this quote foreshadows her asexuality.

“He was so close, I felt like I wanted to scream, I wanted to smash a glass and throw up at the same time. My fists tightened on the arms of my chair, and I tried to keep looking at him, keep moving towards him, kiss him, but he was so close to me and it felt horrific, I felt disgusted. I wanted this to end.”

Oseman uses imagery and intense emotions to highlight Georgia’s revulsion at the thought of kissing. This depiction of her pre-kiss with Tommy is crucial to understanding the asexual experience. It allows readers to comprehend how uncomfortable physical intimacy can be for people like Georgia. It is also an unexpected reaction for her, the shock of which begin her journey toward understanding her sexual orientation.

“‘You know, the idea—the idea of it is nice. The idea of liking Tommy and kissing Tommy and having some cute little moment by the fire after prom. That’s so nice. That’s what I wanted.’ I felt myself clench the steering wheel. ‘But the reality disgusts me.’”

Georgia enjoys the narrative of romance more than the actual experience. She long assumed she was straight because she willed herself into believing this narrative. But now, she can’t ignore how disgusted she was by the prospect of kissing Tommy.

“But I knew it did. It mattered. It was not random that I was the one who was falling behind. Everything that had happened that night was a sign that I needed to try harder, or I would be alone for the rest of my life.”

Georgia is horrified by her own disgust at romance. She worries if she doesn’t find a romantic partner in university, she’ll end up alone and therefore won’t fit into society. She turns blame onto herself, for not trying hard enough, even though attraction and sexual orientation are not choices. This quote emphasizes Georgia’s confusion about herself and her detachment from sexuality.

“I was going to try harder. I wanted forever love. I didn’t want to be loveless.”

Georgia is determined to find love, certain her lack of attraction is wrong but can be “fixed.” This quote includes the title of the novel, emphasizing her fear of ending up alone, as if lacking attraction means one is incomplete.

“I couldn’t admit to them how desperately I wanted to be in a romantic relationship. Because I knew it was pathetic. Trust me. I completely understood that women should want to be strong and independent and you don’t need to find love to have a successful life. And the fact that I so desperately wanted a boyfriend—or a girlfriend, a partner, whoever, someone—was a sign that I was not strong or independent or self-sufficient or happy alone. I was really quite lonely, and I wanted to be loved.”

There are two societal narratives that Georgia has internalized. The first is the importance of finding a life partner, and the second is the importance of women finding independence. This can sometimes feel like a paradox, as Georgia tries to temper her loneliness by reminding herself that she should strive to be an independent woman. The truth is there is nothing wrong with either fate, as long as one is happy and healthy. Georgia’s desire to be loved is a human desire, not something that makes her lesser.

“But I wasn’t attracted to any of them. I didn’t feel any sort of desire. When I tried to picture standing close to them, kissing them, touching them…I grimaced. Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting.”

Now that Georgia is at university, she has more people to meet and find attractive. Yet, she doesn’t meet anyone she is attracted to, feeling just as disgusted as she did with Tommy. This establishes a pattern in which she seeks answers in the wrong places, largely due to societal pressure.

“What right did I have to join a society like this? I mean, to be fair, I didn’t really know what I was. And yes, sure, I had considered the possibility that I was not into guys. Strongly considered. Then again, I didn’t really seem to like girls either.”

Georgia feels ashamed that she is considering joining Pride Society because she doesn’t want to “invade” a space that is not for her. She is currently confused about her sexuality, embodying the “Q”—“questioning”—in LGBTQ+. In part, her hesitation to join the Pride Society is her avoidance of her sexual orientation.

“Unfortunately, I had grown up in a place where almost everyone my age drank, and I’d accepted drinking as ‘normal,’ like a lot of other things, even though often it wasn’t really what I wanted to do at all.”

In addition to her asexuality, Georgia doesn’t drink like many of her peers. This is one of her strengths, not being a follower. However, she doesn’t recognize this strength and instead pressures herself to conform, which only delays the discovery of her authentic self.

“I shouted back, even though I knew that was bullshit and nothing in life is certain and I didn’t ‘have time to figure things out’ because I might just have a brain aneurism at any moment and then I’d be dead, without having fallen in love, without having even figured out who I was and what I wanted.”

Georgia dreads never falling in love, never figuring out who she is. This anxiety is characteristic of adolescent and young adult experiences. Georgia is still figuring out who she is and what she wants out of life. This identity crisis makes everything feel temporal and too quick. This issue of time leads to situations that ultimately hurt her and her friendships.

