Love, Hate and Other Filters

Maya loves to shoot film with her camcorder. She often imagines scenes from her life as a movie, such as when she decides to continue swimming lessons with Phil: “I allow myself to be the character in the romantic movie” (87). Sometimes she imagines particular film shot: “My mind plays a slow-motion close-up of Phil walking down the hall. […] Low key lighting casts intriguing shadows on the wall” (26). After Brian hurts her in the amusement park, she describes her mind as a movie camera: “The frames in my mind fast-forward, rewind, fast-forward without pause, and it’s all out of focus” (209). For Maya, filming is what she does—and it’s also a central metaphor for her life. The camera gives her control. “Movies are the only magic I can make,” she tells Phil (101). She often likes to film in settings where she feels awkward, such as weddings or on dates. The camera gives her a sense of protection, purpose, and agency.

After Asif and Sofia disown Maya, she realizes that she is scared: “No camera. No filter. Just my life, totally unscripted” (251). Maya does not record her nontraditional prom with Phil. She does not need to. She tells Phil during one of their tutoring sessions that she films to remember things: “I can capture what is important to me at a particular moment. That way, I keep it forever” (100). But Maya knows that her prom with Phil will not be forever; the evening, like their romance, is only a short documentary. It’s impossible to capture how much the moment means to her, so Maya relaxes and enjoys the moment as a special part of her life. During her first semester at NYU, Maya feels more in control and sees herself as the subject in her own film—her life.