“To be absolutely and completely honest, I didn’t want to go on a date with him at all. But I did want to want to go on a date with him. And that was the crux of my problem.”

Georgia both wants and doesn’t want a boyfriend—specifically, she wants to want a boyfriend. With Jason, she sees an easier path to romance because she already knows and cares about him. Even so, she doesn’t feel attracted to him. Rather than lean into this truth, she fights it.

“It didn’t play out like this in movies. In movies, two childhood best friends would eventually realize that, despite everything, they had been made for each other this whole time, that their connection went beyond just attraction, and then they’d get together and live happily ever after. Why wasn’t this playing out like that?”

Georgia has been disappointed by romance narratives, as popular media made them out to be idyllic. Many romance narratives feature characters finding love through trial and error. However, Georgia is learning that real life is more complex and difficult than fiction. This quote is Oseman’s criticism of heteronormative, unrealistic media.

“They were all just themselves. I don’t know how to explain it. There was no pretending. No hiding. No faking.”

This quote emphasizes the importance of community. Surrounded by queer people at a Pride Society event, Georgia learns people can be confident and comfortable with their authentic selves. These attendees don’t hide or fake anything, because they are among people who accept them. Thus, a community that supports inclusiveness is crucial to living as one’s authentic self.

“I could see it all, all the time, all around, but when I got closer, I found that nothing was there. A mirage.”

In this quote, Georgia realizes romance is a mirage. She has been so obsessed with romance and her lack of a love life that she sees romance all around her. However, it is not necessarily concrete, never a promise.

“I loved enemies-to-lovers romances. But I was struggling to get into this. I’d much rather just watch someone else perform it.”

Playing a Shakespearean romantic lead reminds Georgia that she doesn’t feel like a romanceable person, and can’t accept attraction because she doesn’t feel attraction. She enjoys romantic narratives—like books and movies—because they provide escapism from a safe distance, without her having to be directly involved.

“I’d spent a lot of time thinking about how I felt about love, but not much about having sex—I’d just assumed that sex would automatically be a part of it. But it didn’t have to be.”

In this quote, Georgia is coming to terms with her asexuality. She starts to understand that love can exist without sex, and is no less worthy for it. She doesn’t want to have sex, but this doesn’t mean she can’t experience love.

“I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy future that I was never going to live. I had no idea what my life would be like now. And that scared me. God, that scared me so, so much.”

This quote captures the anxiety of accepting one’s identity. For Georgia, being authentic means letting go of the fallacies and fantasies she always believed in. While this will ultimately free her, it’s terrifying to change one’s perspective and pursue unchartered territory.

“It was something adults said all the time. You’ll change your mind when you’re older. You never know what might happen. You’ll feel differently one day. As if we teenagers knew so little about ourselves that we could wake up one day a completely different person. As if the person we are right now doesn’t matter at all.”

In this quote, Oseman advocates for adolescent autonomy. She believes teenagers know more about themselves and the world than adults give them credit for. This is important to Georgia’s character development because it emphasizes that she knows what’s best for her, which includes letting go of societal expectations. She is aware that some may think her sexuality is a phase—however, she understands the person she is in the moment is as important and indicative of the person she will be.

“On a more intense internet dive, I discovered there was actually a lot of debate over these definitions because people’s experiences and feelings could be so vastly different, but at that point, I decided to log the hell off again. It was too much. Too confusing. Too new.”

Georgia starts researching asexuality and aromanticism. This is an important step in her character development, as it reveals she is coming to terms with her identity. Oseman is dedicated to championing sexuality as a spectrum. Though the label of aroace ultimately gives Georgia peace, such labels are not static. She halts her research, but it’s an important step.

“Friends are automatically classed as ‘less important’ than romantic partners. I’d never questioned that. It was just the way the world was. I guess I’d always felt that friendship just couldn’t compete with what a partner offered, and that I’d never really experience real love until I found romance. But if that had been true, I probably wouldn’t have felt like this.”

In losing Jason and Pip’s trust, Georgia experiences lovelessness. This is a formative experience that develops her character. She learns not having romantic love does not mean having no love in her life. Societal expectations dictate that friendships are not as important as love affairs, but Oseman advocates for them as shows of true love. Despite having made mistakes, Georgia is still capable of giving and receiving love.